


Caged Bird

by chamoon38



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Romance, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Sexual Inexperience, Smut, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:01:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 68,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4713638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamoon38/pseuds/chamoon38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fantasy AU<br/>"There are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out. And some of them are best kept buried."</p>
<p>In a world ruled by war and rage, four countries have faced each other for years, unable to find peace. Caelum, is the kingdom of angels; Matastos the kingdom of demons; Ors the kingdom of leviathans and Nanta the one of humans.<br/>Castiel is a young angel from Caelum. When his village is attacked by demons, he's forced to seek asylum in Nanta. Doomed to hide his true identity until the end of his days, he hasn't planned to let anyone enter his life. Especially not anyone human. But he's not counting on a man, with sandy hair and soft eyes as green as moss in summer, to be willing to catch him if he falls.<br/>Dean Winchester has always lived in Nanta, and to this point he's certain he will never know anything else. Destined to a life he does not want, he's convinced that there is nothing else than booze, sex and disappointment for him out there. He doesn't expect a blue eyed boy, with messy dark hair and no tact whatsoever to pop into his life and steal his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I have been working on that fiction for a long time now. I finally decided to post the first chapter and the next ones should come very soon. This has to be the most ambitious thing I've ever written and I couldn't wait to share it with you all. So here you go! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> By the way, the territories' names are enochian translations, more or less accurate I'm afraid.  
> Nanta: Earth  
> Caelum: Heaven  
> Matastos: Hell  
> Ors: Purgatory

When Castiel was thirteen, his whole life changed for the worst. He remembered this day perfectly, he still had regular nightmares about it. Nights where he woke up panting and panicked, crying most of the time and tangled in his sheets as the fabric sticked to his skin because of the sweat. He hated those nights, and he usually never managed to fall back asleep when that happened. That meant he only got between three and four hours of sleep when he had to work hard for an entire day after.  
The dream always began the same way, just like in his memory.

 

* * *

 

 

He was fighting with his brother, Gabriel. It was not a serious fight, of course, but a training. Angels were trained for battle as soon as they were able to hold a blade without cutting themselves. Castiel and his siblings were no exceptions. Especially since the word of a coming war was spreading within the country. It was well known that the kingdom of angels, Caelum and the one of demons, Matastos were in bad terms. This conflict dated back to centuries but never had the situation been so deplorable. For years, angels and demons had had verbal confrontations and had sent threats to each other. But now, things were evolving, moving and they were slowly heading toward a war. In their village, people were talking, passing on frightening whispers. They kept saying that towns on the borders always got hit first. Some of them seriously thought about leaving to move to a safer place, closer to the capital city. Some of them actually did leave.

And Castiel was terrified. Which of course only encouraged his brother to laugh at him. If he listened to Gabriel, everyone was stupid and they always found pretexts to slug it out. He had to admit he wasn't always wrong but he also liked to think that everybody wasn't like that. It was one of Castiel's main flaws, he gave his trust too easily and even though his mother liked to say he always saw the best in people, it also often meant he couldn't see the worst. Of course, he was still young, and he had time to learn but never would he have imagined that his childhood and innocence would end so baldly.

Anna was picking up flowers just next to the ring of soil he and Gabriel had created to delimit their training area when it had happened. Castiel got distracted looking at his little sister and his brother took advantage of it to sweep him off his feet. The boy fell on the ground with a dull thud and a groan of pain.

When he looked up, a wooden sword was pointed at his chest and Gabriel was grinning above him, visibly proud. “You lost again, baby bro.”

Castiel pushed the tip of the weapon away from him and sighed irritatedly, taking the hand his brother was offering to help him get up.

“You're cheating.” Cas protested.

Gabriel laughed. “I don't cheat. You just don't pay attention. And I'm more skilled, that's all.”

The younger boy snorted and rolled his eyes, not accepting this as an excuse for a second.

“Oh, come on Cassie, don't pout.” His brother ribbed and Castiel only looked away, vexed.

He felt something tug at his trousers leg and looked down to see Anna glancing up at him. “Castiel, don't be angry, please.” She was handing him a small bouquet of the flowers she had been picking up and Cas felt his anger disappear.

“They're beautiful, thank you Anna.” He smiled at her and patted her head gently. “And don't worry, I'm not angry, not really.” He asserted with a sideways glare at Gabriel and a light smile.

His brother laughed. He laughed often. Castiel had always thought his laughter was a beautiful sound that he liked to hear. It was true, joyful and it meant that he was happy. He usually chortled when he managed to make a joke or play a trick on one of his two siblings. But this time, his laughter had died in his throat after a few seconds. Castiel remembered how confused he had been when he had seen his brother look at their house with eyes wide in horror, how puzzled he had been when he had turned around to see for himself. But most of all, he remembered how panic and terror had seized him all at once when he had seen the first murder.

Out of nowhere, soldiers had appeared, and invaded their small village. In a fraction of second, people were running out of their houses, pulling out their swords and blades, stretching their wings as an unnamed chaos had fallen on Castiel's world. He saw angels fight, he saw demons entirely dressed in black set their dwellings on fire. People of both sides were falling all around them, wings were carved in the ground, bodies were burned to ashes. But their ennemies had taken them aback and the angels were slowly losing territory very much to their opponents's advantage.

Castiel had barely been aware of Gabriel pulling his arm harshly, dragging him towards the woods. When he had managed to focus correctly on what his brother had been trying to say, he heard his name repeatedly. “Cassie! Castiel. Hey! Wake up damn it! We gotta get outta here!”

Gabriel brutally shook him by the shoulders, begging him to stay concentrated. And it's only when he saw his sister's expression that he forced himself to react. She looked lost, mouth open in pure shock and distress, and it broke Castiel's heart.

He pushed his brother away and told him to take Anna. Gabriel immediately reacted, as always. His brother might not have said it often and had a hard time showing it, but he cared about his family. And Castiel had always known that when the time would come, he would do the right thing. And it's exactly what he did. Despite Anna's screams and cries of protest, he shoved her on his back and started running.

Castiel ran beside them, throwing frantic and frightened looks around. They seemed to be safe, nobody had noticed them running away. But then had occurred the only thing that wasn't clear in Cas' memory. He remembered every details and yet, there was one thing he was confused about. How had it happened? He vaguely remembered Anna yelling and calling for their mom and dad, and Gabriel coldly telling her they were gone and never coming back. Castiel wondered why in such times his brother was still so inclined to use euphemisms to talk to their sister. She may have been eight, but her childhood just had ended savagely, like Castiel's. He didn't understand why it was so important to preserve whatever innocence she still had left when it was bound to be crushed sooner or later. Their parents were dead, their house was crumbling. Of course they were not coming back, that much was certain.

The thought brought tears in the boy's eyes but he quickly blinked them away. He couldn't cry, not now. He would have all the time he would possibly want to mourn his mother and father once they got to safety. He had to save what was left of his family, how little may that be. That's why he kept running, running, running. They sank into the forest, rushed between the trees, trying to escape whatever horrible death was waiting for them in their natal village. Gabriel somehow managed to calm Anna down, and she didn't say a word during the whole journey. But this journey had been short. Too short.

They hadn't realized that demons had arrived through the woods, and that those were still infested. Castiel stopped suddenly when one of them came to stand right in front of them, getting in their way, refusing them any possible escape. He had a knife, probably made of silver, and a mace covered in blood. Cas knew how to fight, of course, but he had never truly had an opponent who would be willing to take his life, besides, he was unarmed. He was far from being ready for a battle of this scale. Furthermore, Gabriel was carrying Anna and couldn't help him.  
Castiel stayed still for more than a minute, frozen in fear as the demon was stepping forward.

“Castiel get back.” He heard his brother warn.

The next thing he knew, Gabriel was beside him, Anna hiding behind his back as he pulled an angel blade out of his sleeve. They weren't allowed to keep them usually, but Cas was glad he had disobeyed. His brother had always managed to have what he wanted and was a very good thief, it had probably been easy for him to steal it.

Cas' scared voice resounded in the thick atmosphere. “Gabriel.”

“Take Anna and run.” Gabriel said as their sister tightened her grip on his shirt.

Castiel opened his mouth to protest but his brother had already jumped on the demon with a cry of rage, his blade cutting through the air. Cas knew he had to act fast and save Anna but he couldn't leave Gabriel.

“Shit Castiel, run!” He yelled again, pulling out his golden wings and trying to stab the demon who nimbly ducked to avoid the blows.

“No!” Anna shouted, but Castiel had already wrapped his arms around her and hauled her. He fought back the tears and the urge to look back. Even when he heard his brother groan in pain behind them, even when he hissed a death rattle, even when everything around them fell silent a few seconds later.

He kept running like his life depended on it, because it did. Ignoring the weak punches Anna was throwing in his chest, not caring about the tears streaming down his face.

“How could you? How could you leave him like that? You let him die, you let him die!” She sobbed in his shirt.

Castiel felt empty and wrecked but his sister shaking in his arms was the only thing making him go on. He wanted to give up, to die, let a demon find him and kill him but he couldn't let Anna down. Not after Gabriel, not after their parents, and all their friends in the village.

His feet hammered the ground, carrying them as fast as they possibly could. But that hadn't been enough, that had never been enough. Castiel remembered stumbling, he remembered falling. He could still hear his sister yelp in surprise as he tried to protect her with his body. He felt a flash of pain, felt his flesh tear apart, felt blood dribble down his temple. His vision blurred, his head spinning, as dizziness overwhelmed him. For a moment everything had been unclear and confused. His ears pounding, his heart racing in his chest as he clumsily tried to get up. When he looked up, what he saw froze him on spot.

“Anna!” He screamed, crawling towards her.

Her eyes were open and glassy, looking into nothingness. She had a nasty wound on her forehead. He had shaken her, prayed for her to wake up as he kept repeating her name over and over. They had fallen. He had made her fall. He had let go of her. He hadn't even been careful enough to check where he was stepping. They had rolled off a hill. She had hit her head harder than her body could handle. That's when he had started crying and falling apart.

 

* * *

 

 

That's also when he usually woke up, even four years later. He had no idea how he had once found the strength to leave Anna where she had died and found a way to get out of the woods to join Nanta, the human territory, but that's where he was today.

Tonight was identical to the last few hundred nights before.

Castiel rubbed his face to wipe the tears away, his body still trembling from the dream. He curled up on himself, drawing his knees near him and resting his forehead on them. He closed his eyes to calm down and breathed deeply. Every night, guilt and sadness overflew him, he was incredibly tired of it. Every evening he fought exhaustion with the same determination not to give in to sleep. And every time he lost.

He looked out of the window. A dimmed light was entering the room through the closed flaps. The sun was starting to rise and a beam caressed Castiel's toes, warming up his skin. He was lucky, he had managed to sleep until dawn.

With one last tired sigh, he threw his legs on the side of the bed and got up. He walked to his window and pulled the shutters, letting the soft warmth of the morning sun settle in his bedroom. Leaning on the rim, he looked up to the sky, stained of a light yellow announcing the beginning of the day. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the sun help drying the tears on his cheeks. Today was going to be sunny, there were merely a few clouds in the sky.

He found it strange how the weather could have such a great impact on his mood. He had come to observe that when a day was to be rainy and gray, he found himself being morose and sad. Although, even when that happened, he never showed it. Never would he have dared to be sullen and grumpy with the person who had saved his life. He owed him a lot, if not everything, and had sworn to repay him.

Rufus Turner was a great man, and a fantastic baker. He had opened his arms to Castiel when he had seen him in the street, frozen and scared, bloody and ill. He had welcomed him in his house and offered him a hot meal. He had taken care of him for more than a week, making sure his fever reduced, that he ate his fill, that he was never cold anymore. He had listened to his stories and believed each and every one of them, even when Castiel had made them up completely, lying about the fact that he was an angel. He couldn't tell anyone he wasn't human, war refugees were never welcomed in a territory, for they could bring conflicts to their doors. In general, when two countries entered a confrontation, either they received help from others or they were considered wiped out from every map until they had set things right. Other kingdoms usually avoided to get involved in wars that weren't their own. Therefore, they chased away every intruder on their lands. Thankfully, Cas had read a lot of books in his short life and was well-informed on Humans situation and politic. Humans had always been a source of wonder for him, they tickled his curiosity with their ingenuity and cleverness. Of all species, they were the ones he found the most interesting, apart from his own. He knew a plague had hit them recently and had taken advantage of this piece of information to tell Rufus his parents had been killed by the last wave. The only thing he hadn't had to fake however, was his sorrow. After all, his parents and his entire family really were dead. That had seemed to originate an even softer side in his host, he had immediately become even kinder, more concerned about his well-being. He had made sure he never missed of anything.

Castiel had kept thanking him, and he was still doing it to this day, everyday. Once he had recovered and grown strong enough to leave, Rufus hadn't kicked him out, quite the contrary actually. He had invited him in, again. He had proposed him to work for him, help him out with his business as he was getting old and couldn't take care of everything by himself anymore. Cas had accepted.

Of course he had, it was a great opportunity and assured him a roof and food for as long as he stayed here, and he felt beholden. He would devote his life to helping the old man if that meant he could thank him for everything he had done for him.

As a baker, Rufus was very much needed in everybody's life. In those times and in a village as small as Faynel, the one they were in, bread was a daily staple. Castiel knew that with his talent and honesty, his host would have been hired to be the king's personal cook had he lived in the capital city. But when he had asked Rufus why he hadn't tried, he had gotten distant and vague over the subject. He had understood later that he accorded a significant importance to his little shop, something relevant to his deceased wife. Cas had stopped asking questions after that, he didn't want to importune him, he had seen how he had tried to delibarately avoid talking about it.

Castiel closed the dusty pane when he chilled, the morning's cold wind brushing against his skin.  
Today was an ordinary day for the angel, nothing special, just routine. But he was fine with that. Although he kind of wished something would happen, he was tired of just waiting. Today would simply be the same as yesterday, why would it be any different after all?

Heaving a sigh, he quickly put some clothes on, a simple white shirt which was loose on the sleeves, a little too large for him and black pants. He didn't have many clothes and they almost all had been Rufus's one day but he wasn't complaining, he had had nothing at all when he had arrived.

He left his room and hastened to go to the kitchen to bake himself a quick breakfast so he would be able to work as soon as possible. He chose to make scrambled eggs as he had gotten some to the market the day before. In less than ten minutes, he was done and ready to go. He made sure to lock the house before going to the bakery on the other side of the street.

Rufus greeted him quickly, once he got inside, busy with the furnace.

“How are you kid?” He said.

“Fine, thanks. How about you?” Castiel replied.

“Good too.” Rufus turned around to take a proper look at him and Castiel saw his eyes sadden. He almost opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but he already knew the answer.

“You look tired.” The baker observed and didn't make any more comment but he knew he didn't have to. Castiel had had to tell him about his recurring nightmares one night when he had screamed so loud, Rufus had had to come and check up on him.

They hadn't talked about it much after that, mainly because it brought back unbearable memories to Castiel and the old man didn't want to inflict him more pain than necessary.

The angel looked down, not answering so Rufus added: “Could you do something for me?”

Cas looked back at him and nodded. “Of course, what do you need?”

The baker turned around to shove some dough in the stove. “Mrs Campbell is very ill, she might not have very long and I thought that maybe... We could do something good. Why don't you bring her this fine piece of bread?” He pointed at a little package wrapped in a dishcloth on the table.

“Yes of course, I will bring it to her immediately.” Castiel agreed.

“Thanks kiddo.” Rufus said before returning to his work.

The angel grabbed the bread, tucked it into a canvas bag and left the bakery to go to Mrs Campbell's house. He figured he had some time, so he chose to walk near the river to clear his mind. He had always loved observing his surrounding and the water had always been a source of wonder to him. The way the current kept moving, flowing as the days went by, joining a larger place, fascinated him. He liked to think everything was like the river, all part of a bigger plan.

His backbag nonchalantly thrown on one of his shoulders, Castiel's feet rolled on the little rocks on the ground as he kept walking towards the south of the city where Mrs Campbell lived.

The town wasn't very big and wasn't considered to be one of the most influent of Nanta but the level of life was more than correct and Cas certainly wasn't complaining. He felt good living here, even though he still had the impression he didn't belong. He felt so lucky to be here, so blessed to be alive and have a home. Of course he still felt incredibly guilty and miserable every time he thought of his family but he had chosen to leave his dark thoughts to the night and enjoy every moment life had the goodness to grant him.

A fresh breeze caressed his face, ruffling through his hair and he breathed in deeply, closing his eyes and taking in all the morning wind's purity. He found beauty in approximately everything he saw, even after everything that had happened to him and Rufus kept saying it was wonderful. Castiel sometimes caught him looking at him like he would have his own child, like a fragile, innocent and breakable thing he had to protect at all costs. But Cas didn't want any of this. He didn't want people's compassion, he could take care of himself. Although, he didn't deny it when offered, he always felt like he owed them subsequently.

Far in the distance, the sky was slowly turning blue, the sun rising until every nuance of orange disappeared. Castiel concentrated on everything around him. The sound of the current on his left, the smell of fishes, spices, flowers that were exposed on market stalls, the noises of the city waking up and he caught himself thinking that it was not at all like everything he had ever known. In Caelum, angels were mostly trained to be warriors, always obeying to their superior's orders. Of course, they had towns and villages like this one, but nothing so friendly. They were allowed to have children only to assure the species prosperity, and never more than three. They couldn't really build a family. When their children, girls or boys, reached the age of eighteen, they were sent to an academy where they learned how to fight properly for their country and never saw their parents again. Gabriel had been one year away from that sentence when he had died. His brother, his sister and him had always been very close and when they had learned that they would be separated, it had broken their heart.

Sadly, Castiel thought that he would have loved to show them this place. This wonderful territory where they were allowed to feel, to love, to live. This amazing town where an old man had been kind enough to take care of a homeless child he didn't know and had offered him his protection and a place to stay. He knew Gabriel and Anna would have loved it here.

He could almost see Anna running a little afar, as close to the water as she could while he and Gabriel would be talking and laughing about his latest trick, always keeping a careful watch on their sister. His brother would have laughed like he had always heard him, hearty and unbroken. This time, his laughter wouldn't have died in his throat. His sister would have smiled at the sky and ran towards them to show them whatever interesting thing she would have found. This time, her innocence and childhood would have remained intact.

Castiel sighed, he couldn't afford to think about that right now. His past was haunting him every night, he didn't have to make a hell out of every day as well.

Lost in his thoughts, the angel didn't notice the three boys at the corner of the street, who had been eyeing him for a good moment now and had discreetly gotten closer.

“Hey blue eyes!” One of them apostrophized him.

Cas gulped and looked down, trying to act like he didn't see them.

“Oh, freak! I'm talking to you!” The same boy said.

Castiel clenched his jaw, tightening his grip on his bag as he saw them encircle him. He always tried to avoid trouble and usually managed to. But Gordon and his friends always found a way to bother him or push him around. He had tried every possible path in the city to get where he wanted but those guys had lived in it much longer than he had, and knew every street by heart.

Gordon, the leader, took a step closer, now standing right in front of Castiel, looking down at him as he was slightly taller. “You hear me, freak? Answer when I talk to you.”

As Cas didn't do as he was told, he pushed him brutally, which would probably have sent the angel on the ground if he didn't have such good reflexes. “What do you want Gordon?” He growled.

The boy laughed bitterly as one of his friends grabbed Castiel's bag. “Watch your mouth, Cassie.”

“Don't call me that.” The angel warned, feeling his anger grow and he tugged at the strap of his backbag to try to get it back.

Gordon chortled again, raising his eyebrows. “Why not? I call you whatever I want, asshole.”

Despite how much Castiel wanted to make him swallow back his words, as much as he wanted to answer and fight back, he didn't do it. He never did. He couldn't. His fighting skills were so different from human ones, he was sure people would figure it out. He had never been good at unarmed combat, that's why he stayed silent, why he didn't retort. It was also why they kept using him as a scapegoat.

“See? That's better.” Gordon mocked, smirking maliciously.

One of the boys managed to get the bag off Castiel's hands and he immediately protested. “Give it back!”

“What for? What's so important in here?” The boy said, digging into the bag and pulling the bread out of it. “Oh, that looks pretty good. 'Would make a good dinner for tonight.”

Castiel tried to reach for the bread but the other guy withholded him. “It's not yours! I have to bring it to Mrs Campbell!”

The boy holding him back laughed. “And what's she gonna do with it?”

It was Castiel's turn to chuckle. “I don't know... Eat it maybe?”

Unfortunately, neither of them seemed to find his reply funny and that granted him a punch in the stomach. Castiel bended in two and coughed a little.

“She's dying, she ain't gonna need it.” Gordon said.

Once some air found its way back in Cas's lungs, he mumbled: “Stealing a dying woman's meal is low, even for you.”

He braced himself for another blow after his remark but he only heard a voice he didn't recognize. “Hey, need some help here?”

Cas lifted his head to look at the source of the voice and his eyes met a young man's. He was definitely handsome, from what he could see at least. He was very well built, had green eyes, chestnut hair, and a casual look.

“What'd ya want?” Gordon said, turning to face the man.

The green eyed boy shoved his hands in his pockets and moved forward, unimpressed. “Nothing, just wondering why three big guys like you need to bother this kid.”

Castiel almost protested, he was seventeen, he wasn't much of a kid anymore. Besides, the man didn't seem much older than him.

Gordon huffed and turned away. “Not your business.”

“Well...” The man took another step forward. “Actually I thought that maybe I could do something good for once. I thought you liked some challenge, why don't you come and get some?” He opened his arms like an invitation and the boy holding Castiel let go of him and hastened to take it.

“You'll see. You're gonna regret you put your nose in this, fucker.”

The man raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “Oh, really? Somehow, I doubt that.”

As soon as Gordon's friend tried to hit the man, he agilely avoided the punch and grabbed his wrist firmly, turning it behind the poor boy's back until he was hissing in pain. With a slight pressure, the boy was groaning and Castiel saw Gordon's eyes widen.

“So,” The green eyed man teased. “Who wants to be next?”

Without a second thought, Gordon and his friends turned away and left after that, throwing Cas's bread on the floor.

The angel hurried up to pick it up and remove the dust from it. He barely noticed the man who came to stand right beside him. “You okay?”

Castiel's pride had him answer: “I didn't ask you to help me.”

The man chuckled. “Sure, because you totally had the situation under control, right?”

Cas felt a blush burn his cheeks as he looked down, ashamed. That seemed to make the man soften and he handed him a hand. “Name's Dean. Dean Winchester.”

The angel looked up at him and shook his hand after an hesitation. “Castiel.”

“Well Cas, you're welcome.”

“I didn't thank you.”

“Still, you're welcome.”

“And my name is Castiel, not Cas.”

“Too complicated.”

Somehow, in his general good mood and kindness, Dean Winchester managed to make Castiel smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Dean's point of view-   
> Dean decides to accompany Cas to Mrs Campbell's so they can talk and learn to know each other a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys, it's the second chapter. I think I'm going to try to keep a regular update so you should have a new chapter every Wednesday!  
> This one is shorter, I'm sorry but don't worry, the next ones will be much longer.
> 
> Enjoy!

Now being twenty, Dean Winchester had yet to decide what he wanted to do with his life. Some people already had a clear path, but he was not one of those. His brother Sam, however, was already certain of his choices. He wanted to work close to the king, exerce a more intellectual profession.

 

Dean had no doubt he would be brilliant at it. After all, the things his brother wasn't good at were little to non existant at all, especially if you asked Dean. He had always felt a huge pride about everything Sam was able to do, about how clever he was. And that still hadn't changed to this day.

 

Dean was almost sure he would end up being a physician, a constable, a chancellor, or some other highly regarded and respected man in the society.

 

On the other hand, Dean was himself pretty indecise. He had never been particularly good at anything, nor had he achieved anything spectacular. He was good at drinking, staying in taverns a little too long, having sex with whatever woman crossed his path, good at lying, good at deceiving his father. No but really, he was mostly bad at everything. Somehow, however, he was acceptable at fighting.

 

He loved fighting, he had tried every possible way to fight. Bare hands, knives, swords, rifles, he had tried everything. It was the only thing he could be approximately proud of. Of course, if he listened to his brother, he wasn't just good at fighting, he was exceptional. But Dean tended not to listen too much to whatever compliment his baby brother was making him. He knew he looked up to him, although he had never understood why.

 

Dean had received a training to become a hunter, and even if he had revealed not being too bad at this either, it wasn't even a proper job. At least, not while they weren't in war. He knew angels trained their own to be soldiers, demons to be knights, leviathans to be killers and humans were trained to be hunters. He imagined demons and angels were pretty happy to have their knights and soldiers right now as they were still in war, but hunters were only here to make sure that the country wouldn't be defenseless, if any other territory felt the sudden urge to attack them.

 

Of course, Nanta also had proper combattants, they were called mercenaries and were set to deal with any intern tension or civil threat. If a war was declared, they were thrown in first line in battle. And although anyone could become a mercenary, only a few people could pretend to the title of hunter.

 

Dean's father, John, was also a hunter. And from what he had told his sons, it had stuck with their family back to generations. Their grand father, as well as their great grand father – to be honest, as long as their family tree had been written down - had all been hunters. You had to have at least two parents in that field to pretend to the title. Everyone that could always had a choice, and in time of peace, they mostly chose not to become hunters, for the training was long and exhausting.

 

Dean had been away from his brother and father for more than a year so he could be taught all the secrets of hunting. John had insisted that he would be a shame to the family if he didn't at least try to receive the training. Sam had been exempted, much to Dean's relief, because he wasn't the eldest. But his brother had wanted to come with him when he had left for the capital city. Dean had managed to dissuade him, after hours of arguing over why he should stay here to study if he wanted to leave the house soon.

 

Because as much as Dean loved his brother, he knew Sam wasn't happy here, with them in the forge. Their father was a blacksmith, and Dean was doomed to become one as well. He didn't really want to, but he was fine with it as long as Sam was able to do the job he wanted. Besides, it was better than nothing.

 

Dean had sighed as he walked down the street, looking down at the paved ground beneath his feet. He was tired of not doing anything. Tired of nothing ever happening. He had kicked a rock on his way without really thinking about it. What was he going to do again? Go to the tavern and get drunk? Find that girl... _What did she say her name was? Lisa? Yeah, find that Lisa girl and get laid._ Those had been his plans for tonight. He didn't have to think too much, he had the same plans every night.

 

He tried not to think about how miserable his life had been since his mother died, but it had become difficult recently, as his brother was getting closer and closer to leaving the house.

 

Mary Winchester had passed away when Dean was four, but he still remembered this day perfectly.

 

How he had been woken up by a scream. How he had ran to Sammy's room to find his mother trapped between his brother's cradle and a wall of flames. How his father had appeared behind him, had shoved Sam, who was six months at the time, in his arms and told him to run as fast as he could, and never look back. Dean had obeyed after a short hesitation. Without a doubt, his father would find a way to help their mother. But before he even had time to realize what was happening, John had joined them and ran with them, just before the boiler exploded, transforming their house in a blaze of fire, lighting up the whole sky like the christmas tree they would never have again. Their mother was dead and they had lost their home.

 

So here he had been again, walking down a street as empty as his ambitions, wandering on a dreamless path. He didn't know where he was going, or what he would be doing tonight or later. Everything just felt inordinately empty.

 

He sighed, looking down. His future wasn't the only uncertain thing. He had plenty of uncertainties, of doubts, of questions. Interrogations which had no answer. Or that he was too scared to face. He knew he was. He chose to ignore it all, bury it deep down, cast it in a back of his mind. But they kept coming back when he least expected them. He acted like he was confident, strong, unafraid, but his fears were nestled in the deepest and darkest part of his brain. They lived within him. And he had been cohabiting with them for years.

 

Lost in his dark thoughts, he hadn't noticed right away what was happening just in front of him.

 

Dean Winchester had been wondering what his life goals were once again when he had met Castiel. Some would call it a lucky coincidence, some would call it fate. But the young man didn't believe in either.

 

* * *

“ _My name is Castiel, not Cas.”_

 

“ _Too complicated.”_

 

Somehow, meeting this guy had managed to bring back Dean's good mood.

 

* * *

 

“So, uh, what did those douchebags want?” Dean asked as he watched Cas tuck the bread back in his bag.

 

“Nothing, as usual.” The blue eyed boy said. “I believe they were just trying to make me angry.”

 

Dean frowned. “As usual? You mean they do that often?”

 

“As often as they can. Whenever they see me. I normally try to avoid them.”

 

“Damn.” Dean commented, not really knowing what to say.

 

Cas looked up at him and smiled lightly. The hunter cursed himself for finding him cute. _Man up Winchester._ He thought. _You're not like that._

 

“Thank you.” Castiel whispered.

 

“What for?”

 

“Helping me. I should have thanked you before. Don't make me repeat it.”

 

“Oh. Oh, right. It was nothing.” Dean chuckled, almost nervously.

 

_Come on, get your shit together. He's not cute. It's just a guy you don't know and who needed help. Let it go._

 

But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself it was nothing, there was something. Something about the way Castiel's face lit up when he truly smiled at him. Something about the way his hair was messy because of the wind. Something about the way his eyes were incredibly blue and shining under the pale morning's light. No but seriously, who had eyes so blue? That couldn't be natural.

 

“You know it's kinda dangerous to come down here with something to eat.” Dean stated so they didn't stay in this silence much longer. “This part of the city's pretty poor. Y'could get killed for that bread of yours.”

 

“Is this a threat?” Cas asked, squinting.

 

“What? No! Just... I was wondering that's all.” Dean hurried to clarify, rather awkwardly, he had to say. A part of him was yelling at him to man up, and so he did. Deciding to act a little less strange and more confident. Cas was just a boy. A cute boy, sure, but a boy nevertheless. “So what, you really think I pulled your pretty ass out of this mess so I could rob you?”

 

He could have sworn Castiel blushed again. “No. No, you're right. I'm sorry.”

 

Dean made a sign, a silent ' _don't mention it_ '.

 

“I was on my way to bring this to Mrs Campbell.” Cas informed him. “She's very ill.”

 

So, in addition to it all, the guy was a real saint. Amazing.

 

Without thinking, Dean suggested something. “I've got nothing to do. Do you want me to come with you?”

 

Cas looked at him, visibly surprised. “I-... Yes. Yes, why not?”

 

“Good. Then let's get going.”

 

They walked side by side, silently for a long moment. But soon, Dean couldn't stand the silence anymore, he had to break it. Cas really didn't seem to mind. Everything about the general atmosphere was a little awkward but the dark haired boy was just looking right in front of him, apparently daydreaming. Dean didn't know him. But he looked that the type of guy who was quiet and lonely but so full of dreams and wishes. The hunter's exact opposite.

 

“So, Castiel uh?” He started. “That's an odd name.”

 

Cas seemed to tense, but he quickly returned to normal, and Dean wondered if he had imagined it.

 

“It's not my fault. My parents chose it for me.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Can't help what you can't help.” Dean paused.

 

First of all, he probably sounded like a total jerk. Second of all, was he really saying what he was saying? _Can't help what you can't help. Seriously?_

 

He cleared his throat and quickly added: “I mean, don't get me wrong, I like your name. It sounds nice. I was just wondering if there was any reason your parents named you like that. Like a family story, a custom in your native region or anything, really.”

 

This time, Dean clearly saw Castiel's jaw clench. He didn't like talking about this. And the hunter felt even more stupid, if that was possible.

 

“No. There is no particular reason. If there is one, I don't know it. My parents died before they could tell me.” Castiel said sharply, cutting short the conversation.

 

_Wow, good job again._ He thought. _So much tact today._

 

“I'm sorry.” He muttered apologetically.

 

Castiel sighed. “No, I'm sorry. You couldn't know. And it's okay, it was a long time ago.”

 

There was another pause. Then Dean talked again. “I lost my mom too. When I was four.”

 

It was Cas' turn to look sorry.

 

“So I know what it's like. To lose a parent.” Dean continued. “It's awful.”

 

“Yes. Yes it is.” Cas said, his eyes looking far in the distance, like he was remembering something extremely unpleasant.

 

The blue eyed boy shivered lightly. Dean shouldn't have noticed. He was paying too much attention. The last thing the Winchester wanted was to make him uncomfortable and he was ready to drop the subject, but Cas apparently wasn't.

 

“How did she die?” He asked, looking Dean in the eyes and he had the impression he was staring right through him. Something had changed in his gaze.

 

“In a fire.” The hunter said. “My dad's a blacksmith. One night, the furnace set the house on fire. She didn't make it. But my dad, my brother and I, we did.”

 

“You were so young...” Cas whispered thoughtfully. “That must have been hard.”

 

“And you?” Dean asked, ignoring the boy's comment.

 

Castiel looked away, taking a moment to answer. Dean thought maybe it was too hard for him to talk about it, that the thought of it was too unbearable. Judging by the look on his face, he was right. He looked truly horrified.

 

“The plague. They all died in the plague.” He hastily answered. Maybe a little too fast. “I don't know why I didn't catch it. But they all did. Maybe... Maybe I should have too.”

 

“Don't say that.” Dean exclaimed. “You know what? That sucks. What happened to you, what happened to me, it all sucks. But we're here, today. And that doesn't suck. We're freakin' lucky to be alive.”

 

It was a very important matter for the hunter. Something he lived by. Because without it... Well, he would have nothing.

 

“You're right.” Cas said, turning to him as if he only just realized how true Dean's words were. “No, you're right. I really shouldn't complain. I'm so lucky.”

 

Strangely, he didn't sound ironic at all. Castiel kind of looked like someone who didn't use irony often, and couldn't understand it either. Someone who would believe most people's stories, who would easily give his trust to anyone, who would naively gaze upon something as if it were the purest thing on Earth until proven otherwise. It was a really innocent way to see the world. A way Dean failed to master. But he thought it was good that some people like Cas could still look so angelically at things.

 

“Hell yeah I'm right.” Dean stated with a grin.

 

Castiel smiled too and stared at him. Dean stared back. For a moment nothing else mattered than the boy's blue eyes meeting his own. There was something weird in all this, in this situation, in the way he felt so inexorably connected to Cas. But Dean was unable to name it. For almost an entire minute, they stayed like this, _staring at each other_. Then the hunter cleared his throat loudly and looked away.

 

“Anyway.” He said to break another oppressing silence.

 

“It's there.” Cas observed.

 

Dean finally understood they had reached their destination. “Ah. Yeah.”

 

“So...” Cas started again. He looked as flustered as Dean was. He didn't know what to say either. “Thank you I guess. For coming with me. And for not robbing me after all.”

 

He chuckled and Dean thought it was the nicest sound in the world. _And that was very gay, too._ He mentally told himself.

 

The green eyed man flashed a smile. “You're very welcome Cas. I'm gonna go, I've got a lot of things to do.”

 

What a liar he was. He had absolutely nothing to do. Not now, not tonight, not ever.

 

“Sure.” Cas simply said.

 

“Hope to see you around.” Dean admitted anyway.

 

“I hope so too.”

 

And there it was again. The silence. The hunter was really starting to hate it. None of them wanted to leave, or none of them knew how to properly say goodbye.

 

So Dean made the first step. “Alright, bye.” He turned around after a quick wave and he saw Cas answer him briefly from the corner of his eye but didn't dare to check.

 

He could almost feel the dark haired boy's eyes on him. He couldn't turn around, he couldn't look back.

 

But he finally allowed himself to relax when he arrived down the street and turned.

 

What had this been about? Talk about unexpected hauntings.

 

“Fuck.” He cursed to himself.

 

He had to do something, to keep his mind busy.

 

* * *

The rest of the day went by pretty fast. He came back to the forge and helped his father in his work. As long as his body stayed in action, his thoughts couldn't wander off. He needed to stop thinking so much. He needed to stop doubting. _Damn it_ , he needed to conceal all this.

 

_Hide it._

 

_Trap it._

 

_Forget it._

 

But everytime he paused his activities, his brain showed him images he tried to push back. Everytime he listened, the conversation he had had with Cas this morning resounded in his ears. Every single time he closed his eyes, he saw the blue eyed teen's shy smile.

 

And everytime he thought he was going to turn crazy.

 

He needed something to think about.

 

He was going to become nuts.

 

He needed a distraction.

 

That's how he decided to go to the tavern for a change. He needed to drink. He needed to get laid.

 

* * *

Dean kissed Lisa passionately. He grunted hungrily, pushing her down on her bed. The house was hers tonight, she was alone. Dean was about to change that.

 

He heard her moan, and he left a trail of hot kisses on her neck when he fell on top of her. Their bodies rubbed together, their hips grinded against each other, their breath was fast and heavy.

 

Dean was reduced to a state that was not his. He was becoming someone he wasn't. Something he couldn't be. He was so angry, so thirsty, so helpless. He acted like the most primal being.

 

He nipped at her skin roughly, not controlling anything. Tonight he needed to let it all out.

 

That's all he could think about. He needed this, he wanted this, he had to convince himself of that.

 

And that's all he thought about when he finally came inside her, letting out a groan. A broken, desperate groan.

 

Because he tried. He really did. He tried his best. But even he wasn't strong enough to ignore it this time.

 

The voice he had heard when Lisa had moaned hadn't been hers.

 

Her hair was too long, wasn't messy enough.

 

Her lips were too pink, not pale.

 

And her eyes. Her eyes were brown. Not ocean blue.

 

_What the hell is happening?_ He thought, freaking out. He really, really was starting to freak out. Big time.

 

Maybe he had thought he could escape it. Maybe he had been stupid enough to believe it. But there were things he couldn't escape.

 

He had known it for a long time. But he would never admit it. And all it had taken was some bullied blue eyed kid?

 

He had run all his life. He could run. But he could never hide. One day, it had to catch up on him. It had to crush him.

 

He firmly believed the day had come.

 

He could choose to finally face the truth and stop being a coward. Or he could decide to pretend just a little longer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, what did you think about it? If you could leave kudos/comments, it would be sooooo appreciated! Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean meet again, but things do not quite go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned to post that chapter much earlier today but there were complications. My internet was gone because there was a lot of wind and it made some wires fall etc. So I'm sorry. For my defense, this chapter is longer. Anyway, here it is! Chapter 3!
> 
> Enjoy!

When Castiel woke up the next morning, his first thought was the same it had been all day long yesterday. Of course, it had not been enough to keep the nightmares at bay, but it was enough to distract him. A lot.

 

He had yet to figure out why such an insignificant moment in his life remained deeply anchored in his memory. Why a young man he had only met once was in every one of his thoughts. It was insane, and senseless. But the fact was, he couldn't stop thinking about Dean Winchester.

 

Of course, he was terribly handsome and kind. Of course Cas was utterly indifferent to any possible gender attraction. He had never thought about it. He had been busy enough trying to rebuild his life, and himself. But now, he could not be thinking about this.

 

Although, there was undeniably something. First of all, in all his four years of stay here, nobody had _ever_ taken the time to stop and help him when they saw him struggle with Gordon and his friends. And he knew many people had indeed seen him. Second of all, there was something in the way Dean had looked at him when he had talked about his family. Castiel knew it, Dean and he had a lot more in common than they both wanted to admit.

 

“ _Hope to see you around.”_

 

Well he sure hoped so too. Things had been a little awkward, but maybe it was because they were both kind of shy.

 

* * *

 

“Castiel, damn it! 'Been calling you for five minutes!” Rufus' voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

“I-... Really? Sorry.” He apologized.

 

The old man smiled. The whole bakery was overwhelmed by a delicious smell of bread. Cas loved this scent. It smelled like home. But it always made him hungry. He also knew why Rufus had been calling him.

 

“I'll get some water, yes.” Cas said.

 

The baker huffed and pointed to the corner of the room, where there was an empty bucket. Castiel stared at it for almost a minute and Rufus raised an eyebrow.

 

The angel shook his head, he needed to stop being so thoughtful all the time. “Ah- Yeah alright I'm going!”

 

He picked up the bucket and rushed outside, ignoring Rufus' little laughter.

 

Whenever he wasn't thinking about his past, about his possible future, he found himself daydreaming about everything else. Today, he was rather joyful but that probably had to do with yesterday's memories. He knew Gordon wouldn't dare come near him today. Maybe not ever again. This simple thought made him smile.

 

He had been helping Rufus at the bakery all morning, preparing the dough so they could bake it. He had not been paying much attention but thankfully, it was a work he had been used to do for four years now, and it had all become pretty mechanical.

 

He was now walking down the same usual street under the warm afternoon's sun. This street he had been scared to take for many years because of his bullies and could now walk down safely. All thanks to one stranger he had met once.

 

Summer was coming, and it was coming fast. The temperatures were already much higher than they had been a few weeks ago. Castiel was pretty sensitive to heat, like most angels. But he tried not to show it. He couldn't afford to show it.

 

Other than that, Summer was one of his favorite seasons. Joy and life were filling the streets and everything felt much lighter. Cas didn't have any friends. But he liked the atmosphere that settled when gatherings were organized downtown, when children ran to the river and jumped with bursts of laughter, when people met to share a nice dinner as the temperatures started cooling down, under the pale light of the night beginning to fall. He liked how days were much longer, allowing everyone to get more things done thanks to the sunlight staying late until the evening. He loved how nights were shorter. How his nightmares had less time to take him with them and trap him in his own mind.

 

A child laughed as he pushed his friend in the water, just below the bridge Castiel was walking on. The other kid, a girl, soon returned to the surface, giggling as well, and splashed the boy on purpose. He didn't lose more time and jumped after her, the air filled with sounds of happiness.

 

Yes, the angel really did like summer. But he also couldn't help observing attentively the slightest things happening around him. He was curious, and fascinated by humans' behavior. By how different they were from his own species. Gabriel, Anna and he had once been like those children. But they had known, all their life, that it wouldn't last.

 

During summer, as well as winter, the streets of any town in Caelum stayed empty. The air was heavy, and everyone was working, busy, or staying home. Angels did not have friends. They had siblings. Siblings they weren't allowed to love for longer than eighteen years. People who appeared in their life they couldn't care about, because they had every chance of disappearing the next day, or worse. They could come back, and be completely different, having nothing left, nothing remaining of their older self except their name. Gabriel called them _doomed_. And Castiel believed he was right. They were sent away, they learned things, they were taught, they changed. They came back devoted to Caelum's superior army. They vowed allegiance to a king they called God. And they obeyed to orders that did not even come from him.

 

The state's affairs were protected, highly reserved to a strict circle of chosen angels and most of all, Castiel believed they were hidden. Gabriel had been the first expressing concerns on the matter. The first to dare admitting the possibility that _maybe_ , there was no king. Maybe he had left, and put his closest advisors in charge. This assumption had been strongly rejected by their parents when his brother had talked to them about it. So horribly refused, they had hit him. For the first, and only real time, his father had slapped Gabriel. And silence had fallen in the room, oppressing and scary.

 

Castiel and Anna hadn't understood at the time. But now, he knew. Their parents had been scared too. It was something present in every mind, every thought, but kept silent, unsaid. They all had doubts, but they kept them in, because they were not allowed to have them, and neither should their children.

 

Gabriel had held his cheek, looking so very offended. He didn't cry, didn't make a sound. But Cas had seen in his eyes that something had changed. And Gabriel's relationship with their parents had never been the same. He could not trust them anymore. He could only trust young minds that were not yet corrupted. He could only trust his brother and sister, and some of the kids he knew from the village.

 

Cas had never expressed his opinions on what had happened, but he had become like Gabriel. Slightly out of place. Unsure. And against every possible rule the society was establishing.

 

This feeling had only grown stronger now that he was in Nanta, and could finally see by himself how different things were here. How a cilivization which didn't live in fear looked like. How people who were not born to die under another name acted. The cultures' differences between species and territories were impressive, astonishing almost.

 

And if Castiel hadn't been devastated by his family's extinction, he would have called himself lucky. Dean had been right. He was lucky. He had had the chance to leave his country, alive and in one piece. He had escaped a place of war and desolation. He had embraced peace in his new home. He had managed not to get caught at the frontier, not to be killed by mercenaries, not to be sent back in Caelum. He had changed his ways of living for something so much easier, so much more bearable. And now he was able to go on and live the way he intended, nobody was here to tell him what to do or how to do it. He would not be sent to any academy to be brainwashed, he would not come home as an emotionless warrior, he would not become someone else, and he would never forget, or stop loving his family. He didn't have to fear for his own safety, not too much, not as long as he didn't tell anyone he wasn't human. He didn't have to hide from demons or angels. He was free.

 

That, somehow, made him lucky.

 

Thinking about all this made his smile widen, and he walked faster, confidently, looking right in front of him, feeling like he was ready to face the world.

 

What he was not ready to face, however, was Dean Winchester coming his way, alongside a brown haired young woman. As soon as Dean saw him, for some reason, he hastened to swing an arm around her shoulders and bring her closer.

 

That had at least the merit of making things clear.

 

“Hey there, Cas.” Dean greeted him casually, a big smile adorning his lips. Castiel thought that was the type of smile he used to get anyone he wanted in his bed.

 

At first sight, that's what Cas had thought about Dean. That he was another of those self-obsessed womanizers. But he had looked too shy, too embarrassed, too sincere when he had talked to him yesterday to be that kind of person. At least, that's what the angel had thought.

 

“Hello, Dean.” He answered nonetheless.

 

“You okay?” The green eyed male asked, for a second he looked concerned, and Cas thought he truly cared. But that was before he added : “Nobody bothering you today? Good, I must have scared them enough.”

 

Castiel tightened his grip on the bucket in his right hand. Dean had just come to talk to him so he could show off in front of the girl.

 

“Do you know this guy?” She asked the Winchester.

 

“Yep, met him yesterday. Saved his ass from a bunch of kids. No big deal.”

 

That was it, Cas wouldn't tolerate this much longer.

 

The woman smiled and pressed against Dean. “You're a true hero.”

 

“Well, excuse me, ' _hero_ ' but I have a lot of things to do.” Cas declared sharply. “You know, I work sometimes, between getting bullied by a bunch of kids and saved by knights in shining armor.”

 

He walked past Dean without even looking at him and mumbled. “Why don't you go back to saving people and looking for girls to impress?”

 

Cas felt really stupid at the moment. He felt like he had been played and fooled. All things considered, it was probably true.

 

“Hey, what's wrong with you?” Dean asked, as if he genuinely had no idea.

 

_What a jerk._ Cas thought. He distantly heard the girl tell him to drop it and the angel didn't even bother answering. 

 

_I'm such an idiot._ He cursed himself. He didn't even know why he felt so betrayed, why this mattered so much. Why the thought of Dean using him in his own interest hurt him like that. He could almost feel his eyes prickle. But that was so absurd. He didn't know Dean. He shouldn't be caring. He had still helped him after all, the fact that he only did it to be able to broad about it didn't change anything, right?

 

He was angry at Dean, obviously, but he was mostly angry at himself, for believing even for a second that there had been a possibility he could finally have a friend. At least someone else than Rufus to count on.

 

Angry beyond words, he didn't think further and walked to the edge of the forest. He threw the bucket on a tuffet and walked in. It had been months since he last came back here. He had used to find some comfort in the woods after he arrived here. Whenever he felt like all of this was too much, like he couldn't make it, like his loss was too intolerable, he came here, alone. Calm, silence, everything helped him clear his head. Sometimes, when he felt really bad, and when he was sure there was nobody around, he would take out his wings.

 

Today was one of those day. Everything had started so well and yet, all he had needed was a remark, a comment, a trivial reflexion, and he felt lost again.

 

He took a moment to notice it, but he had reflexively started running, his hands clenched in fists, rage boiling inside of him. That happened sometimes. Those times when he controlled nothing at all, when he was blinded by anger caused by everything happening around him.

 

Castiel fell on his knees in the grass, scratching them. He didn't care. He curled up on himself. He withdrew. That's all he could do, all he could ever do.

 

He was so lonely.

 

So out of place.

 

He didn't belong.

 

He wasn't human.

 

He wasn't angel either. Not anymore. He had never truly been.

 

He had never learned how to fly, but it hadn't prevented him from falling.

 

He felt like such a failure, he was so useless. His living conditions weren't bad, he was lucky. He kept repeating it, he was lucky. That's all he could do. Convince himself that everything was fine. He had lost his parents, had sent his brother to his death, had pratically killed his sister. He had survived when he had deserved to die. It was all his fault.

 

His story was scarred with mistakes, with betrayal, with sorrow, with lies. But he was _lucky._

 

He found it weird, sad almost, how millions of interrogations could cross his mind in less than a second, having him question his very existence all over again. Who was he? Why was he here? What did he have to bring? Did he even have any purpose at all? He thought it was even stranger, nearly scary, the way his mood could change in a single day. A few hours ago he had smiled brightly, he had been offered possibilities, ways out and now he was feeling so very alone.

 

He stayed still for a moment, his eyes shut tight, his hands on his lap, his head bowed like he was bearing all the weight of the world. Sometimes, he really thought he couldn't do it anymore. Every night, he lived hell, every day he tried to cling to whatever good thing he had in his life to stay up. He couldn't fly, but he didn't have to crawl.

 

_Calm down. Breathe. It's okay, it's all okay._

 

He had panic attacks sometimes, not often, but that happened. Gabriel had always known how to calm him down. He always whispered the same words over and over again. _Everything is fine. It will pass. Just breathe._ And that's what he did. He inhaled deeply, taking in the flowers' scent, the light breeze in the air. He calmed down. And managed to breathe pretty much regularly after a while.

 

His eyes still closed, he arched his back and let his wings out. A small sigh of relief escaped him as he did so.

 

Huge, dark wings stretched up in the sky, untamed. A feather fell on Castiel's lap and he opened his eyes. He picked it up carefully and looked at it. He had almost forgotten the aspect of his own wings. He hadn't taken them out in so long.

 

He touched the feather from the tip of his fingers. It was soft, and pitch black.

 

He looked up to the blue sky. He felt much better now, he felt whole. He could be himself here, he didn't have to hide, didn't have to care about other people's eyes on him. He folded his wings, stretched them, let them flutter, setting them free. He breathed in and out and his heart stopped hammering in his chest. He had to believe everything was going to be alright. It was his only way out.

 

* * *

After his brief meeting with Cas, Dean had felt so overly terrible, he had told Lisa he was going home, that he had things to do. Another bunch of lies. He hadn't meant anything he had said to the teen. And he had truly wanted to know if Castiel was doing okay, but because he was a complete moron, he never even had the answer to his question.

 

He sighed. He had been looking for the blue eyed boy for almost an hour now. He wanted to apologize. He didn't know if that would set things right, but maybe that would help Cas feel a little better than Dean did right now. He couldn't forget how hurt he had looked, how vexed and disappointed.

 

The hunter had disappointed himself too. Just when he had thought he couldn't fall any lower.

 

There was something else he didn't manage to forget. _“Why don't you go back to saving people and looking for girls to impress?”_

 

The kid hadn't known him for more than a day and he already saw right through him. He might as well have said something like: _“Why don't you keep lying to yourself and stop wasting my time?”_

 

Because that's exactly what he was doing. Castiel wasn't just an object he had the right to play with, he was a human being, he had feelings. And Dean, in his natural gentleness, had just hurt him.

 

For a moment, Dean had really thought about going to the tavern and get drunk.

 

_Distraction, distraction, distraction._

 

But that wouldn't always work, and he had come to discover he only felt worse in the aftermath. So for once, he had decided he would do the right thing and find the boy to tell him how sorry he was.

 

He spotted him just when he was about to give up. It had been hours, he had probably come home and Dean didn't know where he lived. But no, Castiel was here, walking up the street he had first seen him on, with his bucket now full of water.

 

“Cas!” Dean called, but whether the boy didn't hear him or he pretended not to.

 

The hunter ran after him, calling him again but the teen didn't even look back. He definitely was pretending not to hear him. When Dean finally catched up on him, he layed a hand on his shoulder. “Wait.”

 

“What do you want?” Cas grumbled under his breath, he really looked pissed.

 

But Dean was even more pissed. “I wanted to... Damn man, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier.”

 

“Apologies accepted, now I have to go-”

 

“No you listen to me.” Dean cut him off, maneuvering around the boy to stand right in front of him, his hand still on his shoulder. “I'm sorry for being such an ass, okay? Really, I'm sorry. I'm...” He sighed, looking down. “I know sorry won't cut it. I don't even have a proper excuse. I'm just feeling a bit down lately but that's no reason to talk to you like I did, so I'm sorry.”

 

Castiel's eyes reflected true compassion for a second, but he quickly shook his head, as if he was suddenly remembering he was supposed to be angry.

 

“It's okay, I understand.” The boy said. “We all have bad times.”

 

There was something in the way he said it that sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

 

“Anyway, I never meant to hurt you or anything and you have every right to be mad.” Dean stated.

 

Cas nodded, smiling lightly. “It's okay. I'm not mad.”

 

Damn, the kid really was nice. Dean would certainly not have forgiven so easily.

 

“What can I do, to make it up to you?” The hunter asked and saw Cas' eyes widen slightly as if he really wasn't expecting that. To be honest, neither did Dean. But he was done being such an idiot all the time. It was about time he did something right. He might have been scared to death about multiple things like his desires, but that didn't have to prevent him from becoming Castiel's friend.

 

“Dean, you really don't have to do anything. I'm telling you, it's fine. I don't blame you.” The dark haired boy said.

 

“I have an idea. Are you doing anything tonight?”

 

Castiel looked at him, his blue eyes searching his face for any indication telling him that it was all a joke. But he didn't seem to find one. “I... I'm not doing anything tonight.”

 

“Good. Perfect. Then I want to show you something. A place where I used to go with my brother when we were kids.” Dean started. “Anyway, you'll see. What do you say I come and pick you up a little later tonight and we'll go together?”

 

Cas smiled. “Okay. That's fine with me.”

 

“Amazing.” Dean said before patting his shoulder quickly. “Then I'll see you later.”

 

Castiel nodded and the hunter turned around to leave.

 

“Dean.” The boy called him again.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You don't know where I live.”

 

 _Oh, right._ Dean felt his cheeks heat up. No, he wasn't embarrassed one bit. No, Castiel wasn't so distracting he had forgotten to ask him where he would pick him up.

 

“Uh, where do you live?”

 

The teen chuckled heartily. “I work at the bakery and sleep in the house just next to it. I'll be there.”

 

“Alright.” Dean smiled, trying to hide his fluster.

 

* * *

The rest of the day went by pretty slowly for Castiel. He had rarely been so impatient. But he also was nervous. What if something turned bad again? He tried to reassure himself. There was no reason anything could be bad at all.

 

Later that day, he was finally selling the last piece of bread of the evening when he saw Dean enter. He gave back her change to the woman in front of him and walked to the green eyed boy.

 

“Ready?” Dean asked with a grin.

 

Cas thought he had the most beautiful smile in the world when it was genuine.

 

“Let me just tell Rufus I'm going.” Cas said before disappearing in the back and coming back a few seconds later. “Now we can go.”

 

“Don't worry, I won't keep you out too late.” Dean assured.

 

The angel nodded and followed the other boy outside. As they began walking, Cas asked: “So, what is this place we're going to?”

 

“Told you, you'll see.” Dean smirked and Cas didn't insist. He had nothing against a surprise, he really just hoped the young man wasn't playing him again.

 

After a while, they arrived near the river. But it was not the shore people usually came to. They had walked for at least ten minutes and were already far away from the city. It was calm, and the evening was warm. Cas felt good, strangely.

 

“Almost there.” Dean announced as he approached the embankement, supporting himself with a hand before jumping over it, landing three feet lower.

 

Cas looked at Dean over the bank and the other man opened his arms, as a sign that he could get down safely. The angel didn't hesitate much longer and jumped over it as well. He landed just in front of Dean, who had cautiously layed two hands on his shoulders to make sure he didn't trip or fall. Cas smiled at the small gesture but the green eyed boy quickly looked away.

 

There was something about the way Dean always tried to avoid keeping eye contact with him too long that triggered Castiel's curiosity.

 

“Here it is.” Dean pointed at a small dock a few feet from here.

 

The two young men headed towards the platform and Cas observed his surroundings. The place really did seem magical. The water in front of them lapped quietly at the wood beneath their feet, creating backwash. The angel walked closer to the edge and noticed the way Dean tensed, pulling his hands out of his pockets to make his arms available. He was ready to steady him if he lost his balance, ready to catch him if he fell. And the thought made Castiel grin. The current was strong here, and if one of them happened to fall, he would probably be dragged under the surface rapidly, for a long distance, and eventually lose consciousness. The angel was understanding Dean's concern.

 

But he decided to duck anyway and sit down on the edge. He could have sworn he heard the other boy curse between his teeth out of fear he was going to bend over even more. Acting like he hadn't noticed Dean's worry, Cas looked up at him and smiled innocently, which caused the Winchester to sit down next to him with a sigh.

 

The angel let his feet hover over the water, never truly touching it, just teasing, testing with the tip of his shoes.

 

“I see why this place is special.” Cas breathed out thoughtfully, looking up at the sky where stars were already appearing, dancing on the calm, soothing waves. The night was clear and there were no clouds. The moon above their head, almost full, was reflecting on the dark river's surface. “It's beautiful.” He commented.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Dean said, but he was looking at Cas, not anything else.

 

* * *

Dean delighted in Cas' amazement, in the way he looked like he had just layed a foot in the most beautiful place in the world. His blue eyes shining with wonder under the pale moonlight, his lips stretched in a smile of content. For once, Dean didn't look away.

 

The angel turned to him, meeting his eyes. “Thank you, for bringing me here.”

 

Dean stared back. “You're welcome, Cas. I was tired of coming here alone.”

 

The dark haired boy looked back at the water below him. He looked like he was about to add something but stopped, leaning over the edge to get a better sight of something. Dean lifted a hand, ready to catch him, just in case. “What is this?” Cas asked, his eyes wide.

 

Dean smiled, he knew what he was talking about. “Look.”

 

Cas straightened and looked up. The water was slowly becoming lighter, fluorescent, almost blue. Gaping, the other boy stared as the whole river lit up.

 

“I don't know what it is.” Dean clarified before he could ask. “I know some stones do that sometimes at night. It only happens during summer. From what I've heard, it's a kind of stone that can only be found in this country. So of course, it doesn't seem so extraordinary when we know we can find them everywhere. But most people don't even know they exist, or don't take the time to check.”

 

The phenomenon didn't last long, not more than a minute, and soon the water became black and dense again.

 

“It's incredible.” Cas whispered.

 

Dean smiled and watched as the blue eyed boy layed down on his back on the dock to observe the stars. He had that light smile on his lips, the one the hunter had noticed he often had when he was thinking deeply.

 

How the hell had he come to notice that in two days? He really needed to stop thinking about the way he noticed everything about Castiel. Dean was still afraid, still unsure, but he had chosen to stop pretending for tonight. _Just for tonight_ , he thought.

 

Cas sighed peacefully and closed his eyes. “You totally made it up to me.”

 

Dean chuckled. “I had to. I've been such a dick this afternoon.”

 

He layed down next to Castiel, looking up at the sky too. “Cas?” He asked, because he really wanted to know, somehow. “How old are you?”

 

“I'm seventeen. What about you?”

 

“Really? You look older. I'm twenty.”

 

“You look younger.” Cas smirked, opening an eye to look at Dean who grinned.

 

They were both grateful, the atmosphere was so much lighter than it had been the day before. There was no awkward silence, no weird subject to fill up the holes in the conversation. Whenever they stopped talking, it was to enjoy a moment of peace. Dean felt comfortable with Cas, in a way he never did before. And Cas trusted Dean, like he hadn't trusted anyone in years.

 

“Dean?” Cas started. “Can you tell me more about yourself? I mean, if you don't mind of course.” He added, almost shyly.

 

Dean chortled. “Course I don't mind. Well, I told you, name's Dean Winchester, I'm twenty. I live at the forge with my dad and my baby brother. Sammy. He's a brilliant kid. Damn, he can do almost everything. So clever, much more than I ever will be. That's pretty much it.”

 

“And your girlfriend? You didn't talk about her.” Cas remarked.

 

“My girlfriend?” Dean asked, confused. But then it came to him. “Lisa? Oh, she's not my girlfriend.”

 

Castiel looked surprised. “Really?”

 

“Yeah.” Dean said, wanting to change of subject. “What about you?”

 

“There really isn't much to tell.” Cas stated.

 

“Doubt that.”

 

“Well I'm Castiel. I'm seventeen and I'm a baker apprentice. I live with Rufus, who was kind enough to take care of me when...” He stopped, as if the words were too hard to formulate. He sighed. “Before that, before the plague I mean, I lived happily with my family. Everything was going so well... I just don't know how...” His voice broke slightly and Dean felt bad for him.

 

“Hey, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it.” The hunter assured.

 

“No, but I want to it's just... I haven't told that to anyone in years.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“There was Gabriel, Anna and I... We were... They were so young.”

 

Dean frowned, he feared what was coming. “Did they...?”

 

“Yes. Anna, my younger sister, she was eight. Gabriel was seventeen. Just like me now.” Castiel explained, his voice smaller at every word.

 

“I'm so sorry. Damn Cas I'm really sorry you had to go through that. How old were you?”

 

“It was four years ago.”

 

Dean resisted the urge to hug the boy next to him. Cas looked like he was on the verge of crying and the hunter knew that if he added anything, he would probably not be able to hold it back anymore. Dean really had no right to complain. Some people had it worse. That's what he always told himself. And Castiel was a living proof of that. He thought the blue eyed boy was going to change the subject, or stay silent but he said something else. Something that made Dean's heart twist for him.

 

“There are... There are days when I wonder. You know? Days when I think I'm not strong enough... That I can't do it anymore.” Castiel pressed a hand on his mouth to repress a sob but it escaped his lips anyway. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't want to break the mood... I just... We were having such a good time, I'm sorry.”

 

“Cas, stop it. It's okay.” Dean said, forgetting all his doubts for a moment. It was pretty obvious the teen needed someone, that he needed comfort nobody gave him. The hunter rolled on his side and put a soothing hand on his shoulder. He had thought about taking his hand but he wasn't sure of Cas' reaction.

 

“I know how that feels.” Dean continued. “But you have to know you're not alone in this.”

 

“I am. I am so very alone. Rufus is here. But I can't show him how I feel... He helped me so much, he did so much for me.” Castiel protested.

 

“You gotta let someone in, Cas. I don't care whom, but you need to. Y'can't just keep all that to yourself. Nobody could. You did that for four years, that's... That's truly impressive.”

 

“I will... I'm going to try Dean, I swear.” The boy promised, wiping his eyes quickly and turning back to the sky.

 

Dean thought he could let go now, and he took his hand off Cas' shoulder to roll on his back again. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes. The hunter figured the teen needed a moment to pull himself back together.

 

“Cas?” He called again after a while. But he had no answer.

 

Curious, Dean turned his head to see the boy laying beside him. He had fallen asleep. They had stayed silent for less than five minutes and he had fallen asleep. He really was unbelievable.

 

Dean smiled and properly took a look. He looked so peaceful, so innocent, with his hand resting on his chest, rising and falling along with his regular breathing, his eyes closed and his relaxed features. There was a very light wind, brushing through his hair and Dean couldn't resist. There was a dark lock on his forehead, moving with the breeze so the hunter pushed it away gently, being very careful not to wake him up. Then he realized that could be creepy if Cas woke up and he took his hand away.

 

All those questions boiling up in his head were quiet tonight. He didn't know why. Things seemed right. He knew he could freak out about all this at any moment, but he really wanted to try this time. He wanted to stop pretending. _Man up, Winchester, right?_

 

Well, he was done running.

 

* * *

Cas woke up half an hour later, when he felt someone shake his shoulder carefully.

 

“Hey, it's almost midnight. We should head home.” He heard Dean's voice talk to him through his hazed mind.

 

He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

 

“Come on sleepy head.” Dean said.

 

Cas stretched and sat up. “Did I fall asleep?”

 

“You slept like a baby. You're drooling by the way.”

 

Castiel's cheeks reddened at the comment. “I'm sorry, I'm not getting much sleep lately. But I had never fallen asleep like that, in the middle of the evening.”

 

Dean sighed. “Would you stop saying you're sorry for a sec'? It's fine. Gave me the opportunity to talk to myself for five minutes before realizing you had drifted off.”

 

That only seemed to embarrass the boy even more and the hunter laughed. “I'm kidding, Cas.”

 

The angel seemed to repress his laughter for a while but he couldn't hold it back very long and giggled softly. “That's very funny Dean.” He commented, for once sounding a bit ironic, but he had a big smile on his lips.

 

“Dean?” He started right after.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you think we could do it again?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“See each other to share other moments like this one. I had a great time.”

 

“Me too. I'd love to do it again, Cas.”

 

They looked at each other and smiled. The tension was gone, replaced by a hint of friendship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, do you have any thoughts about this you would like to share with me? I would love to hear them! Remember, I live for your feedback, it keeps me writing. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews you've already left and for the kudos. You guys are the best!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes an important decision. Something that will most likely change his life, and Cas'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, so here is the fourth chapter. I want to thank my amazing beta reader: nevermoreraven for correcting my errors and giving me advice!   
> I also want to thank each one of you who leaves a comment, I read them all and appreciate all of them. So thank you very much!
> 
> I won't keep you waiting longer, enjoy!

During the following weeks, Castiel and Dean grew closer. They went from complete strangers to  best friends.

Cas felt blessed having met someone like Dean. He finally had someone to talk to, someone to share everything with. He remembered perfectly how his friend had told him to open up, to let someone in. That's exactly what he had done with him.

They had known each other for almost three months now and the angel was starting to question their friendship. 

He was starting to wonder if there wasn't something more, for him at least. Dean was sweet, strong, gentle, so incredibly attentive with him. Castiel's heart raced every time they were close. 

Every time the other boy said something nice to him. He found that he loved spending time with Dean. He loved it more than anything else. He began to wonder if he didn't just simply love him.

He had never felt anything like that. Never tried to get close to anyone, never thought about establishing any type of relationship. For a long time, he had been indifferent to all this, he didn't care, it wasn't for him. He had never fallen in love. Castiel never contemplated any type of emotional, let alone, physical relationship. He didn't even know if he liked men or women. That didn't seem to matter. He only liked Dean.

He was sure Dean didn't look at him the same way at all. He didn't want his vision of him to change, he didn't want to risk their friendship so Castiel kept it all in, never said anything. 

He just kept loving him silently. It was one of the only things the green eyed man didn't know about him, along with the fact that he was an angel. Other than that, Cas had decided to give himself totally and unconditionally to Dean Winchester. He knew that Dean was conscious of that too.

Cas was okay with that, he was ready to hide his feelings, as long as he knew he could stay beside Dean. Even if only as friends. All he ever wanted was for him to be alright, for him to be happy. 

Somehow, that had become a much more important concern than his own happiness. That was okay, because it was Dean, he trusted him, and because he knew he wouldn't hurt him, wouldn't use this weakness against him. 

That was okay because like that, he had forgotten how unhappy he had been. Because like that, days were so much more enjoyable, so much more waited for. His nights were more bearable. He was going to see Dean the next day, so everything would be fine.

The eldest Winchester had asked him about his nightmares, because he had noticed Cas didn't get much sleep. Castiel always seemed pretty tired everyday. The angel had been forced to lie to him, something he hated doing. 

He told him he had bad dreams about the days his family had died, and that much was true, but he had had to describe a death that had not been theirs. At least, that showed that Dean cared.

Cas spent less time in the bakery. He felt pretty bad about this because of Rufus. But the old man seemed truly happy that he had found someone to talk to, that he had finally made a friend after staying on his own for so long. 

Strangely, he let him go when he wanted, telling him to have fun, smiling gently. A smile that said a lot. Cas had the feeling Rufus knew. He had always been good at guessing his moods. The fact that he was probably aware of Cas' feelings for Dean didn't surprise him. The angel was so grateful. Because not only did he seem not to mind at all, but he also seemed to approve.

Today, his friend was supposed to come over and pick him up at the bakery so they could take a walk. Dean had something important to tell him. And Cas was excessively nervous. Was he going to tell him he didn't want to be friend with him anymore? That he had found someone? Was he okay? Was everything alright with his father? Doubts began to creep into his mind.

Cas shook his head and concentrated on his task. There was no point in torturing himself right now, he'd know in due time.

And the time had come, because Dean was waiting for him outside, Castiel saw him out of the window.

“Rufus, I'm going out!” The angel announced.

The old man chuckled. “What a surprise. Don't stay up too late.”

“Promise!”

Cas ran outside with a big grin and Dean smiled too when he saw him, except he looked a little nervous.

“Hey, Cas.” He said.

“Hello, Dean.”

The green eyed boy put a hand on Cas' shoulder and squeezed it. It was very small gesture, insignificant, but it was already something. They always seemed to need to touch. The slightest gesture appeased them. “You okay?” He asked.

“I am fine. How are you Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay too.” Dean answered evasively.

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Not here.”

The hunter let go of his shoulder reluctantly and motioned him to follow him. Cas did as he was told, more and more anxious.

The walk was silent, there was something hidden beneath it. Something Dean struggled to get out. But Cas saw, by the way he kept taking a small breath as if he was about to talk and suddenly gave up, that it must have been something hard to say.

 

That morning, Dean made a decision, but he was too scared to talk about it right now. He wondered if he'd ever be brave enough. He was tired of his life only being based on lies and fakes. He felt better with Cas than he did with... Anyone. He failed to see how that could be wrong.

Hell, he had never been good at the whole relationship thing. He had never really thought about it anyways, it had never been serious enough. He usually banged a chick from time to time but it was never for more than a night or two. He had never felt the need to settle down. But maybe it was because he hadn't found the right one to do that with. When he thought about it, he had never fallen in love.

But Cas? He had known Cas for less than a year, three months to be exact. 

Cas was his friend. Nothing more. He couldn't be anything more. Could he? 

His father wouldn't allow it. Dean had to repress it. He had to forget it. 

He had to stop having very inappropriate thoughts about his best friend. That was wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Damn it, but then why was he here? He didn't even know what to tell Cas. He had told him he had something to say, but he just couldn't. 

He was chickening out. He could clearly see Cas was tensed beside him. He wondered what Dean had to tell him that was so important.

Of course the hunter was more and more unsure.

They arrived to a little glade in the forest, and Dean stopped, looking down.

Cas turned to him, looking worried. “Dean? Is something wrong?”

“Nah Cas, nothing wrong.”

Everything was wrong.

He looked at the dark haired boy and drowned himself in the deep blue of his eyes. He did that often, too often. Cas' face was expressing nothing but concern, his head was tilted to the side, he did that when he was confused. He was frowning a little and his lips were parted slightly. He was cute. Very very cute. Dean had been paying too much attention. He was too far in and there was no going back.

“Dean?” Castiel repeated seeing the hunter was still staring.

Fuck it, Dean thought.

He smirked playfully and took a step closer to Cas. He almost heard his friend's breath catch in his throat.

He made sure the grass under them was thick enough so Cas wouldn't hurt himself when Dean pushed him. 

The other boy let out a yelp of surprise and fell on his back. Soon he was chuckling. But this chuckle stopped as soon as Dean fell on top him. The hunter supporting himself with his arms so he wouldn't put all his weight on the thinner boy. Their happy chuckles replaced by a short breath and a gulp. They were so close, 

Dean could almost feel Cas' erratic heartbeats reverberating in his own chest. The hunter was grinning above him and the teen was blushing bright red.

“Cas?”

“Y-yes?”

“I'm done running.”

Castiel was about to ask what he meant by that when he was cut short by Dean's lips pressing against his own. The younger boy took a moment to close his eyes, too shocked to react, but he did so as soon as Dean deepened the kiss.

It wasn't wrong. It couldn't be. It felt so incredibly good. So right.

Cas let out a small hum into the kiss as Dean's tongue slipped into his mouth. The hunter was sure now, more confident. Things were changing and he was unafraid.

He loved every second of it. Loved the way Cas parted his lips to allow him in, loved the way Cas let him explore every part of his mouth. It was nice, it was gentle, there was no rush.

Dean didn't pull away until they were both completely out of breath. 

A flush was covering Cas' cheeks, spreading to his ears. The young boy beneath him looked truly dazed, looking up at him as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world. Dean realized he never wanted that look to disappear from his eyes.

He was expecting another 'freak out moment' but it never came.

“D-Dean...” Castiel stuttered. “I thought you...”

“I like boys too.” Dean said.

There it was. He had admitted it, finally. That didn't seem like such a big deal now that it was out there. He chuckled, more out of nervousness than anything. Something that had bothered him all his life, had turned his existence into a living hell wasn't that big of a deal. He felt stupid.

“But right now...” Dean added, brushing his lips against Castiel's again. “Right now I only like you.”

Cas' face lit up, literally. He grinned, wider than Dean had ever seen him and put a hand on the back of the hunter's neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

“I'm so glad...” The blue eyed boy mumbled against his lips.

Dean smirked and kissed him again, he never wanted this moment to end. Besides, he would have loved to see how long Cas could hold his breath.

The experiment was successful because the teen was the one who pulled away this time, panting. He still kept his face really close to Dean's and for a moment they were breathing each other's air.

“I- I think I'm in love with you.” Cas whispered.

The hunter knew. He had known for a while but hadn't allowed himself to think about it. He was in love with Cas too, he saw that now. Dean had never, ever said 'I love you' to anyone. Not since his mother died.

“Me too.” He answered, sincerely while avoiding those three words.

Cas sighed happily and closed his eyes, he didn't seem to mind. Dean rolled off of him and onto his back, shutting his eyes too. Soon, the blue eyed boy pressed closer and the hunter wrapped an arm around him.

Everything felt right, Dean was happy. Really, truly happy. For the first time in a very long time. He knew it was the same for Cas. They could have stayed here, laying in the grass, together, the younger boy's head resting on Dean's chest while he kept him close. There was nobody around, just them. Everything was calm and peaceful.

Dean had come to notice it mostly was when Cas was with him. He could be tense, nervous, anxious, and Cas always managed to soothe him and make him feel better. He felt bad for denying himself and his friend/boyfriend/whatever Castiel was to him now - what they could have had from the beginning.

They stayed here for hours, both of them lost in their thoughts, snuggling against each other. There wasn't a glimpse of tension between them, not a hint of discomfort. 

Eventually, Cas ended up falling asleep. Dean didn't try to wake him up and let him rest, he knew about those nightmares he so often had and he wished he could help him, but he didn't know how. He could at least make sure that Cas slept peacefully this time.

When the teen finally woke up, the sun was nothing more than a pink line on the horizon. Cas blinked a few times, visibly trying to understand where he was and what he was doing here.

“You should have woken me up!” He exclaimed when he saw Dean beside him.

“Nah, you needed to rest.” The hunter asserted, not leaving much room for protest.

Cas groaned, yawning, and rolled off of Dean, who couldn't help the fond smile on his lips. The younger boy stretched, finally emerging from his well deserved nap.

“So...” Dean started, a little unsure. “I was wondering... Actually, my dad isn't here tonight and Sam's sleeping at his girlfriend's.”

Cas looked at him, a little bewildered, his mind still foggy with sleep, obviously not understanding right away. Cas looked like he was about to ask what to do with that piece of information when his eyes lit up with comprehension. He let out a single “oh.”

“Yeah,” Dean continued. “So would you like to... I don't know. Come over?”

A smile made his way onto Cas' lips and he immediately nodded. “I think I would love that, actually.”

Dean sighed, reassured. He was still a bit anxious, he had no idea how it was going to go but he was definitely going to give it a shot.

 

Castiel had to admit, he was nervous too. But he was mostly drowning in happiness. He had never thought this would happen to him. And especially not with someone as great as Dean. Just knowing that his friend felt the same way he did was enough to make him feel like he had conquered the world.

The two young men made their way to John's forge, where the Winchesters lived. “So, um, here we are.” Dean announced, as if it wasn't obvious enough.

And Cas realized he wasn't sure how to act either so he took his hand, in hope that would help make him feel better. Apparently it did, because Dean sighed, his tensed shoulders relaxing. He quickly showed Cas around. 

The house wasn't very big, pretty modest and cold. Castiel was surprised to see that none of the rooms felt like a joyful family lived here. If he had been asked about his impression, the angel would have sworn it was one of his species' house. It didn't look hearty, it didn't look cosy, and Dean didn't look comfortable in it. 

As he took Cas on a tour of his dwelling, the younger boy understood that Dean felt unhappy in this place, he felt like it wasn't home. And the angel could see why. Something was missing and the atmosphere was so heavy, Cas thought he was going to choke. It was as bad, he realized with horror, as his own native house had been. And just like it had been for him, the only room where he finally allowed himself to breathe freely was Dean's room. 

There were two beds in it, so it had to be Sam's room too. It was the only place of the house where Cas didn't feel like he was suffocating. If the rest of the rooms were very dark and poorly decorated, this one was light and felt like it was full of life. There wasn't a lot of furniture either, but it was easy to guess that two very different people slept here. Dean's side -he supposed it was Dean's side- was pretty messy and the bed wasn't made. There were sheets of paper strewn around that added to the mess.  There was dirty laundry on the floor in small piles that Dean hastened to shove under his bed. Cas noticed a few inscriptions on the wall above the bed. Two of them said: D.W and S.W.

Sam's side however, was very tidy and confirmed what Dean had told Cas about him. He was a serious kid, obviously. Sam’s bed was made, the books neatly stacked atop the nightstand.  

Cas flashed a smile at Dean, signifying him he had understood which bed was his. He swore he saw the older boy blush a little. “What? I hadn't planned on you coming by.” He tried to justify the mess in his room.

“You invited me.” Cas reminded him.

“Whatever.”

The angel tried his best to repress a chuckle but he couldn't keep it in.

“Hey.” Dean said, his voice almost menacing, but also playful. “Don't laugh at me.”

“I'm not, I swear.” Cas promised, biting his lip not to smile and raising his hands in fake surrender.

He wasn't expecting Dean to take those hands firmly and bring him closer. His heart skipped a beat and he found himself mere inches apart from Dean's face.

“I don't like liars.” The other man growled, sparks of arousal in his eyes.

Cas gulped. 

He has no idea. Relax, he doesn't know. He thought, desperately trying to remind himself that Dean didn't know how much impact those words had on him. 

But that also reminded him how much of a liar he really was, how much he hid from Dean. Suddenly, he wondered if the green eyed boy would still love him if he knew. His own arousal was very close to zero right now. That changed as soon as Dean added, “You know what I do to liars? I teach them a lesson. They remember it for a very, very long time.”

Cas sucked in a shuddering breath. What would Dean teaching him a lesson look like?

“I-... I, uh...” Cas stammered, before realizing he really didn't know what to say, his eyes lost in Dean's.

The older teen smiled seeing the effect he could have on Castiel. “Mm, so have you been a liar, Cas?”

If you knew...

“N-no...” Cas managed to squeeze out, which was a lie in itself.

“So, you're not gonna laugh at me again? You're gonna be good?”

Cas nodded frantically. “I'll be good.”

The angel couldn't take the tension between Dean and him, it was unbearable. 

He could almost feel the air heave around them, and see sparkles of electricity. Suddenly, it came to him. 

It wasn't just an impression. The air really was heavy, and every part of his body was vibrating with a power he had never felt before. His grace, his abilities. He was the one doing that. He freaked out.

“D-Dean...” He murmured, as if the other boy could bring him any kind of reassurance when he didn't even know what was going on.

“Yes Cas?” He asked, his voice low, his face buried in Castiel's neck, leaving a soft kiss here, which made the angel shiver.

He was loving this. Maybe a little too much, and he was so scared of the consequences. He was terrified of his powers, he didn't know how to control them. He didn't even know they were there before now and he didn’t want his abilities to take over. 

Castiel was afraid that Dean would reject him if he learned the truth and he was also concerned for Dean’s safety. If he put Dean in danger, the person he cared about the most, he would never forgive himself.

“I can't...” The angel admitted reluctantly, even though his body was screaming that he could, and his voice was shaking, betraying him.

Dean pulled away slowly, looking him in the eyes. “Why not?” He asked.

Cas looked down. He couldn't justify that, because he really wanted to. Dean, however, seemed to soften. “It's your first time.” He said, as if he were just taking conscience of it now. “Of course, I'm sorry. You don't have to if you don't want to, if you're not ready.”

But I want to. I really really do.

Cas finally dared to look up at Dean. “I'm sorry.” He whispered sadly.

“Don't be. Really, it's okay. I get it. We have time, and if I'm to be your first...” Dean leaned closer, whispering hotly in Cas' ear. “I want it to be unforgettable. I want you to remember every detail perfectly.”

Cas held his breath, swallowing thickly. What was Dean doing to him? Everything he was doing, saying was driving him insane and he caught himself having thoughts he never had before. He couldn't resist this man, at all. Dean was going to be his undoing.

He cared. He was understanding. Even though he didn't know the real reason of Cas' rejection, he still didn't push him. He even offered to wait for him. Dean Winchester was obviously a person who could have absolutely everyone he wanted. He could have sex with a woman and never see her again, and yet, he was ready to wait for Castiel. Even though the blue eyed boy was still afraid, he knew deep down that Dean wouldn't stop talking to him after Cas' first time.

“So, since we're changing our plans, what d'you say we go downtown? I heard there's a feast.” Dean proposed.

Cas smiled, nodding. He had heard about it too, of course, it was the annual summer feast. He had never gone, simply because he hadn't wanted to stay all alone when friends were having fun together. This year he wasn't alone anymore.

“I hope you know how to dance.” Dean said and Cas gulped. “Good, because I don't know either.” The other boy chuckled heartily.

Cas sighed in relief, not that he had been expecting Dean to be a professional dancer, but he would feel at least a little less ridiculous if they were two to be bad at it.

“It's gonna be amazing.” Dean assured with a grin and Cas was inclined to believe him.

 

By the time they made it downtown, the streets were already crowded and music could be heard from all places. Castiel felt his excitement and impatience grow. Dean, seeing his partner's wonderment, took his hand and looked at him lovingly. 

He had always thought Cas could be amazed by pretty much everything, he was proved right once again. The music was loud, people had set a gigantic fire right in the middle of the village's square and some of them were already dancing around it. Everywhere, cries of joy and laughter could be heard.

Cas looked up at Dean and squeezed his hand, his eyes were shining with delight. Dean thought he was going to melt right here, right now. He had been so stupid. Now that he allowed himself to have those types of thoughts, things were so much easier.

“Come on! Let's get closer!” Cas exclaimed enthusiastically, pulling his arm to bring him towards the fire.

“Yeah, yeah, coming.” Dean chuckled, following behind Castiel.

The angel stopped once he couldn't make his way through the crowd anymore and Dean made sure to keep him close so he wouldn't lose sight of him with all the people around. The hunter stared at Cas fondly, noticing as he started to move his head along with the music after a moment. He was so thrilled about the whole thing, Dean thought it was adorable, truly.

“So, um, you like it?” Dean asked.

Cas turned to him, grinning. “I love it!”

The hunter was still a little hesitant about showing their relationship to everyone, especially since it wasn't accepted around here, but he was so incredibly tired of being unhappy. So he leaned down to kiss Castiel softly, just a quick peck on the lips, enough so that a spark of surprise formed in his eyes, turning into a loving gaze. This boy was going to be the end of him.

Dean smirked and took Cas' hand, “C'mon, let's dance.”

“I- I'm not sure...” The angel started but was cut short by Dean who suddenly pulled him close, a hand coming to rest on his lower back, pinning him against his own body.

He clearly saw Castiel's eyes widen, and he clearly heard the little yelp of surprise he made. The younger boy's cheeks were red and he was looking up at him with barely concealed desire. Fuck. Dean thought. How was he supposed to survive this night? Cas' eyes were so deep and filled with thousands of emotions, the fire's flames reflecting in the blue of his gaze, dancing on a face that only showed wonder and astonishment. Dean was so far gone, he realized.

Nevertheless, he started to move, slowly. And apparently, Cas wasn't such a bad dancer after all, because he soon let himself be carried by the sounds around them and helped Dean settle in the rhythm.

Dean allowed himself to enjoy Cas' proximity, the feeling of his hand on his shoulder, the way he unconsciously pressed closer, how his eyes sparkled with joy. Everything about the moment was perfect, until someone bumped into them violently, making Dean stumble as he tried to prevent Cas from losing his balance.

“Aaah Cassie!” The boy who had pushed them exclaimed.

Dean's hands clenched into fists and Cas' face grew pale. It was Gordon, and he was pretty drunk by the looks of it, barely standing on his feet.

“What do you want?” Dean growled, threatening and the other boy turned to him, unfazed.

“Oh, Winchester you're here too! What an amazing night.” Gordon joked, laughing to himself.

“Fuck off, Gordon.” Dean simply said.

“Well, that's not very nice, man.” The other boy mumbled, furrowing his brows. “I've only come to say hello to your little fag friend. Noticed you two were pretty close too. He didn't corrupt you did he?” He asked with a smirk.

Dean saw red.

“You watch your fucking mouth.” The hunter warned, losing his calm and taking one step closer to Gordon. Dean was barely taller than him but the look in his eyes would have made anyone run away, their tail between their legs. But Gordon was drunk so he just stared at him, looking unimpressed.

“Why? You gonna hit me?”

“I might just do that.”

Gordon sighed. “Y'just can't handle the truth.”

And it was true, he couldn't. So he punched the other teen in the face, hard.

“What the hell man?!” Gordon cried, holding his cheek.

“Told you to watch your mouth, you son of a bitch!” Dean grunted.

It should have been enough, Gordon should just have left, pissed off yes, but he should have left anyway. But once again, his mind was so hazed by the alcohol he just pounced Dean without any warning, making him fall on the floor, the air knocked off of his lungs under the other man's weight.

“You gonna regret that, fucker!” Gordon yelled, both his hands on Dean's neck, trying to strangle him.

The hunter tried to push him away, make him roll off of him, he was supposed to be good at fighting for god's sake. Dean had been taken by surprise and his situation was very unfavorable. Also even if he didn't want to admit it, Gordon was pretty strong. He couldn't make him let go of his neck, he couldn't even get him to loosen his grip. Soon, he was gasping for air.

But suddenly, the weight on top of him was gone, and so were the hands on his neck. He coughed a little before sitting up, unable to believe what he was seeing.

Cas was standing up in front of Gordon, who was sitting on the floor, looking shocked. But it wasn't just that. The look on Castiel's face was almost scary. He looked angry, so angry everyone near them had stopped dancing and had formed a circle around them, looking silently at the scene.

“You touch him again, I will end you.” The younger teen said.

Every word was filled with indescribable rage, it sent chills through Dean's body. He had never seen his friend like that. He had taken blows and slurs for years without ever fighting back. Yet, the second Gordon had laid a hand on Dean, he had reacted.

The other man, still on the floor, blinked a few times, slowly coming back to his senses. “Oh yeah?” He teased. “How're you gonna do that?”

It only seemed to make Cas' anger grow and he took a step forward, his eyes focused on the boy sitting before him. “Something tells me you do not wish to find out.”

There was something in his voice that was so menacing it should have dissuaded anyone to come closer. Gordon was stupid, but he wasn't crazy and he gulped at Castiel's threatening tone, trying to get away slowly.

Dean just stared, dazed.

“Okay, okay I get it, you don't want me to touch your boy toy.” Gordon said, before bursting into laughter, obviously very drunk.

“He's not... He's not my boy toy.” Cas stuttered, flustered.

That was it. A moment of distraction. That's all Gordon needed to finally get up and try to punch Castiel. Dean got on his feet as quickly as he could but surprisingly, his friend moved faster.

The hunter saw it, because he was paying attention, but he doubted anyone else did. Cas simply took one step to the side, letting Gordon fall frontwards and laid a hand on his chest. He didn't push, didn't apply any pressure, and yet the other boy found himself thrown three feet farther.

Gordon fell on the floor once more, with a huff and a grunt of pain.

The silence around them was deadly. Everyone was staring at Castiel with incredulity and the young teen just looked down at his hands, as if he were scared of something all of a sudden.

Dean didn't understand why but he didn't have time to think about it. He saw Gordon get up once again, going straight to Cas, taking advantage of how startled he was right now.

And the hunter was so not going to let that happen again. Before the boy could reach his friend, Dean had swept him off his feet and held the collar of his shirt, growling right at his face, “Leave it, Gordon. It's over, go home.”

Ultimately, Gordon finally gave up and stopped wriggling. Dean turned to Cas. “Are you okay?”

His friend was strangely still plunged in an intense contemplation of his hands but he looked up at the sound of Dean's voice. He looked like he had been punched in the guts. He was so pale the hunter wondered if he was going to pass out. “Y-yeah, I'm fine.” Cas managed to answer. Then, he glanced at Dean with concern. “I'm sorry, I should be the one asking that question.”

The hunter brushed the comment away with a movement of the hand. “I've seen a lot worse.”

Still, the expression of worry didn't disappear from Castiel's face.

Dean quickly took a look around, everyone was still staring at them, exchanging whispers. He knew Cas hated being at the center of attention.

“I guess the party's over...” He murmured, wrapping an arm around Castiel's shoulders and slowly bringing him where there were less people.

His friend was unusually silent.

“Thanks for saving my ass back there.” Dean said after a moment.

“It was nothing I...” He stopped, his hands were shaking. “I don't know what's gotten into me...”

Dean frowned and took both of Castiel's hands. “Hey, you did amazing. That was some pretty good moves. Did someone teach you how to fight?”

He saw his friend's face fall apart but he got a hold on himself so fast, Dean wondered if he had imagined it.

“My... My brother and I, sometimes we fought. He taught me how. But it was just a game.” Cas informed him.

“Well, he did a hell of a good job.” The hunter chuckled.

The rest of the way back to the forge was pretty silent, Dean could see that Castiel was exhausted. He seemed to have lost all interest in anything but his feet. He just walked without saying a word, looking down at the ground. Something had changed but Dean didn't understand what.

The hunter lead him to his and his brother's room.

“Sorry but... My bed's pretty small. Do you want to sleep in Sam's bed?” Dean asked, hesitant.

He actually would have loved for Cas to sleep with him in his bed, and he was praying for him to refuse his proposition. Thankfully, his friend looked baffled by the idea.

“I thought...” He started, apparently not knowing how to finish that sentence.

“Forget what I just said.” Dean smiled and took off his shirt. Finally, Cas reacted. His mouth fell open, and he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering on Dean's body.

By the time the hunter was totally undressed except from his underwear, Castiel still hadn't moved. Dean slipped under the covers of his bed.

“What are you waiting for?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Cas blinked a few times, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing and hastened to get rid of his clothes as well.

Dean opened his arms to him and Cas joined him under the blanket, the hunter squeezing him close so they would both fit in the bed.

Eventually, the younger teen ended up laying on his stomach, comfortably nestled next to Dean. The hunter had thought it would be weird to sleep with Cas, considering how long he had taken to deal with his feelings, but he realized that he had never felt better than now. Having Castiel was wrapped in his arms, his heart beating so fast he could feel it.

Dean did his best not to think about how close they were right now, how he could feel Cas' hipbone against his, how the blue eyed boy was so obviously affected by their proximity too.

Tonight was going to be a long night if he couldn't have any inappropriate thoughts. But he respected that Cas needed time, and even if he died in the process, he would wait for him.

“Night, babe.” Dean whispered with a smirk.

It was too dark for him to see the flush on Castiel's cheeks but he knew it was there.

“Good night, Dean.” The teen muttered.

It didn't take more than five minutes for Cas to become limp in his arms, as he drifted off. Dean didn't blame him though, he knew how tired he was.

For the first time in four long and exhausting years, Castiel slept the whole night, without a single nightmare.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas discovers that he has abilities he never suspected, in order to protect himself and Dean, he has to find a way to tame them. So that they can finally enjoy their relationship fully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my beta: nevermoreraven who is beyond amazing and helps me more than she can ever imagine.  
> Warning: There's smut in this chapter! It's only my second time writing smut so I hope I didn't mess up too bad.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

In the weeks that followed, Cas only had one goal: to get a hold of himself. Dean and he grew closer every day and as long as the green eyed man hid their relationship from his father, everything was fine. He even dared to kiss Castiel in public.

 

They had had a long conversation about why Dean had taken so long to confess his feelings for Cas. It was a very important and difficult subject for Dean to discuss.  He had to expose his biggest fears and insecurities. Cas understood his reasons were mostly because his father wouldn't allow it, and although he had never met John Winchester in person, he had heard enough to dislike him. The angel was usually reluctant when judging people before meeting them, but the older Winchester was an exception.

 

Firstly, Dean came into the bakery with a big bruise on his side. Castiel had noticed him favoring his side, but once he saw the bruise that darkened Dean’s skin Castiel saw red. For the first time, he felt the need to murder someone.

 

The young man had assured it was nothing. Dean kept repeating that he'd seen worse, but Castiel wouldn't hear any of that. He couldn't imagine what the consequences of him learning about his son and the angel's relationship would be.

 

Secondly, he knew how badly John treated his sons. He also knew that Dean would have rathered die than allow Sam to be hurt.

 

Every time Cas would worry about Dean because of these circumstances. The eldest Winchester would just get angry and tell him that he was fine. Dean would tell Cas that he could take care of himself. He didn’t want to be babied because of a little bruise. The angel usually had no other choice but to drop the subject.

 

It had been three weeks since the feast, and Gordon hadn't showed up again. Either he was very good at hiding or he was deliberately avoiding them.

 

Three weeks since Cas had discovered that something was wrong.

 

It had started in Dean's room, when they had gotten close. He had felt a power he hadn't known existed boiling inside of him.

 

That scared him. He had been able to stop, making Dean think he needed time.

 

However, he hadn't expected the incident at the feast to happen.

 

The fear he had felt when he had seen Gordon choking Dean had urged him to react.

 

He hadn't thought, hadn't cared, he had fought although he had sworn he never would. Not only for his opponent's sake, but for his own too. He didn't fight like humans at all.

 

It had been three weeks and he had lived with an irrational paranoia since then.

 

He had to say that he didn't regret his choice for a second. He couldn't stand the sight of Dean in trouble in front of him without being able to do anything about it. If that meant he was to be hanged in the public square for his actions, then so be it.

 

But he hadn't necessarily decided to let himself die. There were things he wanted to do first, experiences he wanted to have. For that, he needed to learn how to control his powers.

 

That's why he had come to the forest every day for three weeks. He stayed approximately two hours each day and concentrated. He had discovered so many things. Most of them terrified him.

 

The first day, he had been so angry at himself, he had just let it all out. What a terrible mistake it had been. Suddenly, an entire tree had been uprooted, falling on the ground with a very loud sound. Thankfully, he had made sure to be far from the city so nobody would hear. Still, it was impressive.

 

The following days, he had tried everything. He had gotten angry, sad, even aroused, and had observed his powers' reaction to it all. Finally, after long weeks of work, he had managed to control them.

 

If it could be called control. Let's just say he was able not to destroy everything around him when his emotions became intense.

 

So that's what they teach them at the academy.

 

He was still against it, of course, but it was clearer now. Angels were born with very powerful abilities, and there is no doubt they could be deadly if not properly trained. But if the price to pay was to lose every ounce of compassion in the process, that was not a feasible option.

 

Yet, he was getting somewhere, by himself, and he was proud. He sincerely didn't think he could take more of the tension between Dean and him. The other boy was killing him, with his kisses that went from his mouth to his neck, with his hands that sometimes wandered a little too far, with his words he whispered seductively into his ear.

 

He was done waiting. Tonight, he would try it.

 

His life had become so much easier since Dean had entered it, so much happier. They almost managed to sleep together every night, whether it was at Dean's place when his father wasn't here or Castiel's. Rufus didn't mind at all. He even thought Dean was a nice guy.

 

Most of the time, to justify the fact that Dean didn't sleep at home -not that his father minded much- Sam covered them. Cas had met the younger Winchester two weeks ago.

 

He was an awfully nice sixteen year old boy, very polite and well educated. The smile on his lips when he had shaken Cas' hand showed how happy he really was to meet him. They had both heard so much about each other through Dean.

 

Very rapidly, the two younger teens had become friends, finding out that they had more in common than they had thought. Sam had even told Cas that he was glad Dean had found him, because his brother looked much happier now.

 

That of course filled Castiel's heart with warmth.

 

 

* * *

 

Dean was pacing in his bedroom. Cas had promised he'd be here when the sun set, but he still hadn't arrived. The sun had already dipped into the horizon.

 

“Dean, calm down. I'm not even gone yet.” Sam said, lacing his shoes on his bed across the room.

 

“Yeah, right.” The hunter sighed, flopping down on his bed, his hands squeezing his knees in anticipation.

 

He didn't know why he was so impatient, well, of course, seeing Cas was always amazing but tonight, it was better than ever.

 

He had been coping with his thoughts for weeks. He hadn't gotten laid in so many days he had lost count, and Cas brought in him very unholy fantasies. He had sworn he'd wait for him, and he would. He started to think he might actually die before they did anything.

 

The weird thing about it was that Cas didn't seem to want to push him away. He didn't look like he was disgusted by the thought. He actually looked like he wanted this as bad as Dean. Yet,every time, he stopped them, always weakly, almost reluctantly, like he was afraid of something.

 

That triggered the hunter's curiosity.

 

“Dean, someone knocked at the door.” Sam informed him with a smirk.

 

“Ah? Oh, yeah, I'm going.” Dean said, looking up suddenly.

 

He got up and opened the door for Cas who was waiting, already smiling at him.

 

“Hey, how you doing baby?” Dean asked, grinning.

 

Without even answering, Cas kissed him immediately. The kiss was different, more enthusiastic, eager, almost.

 

“Wow, I'll take that as a yes then.” Dean commented, his thumb rubbing Cas' cheek.

 

“How are you?” The teen inquired.

 

The hunter chuckled. “Amazing now.” He pulled Cas in, bumping into Sam on their way.

 

“ 'Evening Cas!” Sam greeted, patting his shoulder. “I'm going, have fun guys.”

 

Dean was so going to kill his brother for the little wink he directed them. They were definitely going to have fun judging by the spark of desire in Castiel's eyes.

 

As soon as Sam had closed the door, Cas was on him again, kissing him deeply, passionately.

 

“Hey...” Dean whispered with a smirk. “What's this about?”

 

Cas whined when the hunter broke the kiss. “Dean... I'm ready. I want it. Please...”

 

Dean gulped. Well, if that wasn't the best news of the day. He growled in arousal, seeing lust painted all over his lover's face.

 

The hunter couldn't wait to hear all the sweet little noises Cas could make, he couldn't wait to see how he would look when he came undone in his arms. Dean was going to take him apart piece by piece, and pull him back together. He would be soft, gentle, but he would also make this impossible for Cas to forget. He was going to take care of him.

 

So he was ready? He had it coming, then.

 

 

* * *

 

Dean brought Cas close, his hands firmly anchored at his waist while he kissed him again. His tongue forcing its way into the angel's mouth, making him gasp as he sucked in a breath.

 

Soon, Cas was pinned against the wall, helpless under Dean's assaults. He loved it. He realized how long he had waited and how much he wanted it. He was still a little unsure because of his grace, but he had resisted long enough.

 

He could feel Dean's lips on his neck now. His grip strong and steady, but the trail of kisses he left on Cas' skin were very soft.

 

The angel felt a shiver run down his spine when the older boy nipped at his neck gently, sucking there, leaving his mark on him. Cas was his. He always had been, always would be.

 

“D-Dean...” Cas stuttered with difficulty, feeling himself harden.

 

The hunter stilled instantly. He pulled away slightly to look at Cas. “I'm sorry... Want me to stop?”

 

“No!” Cas exclaimed, his eyes wide. Dean smirked. “No, I love it... Please don't stop...”

 

That seemed to satisfy the eldest Winchester who dipped back into his neck, his hands running down Cas' back, sliding beneath the waistband of his pants and squeezing his ass. The angel let out a quiet gasp of surprise, gripping Dean's shirt like he was holding on for dear life.

 

Suddenly, Dean pulled away. His eyes were shown with nothing but hunger. He looked almost predatory, and Cas felt his dick twitch. “I want to see you. Come on.” He said.

 

Taking the angel's hand, Dean dragged him to the bedroom, closing the door behind them, spinning Cas around so he would be pressed against him once again.

 

“You're gonna love it. Every second of it.” Dean whispered seductively, in Castiel's ear before biting onto his lobe.

 

Cas whimpered slightly. Somehow, he didn't doubt that. Dean was going to be the end of him.

 

Slowly, the hunter pushed him towards the bed, where he fell flat, on his back.

 

In a matter of seconds, Dean was on him, crushing him with weight. Cas huffed, his hands almost immediately flying to the hunter's back, pressing, clenching, needing. He untucked to the hem of his shirt, desperately trying to touch, wanting to touch. The movements were frantic, urging. Cas' entire body was trembling with anticipation, every cell of his being filled with unconcealed excitation.

 

Dean was growling in his neck, sending vibrations against his skin, growing more eager every instant.

 

Castiel loved that the other man's hands were firm, almost hard on his flesh, and yet sure and caring. He was insistent but never hurtful. He was always cautious as he touched and marked every inch of the pliant body beneath him.

 

Cas let him, because it felt relieving, not to take it all upon himself, not to stand alone against the world. With Dean, he didn't have to be strong. It felt easy, to rely on him. Almost as easy as it had been to fall in love with him. His powers coiled when he wasn't in charge, because he had decided to give himself irrevocably and unconditionally to the man on top of him.

 

He was inexperienced, a novice, Dean was teaching him, all the while experimenting himself. The hunter had never done it like that, with a man. Although, judging from the lust that darkened his green eyes, from the way he looked at Cas as if he were a delicious slice of pie he was craving to taste. He was enjoying it too.

 

Seeing that Cas was trying to pull his shirt above his head, Dean helped him. Suddenly the angel was gazing upon a landscape like no other. The Winchester's body was a true painting, a masterpiece that had its place in a museum, in the most luxurious gallery. Cas' eyes roamed over the valleys of his ribs, the hills of his chest and abs. His skin was tanned, he had freckles on the shoulders and forearms, like a thousand little dots of light. It was as if he had been kissed by the sun, peering through the antlers of a giant tree, which leaves were as green as his eyes.

 

Dean must have noticed him staring because he had stopped, gazing down at him with a playful smile. “See something you like?”

 

Cas' fingers came to brush over his chest slowly, softly, testing. He was still looking at him with barely hidden adoration. His palm now resting on the hunter's abdomen, touching scarcely, with infinite cautiousness, like he would have a piece of art he was scared to deteriorate. “You are... Beautiful.” He breathed out in pure sincerity, his eyes already looking up to meet Dean's.

 

The other man seemed taken aback for a moment, and a crimson blush crept over his cheeks. Cas smiled at the rare sight.

 

All of a sudden, Dean asked something. Something that left the angel's world stumbling.

 

“Why? I'm nothing special.”

 

Cas' eyes widened and he sat up, now facing Dean. His eyes at the level of the hunter's nose. He kept his gaze steady, confident, although it made him sorry, sad that such an amazing being could think so low of himself.

 

“Dean.” He started.

 

“No, but it's true, look at me... I'm not good enough, I'll never be. I can't even make my father proud. I'm such a failure.”

 

“Dean.”

 

“Cas listen, I can’t even find a proper job. I'm bad at everything. I'm supposed to be good at fighting, but back at the feast, I couldn't even keep you safe.”

 

“Dean...” Castiel repeated, barely a whisper now.

 

“And Sammy... I've never been enough. I'm just a drunk bastard who isn't even brave enough to stand up to his dad. Who's not even capable of going out with you in public without shitting himself. I'm gonna end up like him... I always knew it.”

 

“Dean!” Castiel snapped out sharply.

 

The hunter turned to him, finally daring to face him. His eyes were watery, but he wasn't shedding any tears.

 

“You are special to me.” Cas muttered, his voice calm, soothing. “You are more than just special. You are everything I have.”

 

“What about Rufus?”

 

“That's not the same thing, you know it's not.” Cas paused. “Dean, listen to me, please, just this once. You are enough, you are more than enough. Sam and I, we're lucky to have you. No, we're blessed. You are the representation of everything good in humanity, everything I love. You saved my life, you don't even know this but you turned my boring existence into something worth living. I even look forward to the next day now, because I know you'll be there.”

 

Dean looked away. “That's bullshit.”

 

“No it's not.” Castiel's voice was confident, soft, not leaving room for protest. “You don't know Dean... You have no idea what you've brought me, how much you've changed me. I could thank you every single day until I die and it would never be enough. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, only... I don't know how.”

 

Dean's features finally  relaxed. His face reflecting nothing but compassion and affection. Cas' last words had sounded broken, as if there was something more. Something he couldn't tell, a treasure buried in the deepest of his soul, a secret that could never be told.

 

Dean leaned in to whisper gently in Castiel's ear. “You could try...”

 

Cas shook his head. He realized he had talked too much. Yet the simple thought that Dean could think he wasn't worthy infuriated him, he had lost control. He wished he could tell him how he felt for him, how much he meant. But there were no words to express that. No words strong enough at least. He wished he could show him, but he didn't know how.

 

“I just want you to understand that you are important, that you are good at many things. You are a good man, Dean. The best I have ever met.”

 

“Come on don't make such a drama out of it. You're overdoing it.”

 

“I am not!” Cas exclaimed, with so much conviction, Dean almost jumped. “Why can't you just see? You have raised your own brother. All his life you have not only been a brother to him, you were also a parent. Someone who watched out for him, someone who cared and made sure he was alright, that he didn't miss out on anything. You raised a child. You had responsibilities somebody your age shouldn't even have to comprehend. Tell me, how did Sam grow up? He grew up great. He makes you proud, everyday. He admires you, and there is a reason for that. Ask him, if my word isn't enough. If this is failing Dean, then I don't know what I have done all my life.”

 

The hunter watched him for a long moment, silent.

 

“I love you.” The angel murmured, staring right at him, making any escape impossible.

 

He had to know.

 

“Damnit, Cas...” Dean said after a moment.

 

Without another word, the hunter pushed him back on the bed, pinning him to the mattress. “You make me feel special.” He muttered, leaning down to kiss him roughly.

 

The angel let out a surprised gasp and tried to grip onto something, which happened to be Dean's shoulders. That's how Dean showed his love, he knew it. Even if he never said it.

 

Cas was allowed to touch now, so he let his hands wander on each curve of the hunter's body, longing, worshiping almost.

 

Dean was busy yanking open the buttons of Castiel's shirt, not caring when he ripped them out of the fabric. They had waited too long, they were hungry for each other, impatient.

 

As soon as the angel's skin was exposed, Dean hurried up to run his hands on it, he seemed to delight in the way Castiel shuddered under his touch. He wrapped his arms around him and lifted him up slightly, so he could grind down on him with more strength.

 

Cas moaned.

 

It was such a pure and delicious sound coming from him, Dean would have given anything to hear it again. So he did, as soon as he pressed his hips against his another time.

 

“How's that feel, baby?” The hunter asked, a smirk on his lips.

 

Cas looked up at him, his cheeks flushed in an adorable shade of pink, with his wide blue eyes taking in every detail of Dean's face.

 

“Good...” Cas whispered. “So good...”

 

Dean grinned. “You're gonna love what comes next even more.”

 

Cas was oblivious, but he had a slight idea of what would be coming next. He was nervous, but he wanted it. When Dean sucked another hickey in his neck, Cas' head lolled back, exposing his throat. His grip on the hunter's back tightened.

 

The tension was building, and soon the Winchester couldn't hold back. He pulled down Cas' pants quickly, smiling when he noticed his erection through his underwear. He brushed his fingertips over it and the angel's cock twitched, tearing a small squeak from him.

 

Cas was certain the wait was going to kill him. A few minutes ago, he had been yearning to lay a hand on any part of the hunter's body and now Dean was taking his time? No doubt, he wanted to kill him.

 

He could see, in the way Dean observed each of Cas' reactions, that he was teasing him, and enjoying it.

 

In a second, the hunter had tugged Cas' underwear down as well, leaving him totally exposed.

 

“Mm, not bad babe.” Dean commented, his eyes focused on his length.

 

Cas barely had the time to blush, his back arching when Dean slowly wrapped his fingers around his straining erection. Dean was touching him, really touching him. In the most intimate way.

 

He had the feeling it was only going to get better.

 

“Look...” Dean said, and he looked hesitant for the first time since they started. “I've never done it this way but... I know how it works. Do you trust me, Cas?”

 

Was that even a question? Of course he trusted him, more than anyone else.

 

So why was he hesitating to answer?

 

He was anxious, fazed because of the way his body was completely out of his control when Dean touched him. Castiel’s body responded only to Dean and that scared Castiel because his powers could slip out of control at any time.

 

Was that really the only reason? If he really trusted Dean, he would have told him about his condition. He would have mentioned the fact that he wasn't human, maybe. There was nothing he wanted more than to share this secret. This burden with someone. So why didn't he tell Dean? Probably because he was a hunter, as he had told him a few weeks ago. He was supposed to hunt down people like him, that kind of dissuaded him.

 

Nevertheless, he still trusted him with everything else, that's why he murmured, “Yes.”

 

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, Dean smirked wider and he pulled Cas' legs apart. The angel's breath caught in his throat.

 

When he felt the hunter's tongue on his cockhead, he groaned, his eyes squeezing shut at the sensation. Vaguely, Castiel watched Dean as he reached over to the nightstand, pulling a small bottle out of the drawer. Although the way his lips wrapped softly around his dick head distracted him from concentrating on it too much. Cas fisted the sheets, his mouth open, an obscene moan escaping his lips.

 

Dean's eyes were focused on him, he looked pleased, probably from the way the angel's body squirmed helplessly under his hands.

 

One of those hands came to join his mouth on Castiel's cock, slowly stroking the base of it, before gently caressing his balls and venturing even lower.

 

Cas tensed, and looked at Dean with wide, questioning eyes.

 

“It's okay baby... Trust me. It's going to hurt a little at first, but it's going to feel amazing, you'll see.” The hunter assured calmly once he pulled away from the angel's groin.

 

Cas relaxed, tossing his head back on the pillow when Dean licked his dick again. He didn't see the green eyed man open the bottle and coat his fingers, but when they came back to rub between his thighs, they were wet with something cold. He gently teased his entrance with one finger, only daring to push it inside experimentally after a moment, when he was sure that Castiel was completely relaxed.

 

The other boy was a whimpering mess, he barely even noticed the intrusion.

 

When Dean started to move his finger, however, Cas felt it and writhed even more. The sensation was weird, but not unpleasant. Dean crawled back on top of him and kissed him, his finger still inside him. “Are you okay?” He asked, only to make sure.

 

Cas wasn't capable of words right now, but he nodded frantically, so the hunter eased another finger in. The dark haired man's eyes flew open and he tensed slightly, but it quickly passed when Dean crooked his digits, brushing over a very sensitive point.

 

Cas all but cried out, almost ripping the sheets apart with his grip as his entire body arched, unconsciously pushing back on Dean's fingers while the whole world whited out. “I- oh, Dean!”

 

Not caring that Cas was slowly losing it, Dean continued to work inside him, thrusting his fingers in and out, scissoring him open carefully. He made sure to brush over that spot once in awhile to hear more of those noises Cas was apparently capable of making.

 

Eventually, he slipped a third finger in, stretching the angel open wider.

 

Cas was a mess, he knew it. His dick was red and throbbing. He couldn't talk, even if he had wanted to. He knew that the second he would open his mouth, the only sound that would come out of it would be another moan. His body was almost moving by itself, responding to the intense pleasure he was experiencing right now, in ways he didn't even know were possible.

 

Dean leaned down to kiss him again, tugging at his lower lip, and Cas whined in his mouth.

 

He could have been embarrassed, ashamed. But this was Dean. He didn't have to be. Dean wouldn't judge him, better, he wanted that too. It was obvious that he didn't want the angel to hold back. Regardless, Cas didn't have enough will to stay quiet. He already had his powers to tame, he couldn't tame his pleasure as well. Not when it felt so good.

 

Suddenly, Dean's fingers were gone, leaving behind a terrible sensation of emptiness. Cas groaned in protest at the loss but the hunter hushed him with another kiss.

 

“P-please... Dean, please...” Cas begged, not caring that he sounded desperate right now.

 

The older boy smirked. “What do you want Cas?” He whispered hotly.

 

“I want... I wanna feel you, please Dean. I need you inside me. I need you to fill me up, come back...” Cas stuttered with difficulty.

 

The hunter didn't need any more prompting. He sat up, gathering some of the liquid Castiel knew he had used to prepare him, and rubbed it over his dick, which was at least as red as the angel's.

 

Dean sighed happily at the feeling of his own hands on his neglected cock, but without wasting any more time, he spreaded Cas' legs wider, positioning himself between them.

 

“You ready baby?” Dean asked. “It's gonna hurt a bit.”

 

Cas was tugging at the hunter's arms, silently urging him to go faster. His head was spinning. He was blinded by all the emotions he felt, of course he was ready. He nodded quickly.

 

But then, maybe he hadn't been that ready after all. He hadn't expected it to burn as soon as the tip of Dean's cock slipped passed that tight ring of muscle, as Dean slowly eased himself inside.

 

“Shh, relax...” Dean soothed, coming to lay on him, wrapping his arms around him again, holding him close.

 

The angel buried his face in Dean's neck, breathing in his scent. In an attempt to forget the slight burning sensation and focus on the sharp pleasure under the surface in an effort to release the tension in his body. Effectively rendering him limp in Dean's wonderful embrace.

 

He waited for the pain to go away as Dean slowly pushed deeper, until he was completely buried in him.

 

After a moment, it stopped feeling uncomfortable, as he adjusted to the intrusion, and Cas only wanted one thing: for Dean to move. The angel bucked his hips as a cue, moaning instantly.

 

Dean grinned, he had understood. Slowly, carefully at first, he started to thrust gently in and out of Cas, making sure to keep the movements circular, shallow.

 

Soon, the angel's eyes closed again, a blissful expression on his face and he started to push back against Dean to take him deeper, wrapping his legs around his waist.

 

Taking the invitation, the hunter immediately started to slam into Castiel harder, faster. That owed him a long, broken moan.

 

Dean gasped and grunted as he quickened his movements again, squeezing Cas' body against his.

 

Overwhelmed by all the sensations, the angel clung to Dean, scratching his back without even noticing it. Strangely the hunter found himself even more aroused, establishing a regular pace of long, deep thrusts.

 

Just thinking about the fact that Dean was actually inside him right now, that they were united in the rawest and most private way, was almost enough to make Cas come right then and there.

 

“F-fuck Cas!” Dean moaned, and Cas was certain he wouldn't survive another sound like this one coming from him.

 

Then, once again, the world disappeared from Castiel's eyes, replaced by a true heaven of pure white. Dean had found the spot again.

 

Of course, that didn't come unnoticed to the hunter's discerning eyes, and he angled himself better so he could aim for Castiel's prostate at each stroke.

 

The angel was totally losing it now, coming undone in his hunter's protective embrace, moaning loudly every time Dean's dick hit his sweet spot with strength, leaving him shuddering and weak with exhilaration.

 

“D-Dean! I-... I'm gonna...”

 

The older man seemed to get the message, because he kept holding him with one arm while his other hand came between them to grab at Castiel's neglected cock. He jerked him off a few times, in rhythm with his thrusts, and the angel came hard on their stomach, with a shaky cry and Dean's name on his lips.

 

Seeing him like that, Dean lost momentum, his movements becoming messy, erratic. “Fuck...” He cursed, squeezing Cas tighter against him.

 

He tried to ride him out of his orgasm, and doing so, he came inside him, with a low groan.

 

When he felt Dean's hot come splash inside of him, effectively filling him up, Cas moaned again, slowly coming down from his high.

 

The hunter, exhausted and panting, collapsed on Castiel who gently kissed his neck, rubbing his back with his hands to calm him down.

 

Dean turned his head, and nuzzled his nose against Cas' cheek as he tried to catch his breath. Then, he propped himself up on his elbow and kissed him on the lips softly.

 

“Cas?” He whispered.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Cas could have sworn his heart started to beat so fast he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. He found himself unable to say anything, but Dean looked like he understood at Castiel's incredibly wide smile.

 

 

* * *

 

They needed almost an hour, to get ready before Sam got back from Jessica's, and to gather the clothes scattered all over the room. They had also taken a shower -which Cas insisted they took together, and obviously, it had been as distracting as amazing and had added more delay to their already busy schedule. Not mentioning the fact that Cas couldn't button up his shirt anymore. No, it wasn't Dean's fault at all. So Cas had to borrow one from him.

 

“Creep.” Dean teased him with a fond smile when he caught Cas smelling one of the sleeves.

 

“What? It smells like you.” Cas informed.

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, that's exactly my point.”

 

Sam was only supposed to get back in half an hour, so they still had some time. The hunter took advantage of it by kissing Cas for the umpteenth time of the day. God, he loved that kid.

 

But that's exactly the moment the front door chose to open violently.

 

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, visibly panicked, rushing inside.

 

“Sammy? What's wrong?” The eldest Winchester immediately worried, stepping closer to his little brother, who wasn't so little anymore, much to Dean's frustration.

 

“Didn't you hear?!”

 

“Hear what?” Dean asked, annoyed. “Come on, spit it out!”

 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Cas walk out of the bedroom to join them. Sam was still near the door, he hadn't moved, his eyes full of fear.

 

“Dean...” He started. “Caelum declared war to Nanta.”

 

Cas froze on the spot, livid. His knees grew weak when Sam added: “They're accusing us of hiding angels from the demonic war. They're looking for refugees.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any remark or question, that you want any information, don't hesitate and ask me! I will answer everything (unless of course it's a spoiler haha)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life has become hard for Castiel since it was announced that refugees have to be exterminated.  
> Dean, unaware of his condition, doesn't know what to do to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six is up! Once more, I want to thank nevermoreheaven for beta-ing me, you're the absolute best! I also want to thank you all for the lovely comments you're leaving, it goes straight to my heart!
> 
> Enjoy!

Life became harder and much less joyful from then on. Everyone became suspicious. The summer feasts were replaced by hunting parties. The kingdom of Nanta wanted to avoid a useless war. The only way to do that was to kill every single angel that had crossed onto their borders in order to seek asylum.

 

Castiel lived in fear, for once, that fear was rational.

 

He heard stories, rumors coming from capital city, where they had found at least a dozen angel. They said some had been killed by fire, to make sure they wouldn't come back and haunt them. Others had been hanged, set as examples. Some had disappeared, the reason of their death kept secret. Everybody knew that they had been tortured for information.

 

Every time he heard something like that, Cas wanted to throw up.

 

He realized that humans did not know much about his species, yet they feared them. And the perspective of a war was inimaginable. None of them cared if innocent people were killed only to avoid a conflict. Because, according to humans, angels weren't innocent at all.

 

They had heard stories too. Tales that were told to children to keep them awake at night. To ensure that if anyone saw an angel, they wouldn't hesitate a second before handing them over to the authorities. They were convinced refugees were stone cold murderers, killing without compassion or consideration.

 

They have no feelings.

 

They are not humans.

 

They have to die.

 

They don't deserve to stay here.

 

In order to save the country, sacrifices had to be made. But it didn't matter anyway, because angels were only here to destroy them, they were nightmares in disguise.

 

Right?

 

That's what everyone was saying.

 

They have faces, they look like us. Their eyes can be different.

 

They have stolen human bodies to be unseen.

 

Stay on guard.

 

Suspect everyone.

 

Your closest friend could be a refugee.

 

Humans were fascinating and horrifying at the same time. They could be worse than monsters.

 

That's what Castiel was thinking.

 

When something was threatening them, they didn't care if what they were doing was wrong. They’d kill thousands of people in order to “save” their territory, their lands, what was theirs. Suddenly, they were blind and stupid. Either that or they chose to not look.

 

Castiel couldn't decide which option was worse.

 

Some angels had fought. A natural response to any kind of attack.  When someone comes to you, informing you that you have to die before hundreds of people. All there to cheer when your body swings on the other end of that rope. You tend to fight back.

 

The rumors worsened.

 

They're dangerous.

 

They know how to fight, only, differently.

 

If you see one, please, contact the closest hunter you know.

 

The closest hunter Castiel knew was Dean Winchester.

 

Dean didn't have any suspicion about him, of course. Sometimes, the things that are the hardest to see are the ones that are in front of you. That didn't prevent Castiel from being terrified every day, not necessarily of Dean, but of people in general.

 

He too, had learned to suspect everyone.

 

The man, on the bench here, had looked at him for more than a second. Maybe he had seen his eyes. Maybe he was wondering if he was human.

 

Maybe the young woman with her bouquet of flowers had already decided to contact a hunter when she got home so they would come to check if Cas was an angel or not.

 

Maybe he was going to die in an hour.

 

Maybe tonight.

 

Maybe tomorrow.

 

The question wasn't how long he had to keep hiding before they stopped looking for refugees, but how long he had left before someone found out.

 

He would not do anything about it. There was no point in fighting. He would just die in much more pain than if he let it slide.

 

Castiel had gotten used to the idea that he was going to die.

 

But that didn't stop him from being saddened by the thought.

 

How long did he have?

 

How many more nights beside Dean before the hunter found his body hanging on the public square?

 

How many kisses?

 

How many 'I love you's?

 

Castiel only wanted to curl into a ball and cry, drown himself in his tears. At least, that would hurt less than being burned alive.

 

They had not yet found any angel in Faynel, but everyone was actively looking. Maybe there were no other angel. Maybe nobody was stupid enough to stay so close to the border after escaping the war.

 

Apparently Castiel was.

 

Although, every village with more than a thousand inhabitants had at least three active hunters, it was the law, Faynel had more than five. For zero angel so far. They were looking for them, and now that he thought about it, Cas had no idea how they found them if it wasn't for the eyes.

 

Castiel's eyes were blue, a little too blue to be human, but he could easily be mistaken for one.

 

Then, how did they know? They could die, just like every human, there were countless ways to kill angels. How could they know they didn't kill other humans?

 

Castiel found the answers to his questions in a way he would never forget.

 

As he was walking downtown, he noticed a gathering, people pushing each other to see something at the center of the square.

 

Curious, he got closer too. He made his way through the crowd, and soon, he saw it. There was a scaffold, right there, dark, menacing, as if it was looking down at all the people gathered in front of it.

 

And there was someone too.

 

Someone who was dragged to the rope hanging from a beam. It was a young woman, with dark, short hair. She looked like she was about to faint.

 

Her eyes kept flying to one place to the other, as if she was expecting someone to interfere and save her. She wouldn't get anything from anyone. She knew it.

 

Angels were to scared to be discovered.

 

Humans were too busy ignoring the fear on her face.

 

After all, she was emotionless.

 

Cas' heart tightened in his chest for her. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties. She clearly was too young to die. Not for that.

 

So maybe he wasn't the only angel here.

 

Another person walked to the scaffold, he was wearing a long, black coat, and a hood was covering his face.

 

Castiel had guessed, but the whispers traveling through the crowd confirmed it. The man was a hunter.

 

He stopped in front of the woman, who dared to face him, she stood straight, her gaze firm. The blue eyed boy immediately felt a surge of admiration for her.

 

The hunter turned to face the people before him.

 

“Listen to me, everyone.” He said, his voice strong and steady. “This person, right here, is not human. See how she looks exactly like us?”

 

Concerned murmurs rose from the pit.

 

“Well, now watch closely.” The man continued.

 

He pulled a blade from his sleeve. It was long, silver, and it caught the sun's light. Castiel held his breath. He recognized this weapon. It had been created by angels, for angels. It was one of the only things in the world able to show their grace.

 

The man grabbed the woman's arm and made a long cut on it, from her shoulder to her elbow.

 

Cas saw her grit her teeth, but she couldn't contain the yell of pain for long. The wound almost instantly started to glow of that white, pure light angels were so familiar with. Her grace was flying away from her wound, slowly. Sure, the injury wasn't deep enough for her to lose it completely, but it had to hurt even more than an ordinay wound.

 

An angel blade wasn't made to make someone bleed.

 

It was made to make an angel fall from grace, literally.

 

As Castiel understood, it was now used to recognize humans from angels. It was monstruous.

 

“Don't let them fool you.” The hunter said, his voice clear so everyone could hear, all the while sending shivers in Castiel's body, freezing him to the bone. “She's not feeling anything. They don't have feelings. They are heartless. They could kill you, your wife and your kids in the blink of an eye.”

 

The crowd shifted uncomfortably, holding its breath.

 

“They will try to make you pity them, and the second you'll look away, they'll stab you in the back.”

 

That's not true!

 

Castiel was boiling with rage. Yeah, go on, explain that. How comes I'm so angry at you if I don't feel anything? He thought.

 

“If you have doubts about anyone, come and see me. I'll show you. There are many ways to reveal them. And soon, they'll step out of the shadow. They'll beg for us to take their lives quickly before someone else finds them. Before they come to regret they lived until now, to see each of their own skinned alive.” He said darkly.

 

Cas took a step back. This man was dangerous. He was the one who should be hunted down, not the other way around. The young angel's heart was pounding, he wanted nothing more than to leave this place right here, right now, but he knew someone would notice.

 

He had to stay until the end.

 

“Let me show you another way.” The hunter declared.

 

He grabbed his blade tighter and shoved it in the woman's back, right between her shoulderblades. The scream that escaped her lips was so painful to hear, Cas wanted to cover his ears, run away, find Dean and shelter with him. But then again, if Dean found out, would he want to kill him himself?

 

That's when huge, white wings unfolded on the woman's back. Everyone gasped and stepped back, almost crushing Cas with the movement.

 

“Don't worry. We're controlling her.” The hunter assured them. “Their wings are strong, but extremely sensitive. They're easy to tame if you...”

 

He reached out for the woman's wings.

 

“Just know where...”

 

He took a handful of feathers.

 

“To apply the right pressure.” He finished, pulling at the feathers, tearing them out.

 

The woman cried out and almost fell to her knees, but the man held her steady.

 

Castiel's eyes were filled with tears. He wanted to look away. He knew how sensitive wings were. The simple thought that someone could touch them in the simple purpose of causing pain was unbearable. It was so easy to hurt here. It was so easy to please as well. Of course, weaknesses were always used to the strongest's advantage.

 

He wanted to do something, tell the hunter to stop, beg him if needed, but he knew he would only put himself in trouble. So he closed his eyes, so tight he thought he would never be able to open them again. Maybe it was for the best. That way he wouldn't have to witness all the horrors of the world.

 

Like that, maybe he would stop imagining Gabriel, Anna or himself on the scaffold instead of that woman.

 

At least, he didn't see when they decided to end her by hanging her. But he heard.

 

He heard her plead them to let her live. Heard as she choked on the rope which creaked under her weight. He knew that those sounds, those words would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

Maybe the hunter was right. Maybe Cas was going to crawl in front of him one day and beg him to kill him so he wouldn't have to live through these massacres.

 

 

* * *

 

Dean was worried. Not only for Sam or himself, but for Cas too. He knew how much his brother and his friend hated the simple concept of conflict. He had also noticed that Cas was acting differently lately. He looked scared, distant. That saddened Dean a lot. He wanted nothing more but to reassure his lover, tell him he didn't have to worry about all this. That it would be over soon. One day, angels would be totally eradicated from Nanta. That they would all get out of this safe and sound.

 

He had heard a hunter of Faynel had caught an angel in the village. Dean would never admit it, but that scared him.

 

When he had received his training, his teachers had reminded him, everyday, how dangerous angels, demons and leviathans could be. Hunters were trained to face situations like this, but it always stayed theoretical. Every hunter hoped that they would never have to use that training for real.

 

Now, they might have to if things didn't get better.

 

He had been repeated over and over again that angels could snap your neck without an ounce of compassion or regret. As if killing someone was the easiest and most common thing in the world. That was what scared him. He couldn't bear the thought that Sam or Cas could encounter an angel in the street, something so evil and heartless that it would kill them on spot without second thoughts. Just so it could ensure that it wouldn't be discovered. Something that would dare to lay a hand on his little brother, so kind he wouldn't even try to fight back. That would dare to lay a hand on his lover, so innocent he wouldn't even think about resisting. Those thoughts were what kept him awake at night.

 

Dean had never taken war seriously, to him it was nothing more than a stupid contest between countries to determine which one was the most powerful. Now, he had something to lose. He fully understood what consequences war could have. How no battle could be won without loss. He was definitely not ready to lose anything or anyone.

 

He sighed, looking at the bakery for the hundredth time of the day. It was empty. Rufus was gone to get some supplies and sell his merchandise in close villages around, and Cas had simply... Disappeared. Dean wasn't exactly sure what he was waiting for here, it had been hours, it was clear the blue eyed boy wouldn't show up now.

 

It was his only chance. He had looked for Cas all day without success. He started to worry. With everything happening... Was it possible an angel found him? Was it possible something had happened to him? That Gordon had decided to take revenge?

 

That one of those winged bastards had killed him and hidden his body so well it would never be found?

 

Dean shuddered at the thought and started pacing. He couldn't stay put. He had to do something. Where the hell was he?

 

Cas had seemed so devastated yesterday, even more than he had been the day before. Believe it or not, that was saying a lot. Dean was so confused, and had absolutely no idea what was happening to him, or why he felt so bad. Because he felt horrible, Dean wasn't blind, he could see it. Cas kept looking behind him as if he was afraid someone would follow him. He had put some distance with the hunter. He talked so low, with a voice so small, as if he feared to be heard. Like he needed to choose his words very carefully so they wouldn't bring him trouble. Every word he was saying lately sounded like it could be his last. The smallest whisper could break him to pieces.

 

With Dean, he was far less comfortable. He didn't talk to him as much as he used to, he looked scared every time. Dean didn't know what to do. All he wanted was for Cas to feel safe with him. Yet that didn't seem to be the case anymore.

 

He understood his worry, he was anxious too but he didn't understand why Cas withdrew. Dean was so scared he would slowly and inevitably slip away from his grip. He was not so sure he could survive that. Cas was the most important person in his life, along with Sam.

 

"Fuck this..." Dean cursed between his teeth.

 

He was going to do something, figure it out. He was not going to let Cas down, not when Cas had never hesitated to put Dean's happiness before his own.

 

The hunter left the bakery, heading towards the public square.

 

He looked for Cas for several hours. Multiple times he thought about giving up. If he wasn't here, maybe it was because he didn't want to be found. But even then, he would never give up on Cas.

 

It was around 10pm when he found him. It was summer, the night fell late but it was already dark, especially in the woods. He had tried here more in despair than anything else, but surprisingly, it had worked. It didn't seem so stupid when he thought about it, he knew Cas, and he should have thought about this sooner.

 

The man he loved had been lonely most of his life, he had gotten used to deal with his issues on his own. He never wanted to bother people with his problems. Probably because he was too kind for this world. He didn't want to be a burden, didn't want to annoy the people he thought he owed.

 

Dean wasn't going to leave him alone this time. It was about time he understood he wasn't alone anymore.

 

Although, when he found him, he felt his heart twist. He could see why Cas wanted to be alone when he was like that.

 

The dark haired boy was curled up on himself, crying softly, his face hidden in the crook of his arms. He probably hadn't even heard Dean arrive. He looked so vulnerable like that. He looked so small, and so weak. It broke the hunter's heart. Cas had tried to hide it with loosen shirts and large pants but he had lost weight. His skinny arms, cautiously wrapped around his legs were shaking at each of his sobs. Dean couldn't stand the sight and cursed himself for not noticing sooner how bad Cas really felt.

 

"Cas?" Dean called softly, taking a careful step toward him.

 

The younger teen's head jerked up, looking at Dean with wide, incredulous eyes which he hastened to wipe panickally.

 

"Hey..." The hunter whispered soothingly, coming to sit right beside Cas.

 

He didn't touch him, didn't lean on him and didn't took him in his arms. He didn't know if that's what he wanted. He didn't know how he would react.

 

"Why are you here? How did you find me?" Cas asked, almost aggressively, not looking at Dean.

 

That surprised him, after all he just wanted to help.

 

"Were you following me?" Cas added before Dean could say anything.

 

"I've been looking for you all day. I was worried." Dean said, keeping his voice soft although he thought Cas' reaction was unfair.

 

The other boy's face fell. "I-I'm sorry..." He sobbed lightly.

 

"Cas it's okay... Tell me, what's wrong? I can see you've been sad lately." Dean said, softening.

 

Cas shook his head, closing his eyes.

 

"Come on babe, you know you can tell me everything." Dean insisted.

 

"I'm just... I'm so tired of all this..." Cas whispered.

 

The hunter wondered what he was talking about, how things had gotten so unbearable to him that he had to take shelter in the forest, alone.

 

"Tired of what?"

 

Cas sighed. He looked wrecked, exhausted, resigned. That worried Dean even more.

 

"Everything..."

 

"Like what?"

 

"The war, all that..."

 

Dean had the feeling he was evading his true feelings on purpose. That there was something else behind everything he had done... Just like he had thought a few weeks ago, maybe Cas wasn't telling him everything.

 

"I hate seeing you like that." Dean admitted.

 

"I am so sorry Dean... I did not mean to worry you."

 

Dean shook his head, he didn't mean to make Cas feel guilty. But he was worried, he couldn't deny it.

 

"Cas, I just want to help you." Dean said.

 

"But you can't help!" Cas exclaimed and Dean flinched.

 

Cas' blue eyes darkened with regret immediately before he looked away.

 

"There is... There is nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do. It is like it has always been. I am alone." Cas whispered, withdrawing again.

 

"We'll that's gotta be the biggest bullshit I've ever heard." Dean stated, grabbing Cas' attention again.

 

"I promised I'd be here for you. I am here right now,” Dean paused  “but maybe I don't matter?" He added.

 

"No Dean... You know it's not true. You are right, I am not being fair to you. I am so sorry... That's what I always do anyway, I make people suffer. People get killed because of me. It's all-..." Cas trailed off, cut by a broken sob and he squeezed his arms around his legs, as if he could melt them in his body, become a ball. Maybe turn into an invisible, insignificant element in the woods.

 

Dean frowned, laying an hesitant hand on Cas' shoulder. "What are you talking about? How can people get killed because of you?"

 

Cas paused, staying completely still for a moment, so still Dean thought he was never going to move again. His eyes reflected nothing but fear and distress. He regretted his words, as if he had said too much.

 

"It's..." He started, and paused again. Once more, Dean had the feeling he was choosing his words, so each of them mattered, shaping and forming them so they would be impregnated with sincerity. Maybe he was going to lie, but Cas had always been bad at this. However, he was very good at telling only the things that were safe. Dean thought he might have been doing just that in this very moment.

 

"Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the day my family died." Cas admitted finally, carefully changing the subject and avoiding Dean's question. "I can't stop seeing it, over and over in my head."

 

He took his head in his hands, illustrating his words.

 

"I can't Dean... It hurts so much and all this, the war and everything... I'm so scared... I'm so-" He bit his lip and started crying again.

 

Dean had thought he was lying but clearly, he was terrified. He didn't know why, but that much was true, he knew it.

 

"You have nothing to be afraid of, baby. I'll keep you safe." Dean assured softly.

 

"What if you can't? Dean... I've lost everyone. My family, it's gone. I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to you. And... And I'm also scared it's going to happen to me too."

 

"I won't let anything happen to you Cas." Dean said firmly. "I'd rather die."

 

"Don't... Don't say things like that." Cas begged and this time Dean couldn't help but take him in his arms. Cas bursted in tears again.

 

Gripping his shirt like he was afraid to let it go, Cas sobbed softly against his chest as Dean held him close to his heart and soon he could feel that his shirt was soaked in tears. Seeing Cas like that was horrible for him and he prayed that he would never have to bear such a sight again.

 

For an awfully long moment, Dean just rocked Cas gently from side to side, soothing him, telling him that everything would be alright. Eventually, the smaller boy stopped crying and calmed down. Although he never let go of Dean, and the hunter never loosened his grip on him, not even once.

 

"I saw the execution." Cas breathed out after a while, breaking the silence and surprising Dean.

 

So that was one of the reasons why he was so upset. That made sense, Castiel hated violence after all.

 

"Why? You knew how it would be." Dean whispered softly.

 

"I didn't know. I was there and they just..."

 

"It's okay Cas, they don't feel anything anyway. They can't be hurt."

 

"I don't care." Cas protested, maybe a little harshly. "She looked hurt."

 

"It's only pretend."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"I've been taught, you haven't. Trust me."

 

Cas seemed about to add something but thought better of it and remained silent.

 

"Why do they have to make such a big deal out of it anyway?" Cas asked. "They don't have to do it publicly, that's cruel."

 

Dean agreed, or at least, he could have agreed if he hadn’t known what angels were capable of. If he hadn’t been told they couldn't feel. He thought it was almost stupid of Castiel to feel any sympathy for those creatures, but he knew he probably couldn't help it. Being an empathetic  human being was written in his heart, he was kind, and caring. It was one of the reasons why Dean loved him so much. Besides, Cas hadn't received the same training he had, he couldn't imagine how mean angels could really be.

 

"They're scared Cas, we all are. They're trying to scare angels even more, that's how they reassure themselves." Dean said.

 

The blue eyed boy looked down, visibly thinking, processing Dean's words.

 

"But... If angels can't feel, how can they be scared?" Cas asked, pointing out how imperfect their plans were.

 

"Yeah... Well, at least it makes people feel better, safer, to know that angels can easily be tamed."

 

"How can they feel safe when they're being repeated every day how dangerous angels can be?" Cas exclaimed. "From what they say, you- we have lived with angels for years, since the Demonic War, nobody has died because of them! What if they don't mean any harm?"

 

"Stop it." Dean said.

 

"Why are you so convinced they're bad?"

 

"I said stop it!" Dean all but yelled.

 

Cas jumped and tried to pull away from Dean's arms, but the hunter held him here, firmly. Soon, the other boy stopped struggling, resigned to listen to whatever it was Dean had to tell him.

 

"Can't you just see? You can't think like that! Cas you're gonna get yourself killed! Stop that."

 

"Why?" Cas whispered weakly.

 

"You can't feel sorry for them. You can't feel anything for them. They're just gonna use it against you. Baby, they're horrible, and they won't hesitate, you know that. The only reason why they haven't hurt anyone in the past few years, is because they were hiding. Killing ain't exactly considered discreet."

 

"Why do you always have arguments?"

 

"Because I'm a hunter that's why."

 

Cas tensed, as if he had suddenly remembered that, as if it bothered him.

 

"Hey, you gotta promise me something, please." Dean asked gently.

 

Cas nodded.

 

"Tell me you won't ever try to get close to an angel. Promise me that you won't ever try to help one. Swear to me that you're gonna stop feeling that way, please, please tell me you won't put yourself in danger uselessly."

 

Cas gulped and nodded again, forcing a smile. "I promise."

 

Dean sighed in relief and hugged him closer, and this time Cas hugged back. "Thank you."

 

* * *

 

Dean had managed to convince Cas to have dinner with him and Sam. John was out, again. He was often called in other towns lately, not for his talents of blacksmith anymore, but for his hunting skills. The angel was glad. The farthest he was from the older Winchester, the better he was. It would be such a pity, he thought, if the first time he met his lover's father was the moment he'd bring him to the gallows.

 

Cas thought the dinner was a bad idea anyway. He felt terrible. He knew Dean only wanted to comfort him. He knew how worried he had been when he had seen him in such a state in the forest, but nobody was supposed to know Cas enough so that they'd know where to look if he disappeared. Apparently Dean did. Moreover, the hunter wasn't helping him, at all.

 

He meant well, and for that Castiel didn't blame him but he was wrong.

 

Angels weren't endangering him.

 

Dean and his kind were.

 

There was a slight problem, though. Cas was so head over heels for him, he was ready to continue to live in those conditions just so he could be with him. Without Dean, Cas would be lost. Without Dean, there was no purpose at all.

 

He tried not to think about it, but lately, he couldn't stop: he was tired of lying. Now was without a doubt the worst moment to tell Dean the truth. But he couldn't handle this anymore.

 

His secret weighed on his shoulders, becoming heavier each day, pinning him to the ground and crashing him slowly. He was suffocating, drowning, and there was no saving hand to grab. Dean was trying his best, he really was. And Castiel's depressed behavior was starting to have repercutions on him.

 

The angel blamed himself for that.

 

Dean couldn't help, although he tried, because he didn't know what the problem was.

 

Anyway, Castiel still had to survive the dinner. Which would probably consist of a few other lies, pretends and tales of deception.

 

It wasn't who he was. This had to stop.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Cas' turn to make a decision, and whatever he chooses, it's going to change his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys, a very angsty chapter :')  
> I'm sorry, but I promise I'll make it up to you!
> 
> I want to thank my amaaazing beta reader, Nevermoreheaven, who is doing such a great job and helping me more than I can even tell. I want you thank you all for your lovely comments, honestly, they keep me going.
> 
> There are a few things you need to know. It was a very busy week and I almost didn't finish the chapter in time. My beta had to correct it in two days (I'm telling you, she's awesome). The thing is, you have this chapter today but it's likely that you won't have chapter 8 next wednesday... I'm sorry, but it will probably be a few days late. Anyway, don't worry, you'll have it soon!
> 
> That's it, enjoy!

As he sat at the table, Castiel forced himself to smile while Sam placed a big, roasted chicken in front of them.

“You're the guest tonight Cas,” Sam started. “Let us take care of everything. We know what it feels like to be alone at home. I heard Rufus was going to be gone for a while, and so is our dad. I'm glad we can spend the evenings together.”

“So am I.” Cas said.

He didn't like letting his hosts do everything for him, but seeing how insistant Sam and Dean were, he did not seem to have much choice. Once the table was set, the eldest Winchester walked behind Cas and leaned over him to kiss his temple, patting his shoulder in affection. The angel looked up and smiled at him, for a moment their eyes met and time seemed to freeze.

Castiel wondered how he could possibly tell Dean the truth and break the spark of trust that shined in his eyes. How could he live if the love Dean looked at him with was replaced by hatred?

Castiel definitely did not deem himself strong enough for that.

Outside, rain was hammering against the delicate window panes. Faynel was struck by one of the worst storms of the season. As summer came, Nanta often faced bad weather. The climate being much more viotile during this time of the year. The wind was sometimes strong enough to demolish stables, to dislodge tiles on the rooftops, or to make houses entirely crumble.

The warmer it got during the day, the stronger the storm was.

It had been really hot for five days and it hadn't even rained once. So the oncoming storm promised to be a big one. Which was the reason why the Winchesters and their guest for the night had gone through all the necessary preparations for the following hours. They had closed every door, window, shutter. They had covered and protected everything that was easily breakable and they had taken shelter for the night.

Cas had to admit he was secretly nervous each time a storm came into town. This kind of weather never occurred in Caelum. He wasn't used to it whereas Dean and Sam had known weather like this all their life.

Now, of course this kind of fear seemed all but rational considering how endangered he really was with the war.

It didn't prevent him from jumping as soon as thunder growled loudly and Dean, smiling tenderly at the sight wrapped his arms around his middle from behind and held him close, whispering in his ear:

"It's okay Cas, you have nothing to fear here. I'll protect you."

Castiel really, really wanted to believe him. He was taken by an urge to cry uncontrollably at his words. He would have given anything for Dean to say the same thing about the hunters after him and his kin.

But Cas did not know if Dean would even want to keep him safe if he knew.

Anyway, the intention was lovely and Cas smiled up at Dean.

"Come on, I'm starving." The hunter informed him, getting up and sitting in front of Cas.

As they ate, Sam started the conversation, "Did you hear about the execution today?"

Cas froze and Dean glared at his brother, "Yes we did, do we have to talk about it?"

"Yes we have to." Sam asserted, and Cas would sincerely rather not. "It's horrible. I don't care what you say, if angels are or aren't dangerous, it's inhuman."

Cas wasn't surprised, to say. Sam had always been compassionate towards other people. But strangely, knowing that Sam felt the same way he did didn't make him want to talk about it any more. He knew Dean.

"Sam stop it." The eldest Winchester warned.

"Why? I know that you've been taught all kinds of things, but that doesn't mean it's true!" Sam insisted.

"It doesn't mean it's not." Dean growled as Cas' face paled. He had tried so hard to avoid the subject since their last conversation in the forest.

"Anyway I don't care, we're humans not savages! We don't even treat animals that bad, why would angels deserve that?"

"Can it, Sam!" Dean exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table, making both Sam and Cas jump, "You didn't see what I saw! The things they showed me..." Dean shuddered lightly, but Cas didn't think anyone else other than him noticed. He couldn't help but wonder what Dean had seen when he had received his training. He knew it was probably mostly lies but it could still be shocking. "You have no idea... What they're able to do. You don't even know what you're talking about so shut up!"

Sam looked down, unused to his brother talking to him like that. They could all hear the hint of fear in Dean's voice, which did nothing to reassure them. Dean wasn't supposed to be scared of anything.

To add to the dramatic atmosphere, the room was illuminated by lightning and the air heaved by thunder. Cas curled up a little more into himself.

"But Dean..." Sam said again, as Dean rolled his eyes. "They say they hid for years since the demonic war... How come we haven't discovered any before?"

"I don't know okay? Probably because they were hiding."

"How?

"They look like us. But they act different."

"Different how?"

"Emotionless. They just want to kill. They're horrible creatures."

Cas' blood grew cold and nobody seemed to notice that he'd been quiet since the beginning.

"How do you know? Have you met one?" Sam asked.

"They'd be dead if I had."

Cas' guts felt like they flipped in his stomach.

"Then how do you know?" Sam repeated.

"I just do. Stop asking stupid questions."

"One last question. How would you react if you learned that someone you know is an angel? Someone you were sure to be able to trust."

This time, Cas really felt like he was going to be sick. How could words be so hard to hear?

Dean hesitated too, taken aback by the question. "I- uh... I would know if I knew any angel."

"What if I was one?" Sam asked. "How would you know?"

Dean chuckled humourlessly. "Of course you ain't one. I've known you all my life. If you were one, I would be too."

"Alright, I guess it works for dad too. But what about Cas?"

Cas wished he could just disappear, that he could vanish right here, right now. His fork, in his hand, stopped midway to his mouth.

Dean froze. "What?"

"What if Cas was an angel, how would you react?"

"I wouldn't have to react crap, he isn't one. Trust me, if he were, I'd know." Dean asserted.

Oh, would you?

"Once again, how would you know? How do you know he isn't one? How do you know everyone isn't one?" Sam asked.

"I know him, I trust him. I see the way he looks at things, the way he cares, the way he feels, the way he loves." Dean enumerated and that looked like it satisfied Sam.

It didn't satisfy Cas, because he was so wrong. Those things didn't make him human, he wasn't one. They made him Castiel. They were a part of him but they didn't prove anything.

"Sorry Cas, it wasn't anything against you, it was just an example." Sam apologized, finally turning to him.

Dean did the same and frowned. "Cas?"

"Are you okay?" Sam worried. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to offend you."

Cas wouldn't have wanted to be Sam at the blaming look Dean gave him.

The angel shook his head. "N-no, it's not you. It's okay. I just..." He pressed a hand against his stomach, feeling really sick now. "I don't feel well… please, escuse me." He said as he hurriedly got up and rushed to the bathroom.

He retched and threw up twice before getting up and leaning against the wall, not even able to support himself. That's when the first tears gathered in his eyes and he slid along the wall, crying silently.

He must have stayed a few long minutes like that, trying to calm down when horrible thoughts crossed his mind because someone knocked at the door gently. Cas ignored it, lost in his thoughts. He could not keep doing this. He wouldn't be able to hide the truth much longer. Not because he was going to be discovered, but because he couldn't handle that anymore. Lying to Dean was the most hurtful thing he had ever done.

"Cas? Baby, are you okay?" Dean asked worringly through the door.

Cas could hear in his voice all the affection, and all the concern he felt toward him.

He couldn't keep doing that to him. He had no right. He wanted nothing more than to reach out for him, to accept the help and love he was ready to offer him. But that was selfish.

He hastened to wipe his tears away and took a deep, shaky breath to answer, "I am fine, Dean."

"Can I come in?"

Cas gulped, he hadn't expected that. He got up, flushed the toilet and tried to act like he was better than he felt. He unlocked the door and Dean opened it, looking Cas up and down. He sighed and stepped closer, running a gentle hand through the angel's hair. "I'm worried about you." Dean admitted.

Cas could tell, Dean looked almost as tired as he did himself. He felt guilty for making him so anxious.

"I'm fine..." Cas assured, although his voice was small.

Dean wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, holding him securely and kissing his head. Cas had to force himself not to give in to Dean's reassuring and protective embrace. He had to bite his lip not to cry.

They stayed like that for a while. Cas closed his eyes because he never wanted to let go. He didn't feel like he could. Dean seemed to understand that.

"Are you tired?" He asked softly and Cas nodded.

He was exhausted, completely worn out.

"Do you wanna go to bed?"

Cas nodded again and slowly, Dean let go of him but took his hand, squeezing it once and pulling him towards a room Cas had never been in.

"It's my dad's bedroom." Dean informed, visibly a bit flustered. "I thought, uh, I mean, he isn't here and I figured we would annoy Sam if we slept in my bed tonight. And I thought it would be great to have a big bed for once, right?"

Cas smiled, taking his hand in both of his. "It's perfect, don't worry."

Dean undressed and grinned. "Great. Because now I need you to slip under the covers."

Cas obeyed, undressing as well and getting on the bed, wondering what Dean was planning. But he understood soon enough.

He felt two strong arms slide around his waist and bring him close. Then his back was pressed against Dean's bare chest. The warmth and protection it provided him made him feel good, for the first time in a very long time. Although, if it had always been enough to keep the nightmares at bay, tonight it unfortunately wasn't.

****  
  


* * *

Cas was walking down the main street. It was a path he had taken a thousand times before, it did not look any different than it did all the previous times. Yet, it felt different. Deep inside, Cas knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

People turned around as he walked, every step added a new face to the list. Soon, he couldn't hear anything but overwhelming whispers.

Angel.

He kept his gaze down, he did not raise his head. He wasn't brave like the young woman who had died at the gallow. This woman whose face he kept seeing. She was accusing him of letting her die, of cowardice for not doing anything to help.

He was an outcast among angels. He was a prey amongst the humans.

He had never felt like such a foreigner. He did not belong anywhere.

The circle of people around him tightened and fear took over his senses.

He was a coward. But he did not want to die. So he ran.

He ran as fast as he could, trying not to look back.

People were following him, he could hear them. They had guns, they shot several times. Luckily (or unluckily) none of the bullets reached him.

Cas kept running. His lungs were on fire, he had the feeling his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Tears were streaming down his face and he couldn't stop them.

Behind him, the crowd was reminding him of every mistake he had ever made, people were shouting that he deserved to die. That he was making everyone he cared about suffer just because he was alive.

For a moment, he almost listened to them.

But as bad as he felt, he couldn't bring himself to just give up.

He took his wings out and vainly tried to flap them, but they felt heavy, they felt useless. He didn't know how to fly. He never had learned.

So once again, he fell.

He was scared to get up, to turn around. He knew what they were going to do to him.

However, the crowd had stopped. It was silent all around.

"Cas."

The young angel almost choked on his own tears hearing such a familiar voice call him with so much neutrality.

There wasn't an ounce of care or pity in the voice. Frankly, Cas would have rathered hear deception or hatred rather than nothing at all. Nothing meant that Cas did not even deserve to be considered as more than some sort of creature.

"D-Dean..." Cas stuttered anyway, looking up at the man.

Dean's face was blank. He was expressionless as he kneeled in front of Cas.

"Please..." The angel begged again, looking into the hunter's eyes.

If Dean didn't give him mercy, he did not deserve it from anyone. But surely, he couldn't forget everything they had been through together. He would give him mercy.

"Help me..." Cas asked weakly.

Dean smiled.

But the smile was wicked. He pulled something out of his pocket.

"You didn't even tell me you bastard." Dean said coldly. "And I trusted you... I'm so stupid."

"N-no you're not. Dean you're not-" Cas started.

"Shut up! Don't even talk to me. I hate you." Dean cut him off, and Cas saw his entire world collapse.

He could see now, how appealing death really was.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Cas repeated, sobbing uncontrollably.

"No you're not. You don't feel anything." Dean asserted as he showed a shining little blade to Cas.

An angel blade. Of course, Dean was a hunter, he had to have one.

"I do... I- please Dean... I love you." Cas blurted out, and it was very, very true.

"I don't care." Dean said and stabbed Cas in the chest, turning the blade in the wound right after as the angel let out a choked cry.

****  
  


* * *

The next thing Cas knew, he was gasping for air, suddenly sitting up on the bed, tears blurring his vision.

"Cas? Cas what is it?" Dean's worried voice next to him inquired.

He sat up as well and hooked his arm around Castiel's shoulder. "Cas?" He repeated.

The angel only felt a surge of fear when he heard his voice.

His own reaction made him cry even more. He couldn't take that anymore. He was going to kill himself if he kept going.

"Cas please talk to me..." Dean asked softly, kissing Cas' cheek a few times, nuzzling against him.

He was worried sick, Cas could feel it.

Cas was pathetic he couldn't even stop crying to reassure Dean. He wasn't strong enough to reassure anyone. Not even himself.

He couldn't lie anymore. It didn't matter if that killed him. If Dean was the one putting an end to his days. He was going to tell him the truth.

"I can't... I can't..." Cas tried to say.

Dean shook his head, squeezing him tight. "It's okay. Shh, it's all okay. Calm down."

Dean might have killed him in his dream, may have said the words he was the most scared to hear, his touch, his arms still brought him comfort. And slowly, he stopped sobbing so much that he couldn't talk.

Soon, he was able to breathe pretty much evenly and snuggled even closer to the older man.

"Is it the nightmares again?" Dean asked.

Cas nodded. Because it was so much easier, not to have to explain. Besides, those nightmares had disappeared when Dean had entered his life so he didn't know what he looked like when he had them.

"It's the war, right? The execution, everything... You hate it I know. I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." Dean apologized, although he had nothing to apologize for. "I'll tell Sam not to talk about it ever again." He promised.

"It's not... It's not your fault. Or Sam's." Cas sighed. "I'm alright now, I promise. It was only a dream."

"Nah Cas, it's not alright. I can see how bad you feel. I want nothing more than to help you. But I don't know how..." Dean explained, visibly pained that he couldn't do anything.

Cas could have chosen to tell him now, but he was too scared. He was always so scared. He didn't know what word to choose, how to make him understand he wasn't dangerous. That he would never hurt him, he'd rather die.

What was happening around him made his world a living hell. It could not go on anymore.

"I'm going to get better, I promise. Don't worry, please." Cas pleaded softly, turning to look at Dean.

The blank expression was replaced by infinite care and worry. Dean's eyes were frantically roaming the angel's face, as if looking for a clue about his condition.

Knowing that Dean still felt something for him filled him with hope. Yet, he wondered if he would become the executor he had seen in his dream when he'd know, the hunter that haunted his visions.

"I am fine." Cas assured again.

"If you say so... Do you feel like going back to bed?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

They lay back down and this time, Dean made him face him. Cas buried his face in the hunter's chest as Dean held him tighter than ever, as if he was hoping the nightmares would flee in front of him.  
  
This time, they did.

* * *

****  
  


The next day looked awfully similar to the one before, minus the execution. But Cas was done. He had decided that he couldn't live like that anymore. He didn't care if the choice he had made could get him killed. If the man he loved took his life himself, so be it.

Cas thought for a moment about the words the hunter on the scaffold had uttered. How angels would crawl in front of him and beg to be killed. He understood now how this sick strategy was actually working. The tension, the fear to be discovered, the lies, was too much to bare for anyone, angel or human.

Cas even wondered if the hunters really thought angels were emotionless, or if it was all just a trick to fool the population in believing they could get rid of them without any regret or compassion. It could work. Castiel realized with horror that it all made sense.

Dean had told him once that hunters recieved different types of training through the years. The Winchester had stayed for as little time as he could, which meant he only knew the basics. Which translated to: how to kill absolutely everything humanity considered an enemy. Dean didn't know much about the species he hunted, only that they could be dangerous and would kill his entire family in the blink of an eye. Since that's what they had told him.

Cas was almost sure that hunters that had trained for several years knew. Angels were soulless, pretty much, but only after they went to the Academy. When they are children, they are similar to human children.

After attending the Academy, they become warriors, killers, and blindly follow orders.

Those angels fought when demons had attacked. They hadn't even thought about running away for a second. The only ones who had were children.

Everyone under seventeen.

It only meant one thing: the refugees had all been under seventeen when they had first come here.

Nanta's government was hunting children, and they knew it. It made it all even more monstrous.

The training hunters received was similar to the one given at the Academy.

Cas understood that they probably knew who to suspect. He was in even more danger than he had imagined.

All those facts made what he was going to do even more dangerous. Suicidal even.

Even though his heart felt smaller at every step. His apprehension grew in its place. The weight of all the lies was slowly easing itself off of his shoulders. He wouldn't have to bear them anymore. If he died, at least would he be free of any regret.

Cas stopped in front of the forge's doors. He had thought about his decision all day. He made it hours ago. It still didn't make it any easier.

He took a deep breath, clenched his jaw and looked up.

The only reason he was doing this, giving himself up completely, was because he loved Dean with all his heart. He couldn't recall loving anyone that way, he didn't even know it was possible. He trusted Dean. Maybe too much, but soon it wouldn't matter anymore.

He was scared to death, his hands were shaking, his legs were barely supporting him, and every cell of his body yelled that he needed to run away.

Although, his mind was stronger.

He could do this.

Cas laid a careful hand on the doorknob, brushing his fingers over it, hesitating again.

He looked around him, some tiles were on the floor, pulled out of the roof by the wind of the day before.

The streets were dirty, filled with mud and trash that had flown away.

Cas wondered if he would soon be as devastated as the place before him.

He was about to turn the doorknob when it opened suddenly. Cas jumped slightly as Dean leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey you, I was just about to come and pick you up. I haven't seen you most of the day!" Dean exclaimed.

"Sorry..." Cas apologized, his voice low.

Dean smiled fondly and leaned in to kiss him lightly. "I missed you."

Cas looked up at him, his eyes were already shiny and wet. "Dean, I need to talk to you."

"Wait a sec, I've gotta show you something first." The hunter said, pulling Cas inside by the hand and closing the door behind them.

"Since you seemed so worried about the war and all that, I've decided to give you something." Dean stated, reaching out for a long slim chest on a shelf.

He put the chest on the table and opened it. Cas couldn't see what was inside.

"It's something to protect yourself." Dean said. "Because you know... I'm worried too. If anything happened to you I don't-... Anyway, with this, you'll be safe."

He pulled out a long silver blade. It glistened as it caught the light of the room as he moved it, handing it over to Castiel. It was the blade from his dream. Similar to the one from the scaffold. An object that could kill him at any second. A weapon that would drain his energy with a single cut.

Cas unknowingly took a step back.

"Hey, don't worry, it won’t harm humans," Dean informed Cas, "it's an angel blade. It kills them more easily and quickly than any other weapon. You can make sure they really are angels with it too. I want you to have this blade for protection."

"I don't want it." Cas whispered quietly. He doubted Dean even heard him.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked, taking a step forward.

Cas' eyes never left the blade. How was he supposed to...

"I'm an angel." He blurted without thinking.

Dean stopped, staring at him with wide eyes.

Cas didn't even dare to move. Silent tears were running down his cheeks.

Dean chuckled. "Of course you're not. You're Cas."

"Being Cas doesn't make me human." Castiel informed Dean quietly.

He couldn't look at Dean.

"I know that all our discussions about angels have annoyed you and everything but Cas... You're not an angel."

Castiel gulped and did something he never expected to do. He released his wings in front of Dean.

It was such an intimate thing to do. Such a shameful thing. It made him feel exposed and vulnerable.

Dean could do anything to him. He could kill him with a single movement.

Cas bowed his head, an attempt at making himself smaller. Wanting, no needing to disappear. He sobbed softly and his knees gave out. He fell on the floor in front of Dean.

There was no going back now. He had lost everything good he once had.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He choked out, apologizing for his nature, for being what he was.

He expected pain, screams, anger, but nothing came. Dean didn't move, too shocked. Cas still didn't dare to look at him. He didn't feel worthy enough.

"That's impossible..." Dean muttered, the disbelife evident in his voice.

"I'm sorry." Cas repeated. "I couldn't tell you... but if I'm going to die and if anyone has to kill me, I'd rather it be you."

"What? What the fuck Cas?" Dean yelled and the angel shut his eyes.

There came anger.

"I didn't want to lie to you anymore... I can't. I'm sorry Dean... I'm so sorry."

He was ready to die. Had been for a while. But at this moment, he was ready to die right now if that's what Dean wanted. If Dean tried to kill him, Cas wouldn't fight back. He probably deserved it.

Strangely Cas couldn't stop crying. He had thought he would at least be brave enough to look at Dean in the eyes when he'd stab him in the heart, but apparently he wasn't.

"You think I'm going to kill you?" Dean asked, his voice breaking. "You think I'd hurt you? Do you really think so low of me?"

Cas couldn't help but look up this time. They both looked at each other sadly. Their eyes filled with tears. Cas had never seen Dean cry.

"No, no of course not." Cas said. "I just know that... You hate angels."

Every word left behind an horrible aftertaste and burned his throat like ash.

"So you think I hate you?"

"Don't you?"

"Oh god... I can't... It can't be happening." Dean complained to himself.

Cas stayed silent, letting Dean process what was happening.

"I thought... Was it all a lie? Do you even feel anything?" The hunter asked and Cas felt extremely betrayed.

"Do you sincerely think I faked my feelings for you? Do my tears right now seem fake?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." Dean grunted as he tugged at his hair.

Cas noticed he still had the blade in his hand.His grip had tightened around it. The angel flinched and Dean noticed it. He put the blade away.

"Are you scared?" Dean asked.

"Yes." Cas admitted weakly.

He was terrified.

"Of me?"

"No."

That seemed to soften Dean. He kneeled in front of Cas.

"I need you to explain everything to me because I'm a little lost." Dean said.

Cas took a deep breath and began, "I... I was born an angel. I know what they say, that we're not supposed to feel. I know it must be hard to believe that I do but... There's an Academy. They send us there when we're seventeen. It conditions us to remove all emotions and feelings. I’ve never been there, because the war started when I was thirteen..."

"Wow, wow slow down. That's a lot of information."

"I know. I'm sorry. Dean... You just need to know that I didn't pretend with you, not once. Not with anyone. I lied to you and I regret doing that so much..."

"What else did you lie about?"

"My family's death. My parents died in battle and Gabriel and Anna..." Cas stopped, his throat tight as he became overwhelmed with emotion.

"Alright, you'll explain later." Dean said, softer than before when he saw how sensitive the subject was. "Anything else?"

"No Dean, I didn't lie about anything else. Everything I told you, everything we had, it was genuine." Cas asserted.

"Do you love me?" Dean asked.

"I love you."

"Do you think I still love you?"

Cas felt another wave of sadness flood him.

"No..."

"You're wrong." Dean rectified quickly.

Cas opened wide, hopeful eyes. He couldn't say anything anymore.

He bursted in tears.

He never would have thought Dean could react like that to the news. He hadn't imagined his feelings would stay unchanged.

The hunter didn't stop here. He wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him.

Cas just cried harder.

Dean's entire facial expression had changed, he was looking at Cas with so much sadness. The angel could have thought he was the one risking his life instead of the other way around..

"I'm sorry baby... If I had known... Oh fuck, everything I said about angels, I didn't mean it... I didn't know. I probably made you feel terrible. I'm sorry." Dean apologized.

What was he talking about? He had nothing to be sorry for.

"How could you do that?" Dean added. "How did you keep that to yourself for so long? The execution... Everything, I should have seen it sooner."

Cas could barely talk, but he had to say something. He couldn't let Dean feel so guilty.

"I-it's not your fault... You didn't know."

"Still... What they do to angels... I thought they couldn't feel anything. But you feel. God, Cas you feel. All this time I was scared of what angels could do to you, but I should have been scared of what we could do to you. And for the blade... I'm sorry too."

"Dean please... It's my fault, I should have told you sooner."

"No, you couldn't tell me. I was so blind, so deaf, I wouldn't have listened. I'm sorry Cas..." Dean repeated. "You're not alone anymore."

Cas couldn't explain how relieving those simple words were. How they felt like they had freed him and taken the responsibilities away. He nuzzled in Dean's neck and shed a few more tears.

"I won't let anything happen to you. You're not gonna die, Cas. Don't talk like that ever again."

Cas smiled and tightened his grip around the hunter's shoulders.

"I'll protect you." Dean promised.

There they were, the words he had wished to hear under these circumstances, but had never hoped for.

"I love you." Dean said, as if he were making sure Castiel still knew this. "Don't ever doubt that."

Cas stayed here, in Dean's protective embrace. This time he gave in. This time he opened up, he cried for hours.

As Dean, incredibly patient, just waited. He held him close, rubbing his back comfortingly, kissing his head from time to time in reassurance.

There was a moment when Dean's fingers brushed over the feathers at the beginning of Castiel's shoulder blades and the angel's whole body shuddered. He had no idea his wings could feel like that.

Immediately noticing it, the hunter did it again, stroking with a little more pressure this time. Cas pressed against him completely, letting out a soft groan.

He could almost hear Dean smile, even though he couldn't see him.

"I think I'm gonna have fun with that." He stated as he lightly caressed the black feathers, tearing another moan from Cas.

The hunter chuckled and planted a kiss on the top of Castiel's head. "They're beautiful by the way."

Cas looked up at him and smiled softly.

For once, it felt like things could actually get better. Like everything was going to be fine.

****  
  


* * *

Dean understood now. He had known something was up with Cas but there was no way he'd have ever imagined that.

He had been surprised, it was true. Yet he had been suspicious for a while. Not about Cas, but about angels in general. His brother and his boyfriend both seemed to think angels weren't exactly that bad.

Dean's natural curiosity had made him do some research.

When he had received his training, hunters had told him innumerable reasons why angels were dangerous, but they had mentioned a minority of angels that weren't "complete" like thet said, or malfunctioning. Some angels who fell and stopped following orders.

Dean wondered if Cas had fallen.

They talked the whole night. Dean wanted answers.

Cas told him everything he knew about the academy, he told him about his brother who had been one year away from going there, and his sister. He told him how they had died and how he saw them every night in his sleep. He cried again, he didn't look like he was able to stop. Dean comforted him as much as he could.

He felt slightly betrayed by the fact that Cas hadn't told him the truth before but understood his reasons. Although he had been incredibly saddened when he had seen how frightened Cas was in front of him.

He wouldn't hurt him. Ever.

He didn't care if he was an angel, hell he wouldn't have cared if he had been a freaking monster or something.

He loved the guy. How could he even think he didn't for a second?

Dean did everything he could not to show how touched he was by Castiel's story. The way his voice weakened, quivered, the way his eyes filled with tears of sorrow and regrets when he told him everything about the night he had run away, it broke Dean's heart.

Cas was so strong, he thought. He had kept all that to himself for so long. Dean was certain he wouldn’t have been able to. He didn't know what he would have done if something had happened to Sammy. He probably would have lost his mind.

Yet, Cas had suffered silently for years. Dean understood now, what he had meant when he thanked him. He had brought a change in his life, a distraction, a support, something he never had before.

The way Dean looked at Cas hadn't changed. Not really.

He simply felt the need to keep him safe constantly now. It wasn't that he thought he was weak, no. But he was worried about everything that could happen to him. He was like this little, fragile, breakable thing that Dean swore to protect.

He thought about it for a moment, about how something so pure and so innocent could be hunted and forever broken. How some people probably wanted Cas' head on a plate. The thought made him sick.

He was an angel. Now that he knew it, it seemed so much clearer. He should have seen it sooner.

He remembered the feast, the way he had sent Gordon away. He remembered the pain in his eyes when Dean brought up the subject of angels, the fear when Sam had announced that the government was looking for refugees.

He had been so stupid.

Dean looked at Cas, nestled against him, his forehead resting on his shoulder. He hadn't let go of him of the evening. Not once. He was afraid Dean would disappear, leave him.

The hunter knew that, which was why he stayed with him, even though he felt like his bladder was going to explode.

The angel looked so vulnerable like that, with his giant dark coal wings spread out on the bed behind him, unmoving, exposed. They were magnificent. The feathers were soft and shining, every touch made them flutter. It was as if they responded to Dean.

They were so delicate. Cas was so sensitive each time Dean stroked them.

It made him even more beautiful to Dean's eyes.

The thought that anyone could lay a finger on him because he had committed the crime of being alive made Dean furious. His blood was boiling in his veins.

He would rather die than let anything happen to Castiel. Silently he swore that he would stop them before they got to be anywhere near his angel.

There were many things he needed to know. More information about angels he wanted to learn.

Cas tried his best, and told him everything he knew, but they both realized that he didn't know much about his own species. He had mostly learned what he knew in books, and that was understandable, he had been taken away from his family when he was very young after all.

Dean was so glad he never went to the Academy. He couldn't imagine how angels could erase such a lovely personality without a second thought. They could be horrible creatures. Cas definitely was an exception.

Of all the douchebags they could hunt amongst angels, they were hunting the most innocent ones.

"Can you fly? Vanish into thin air? Can you get all supersonic with your mojo and stuff?" Dean asked suddenly, out of the blue.

Cas let out a small chuckle. "Not really... Angels learn how to fly at the Academy. I've never been taught. And I probably never will. I cannot disappear in any way and my powers are... Hard to control."

"Hard to control how?"

"I trained, alone in the forest for weeks."

"So that's where you were all this time!" Dean exclaimed.

"The truth is, I was scared I wouldn't know how to tame them. I was scared I would hurt you."

"But you managed to control them."

"Barely. There are many things I didn't even know I could do. Many I am still discovering."

"Will you show me?" Dean asked, curious.

"Of course. I will show you everything you want to see." Cas promised. "But we should be careful."

"We will be. I won't let anything happen to you, I swear." Dean asserted again.

He was ready to give Cas a constant reminder that he was going to take care of him. Because it helped Dean remember how much he needed Cas.

Cas smiled lightly. "I meant with my powers. I don't want to hurt you unintentionally."

Dean chuckled, looking at the angel with amusement. "I know how to defend myself. You should be careful, you know what I'm capable of." He whispered in a flirtatious way.

Cas blushed and couldn't help a smile. "Oh yes, I know."

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas, his hands sliding down to the angel's waist.

It was going to be a great night. He could feel it.

Their relationship felt much lighter now. It was like something heavy that had constantly hovered over them had just flown away. The secrets unburied, the words now spoken, their heart open to each other.

They were both just so glad to be safe and sound together.

****  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The country starts to develop new means to find and hunt down angels. Dean decides to act before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> First of all, I am so, so, so sorry it took me so long to post this chapter... I had a busy schedule the last two weeks and my beta reader, nevermoreheaven (who I want to thank for correcting my chapter) did too, so I couldn't post it before. I'm going to post chapter 9 soon, to redeem myself, ahah. It should be up next wednesday at the latest.  
> I want to thank everyone who leaves comments as well, they make my day and keep me writing!
> 
> Anyway, here it is, finally, chapter eight! Enjoy!

It had been a year since the war declaration. Dean turned 21. Cas turned 18.

Two more angels had been arrested in the village. Thirty in the whole country.

At first, Castiel had stopped worrying all the time because he was with Dean. The older man's position helped in hiding the angel's true identity. Although, that wasn't enough anymore.

Caelum's threats increased. Nanta was starting to fight back. Cas' adoptive country wanted every refugee hanged or killed. They were desperately trying to prevent rebellion in their ranks. If more angels fell, it would be disastrous for the government, so they tried to come to an agreement with Nanta.

They counted four hundred deserters and humans hadn't even caught eighty. The means used weren't sufficient. They needed to improve their way of finding angels.

Dean and Cas' fear and nervousness were growing every day. For Cas, it was easy at first, to pretend. He had a hunter on his side. Not so much anymore. They were starting to suspect everyone of treason and complicity. 

The government was sure people were hiding angels. Certain that some of them did not believe in all their lies about angels not feeling pain or having any feeling whatsoever.

Nobody was to be trusted, not even hunters. At least, not the ones who did not receive the hardest training.

Cas felt a bit guilty for worrying and implicating Dean so much, but the hunter wouldn't let him out of his sight for more than an hour. Cas was resigned to let him help. He understood, he would have done the same thing, had the situations been reversed.

Castiel had been working at the bakery more often lately. They had both decided that acting like nothing had changed was the best option. Dean helped at the forge every day. The angel had the feeling Dean was deliberately trying to keep him away from his father. He knew it was more than just a feeling.

He was scared and so was Cas, that the older Winchester would immediately see the young man's true nature.

Only a few people knew Castiel's secret. Two actually. Dean and Sam.

The hunter had deemed his brother trustful enough to tell him the truth, and Cas hadn't objected. Sam was his friend, he trusted him. Besides, he was helping them out a lot.

He covered them, made up excuses for Dean's absences. He helped Cas sneak out of their house when John came back unexpectedly.

Castiel was impossibly grateful for their help, friendship and love.

 

Today was a rainy day in October. The wind was blowing into the pipes, whistling in the cracks of the walls and shaking the house's foundation. It was cold outside, colder than it could have ever been in Caelum. It had been five years, and Cas still wasn't used to winters in Nanta.

He didn't know much about the other kingdoms' weather, apart from the fact that it was excessively hot in Matastos, and pretty much cold in Ors. Caelum had always been neutral and regular about its temperatures. It was never too cold, and never too hot. The difference of temperature between summer and winter was very small, almost unnoticeable.

But Nanta was the country with the most variable weather. Most of which totally escaped Castiel's understanding. He was restricted to Faynel's weather anyway, and had never witnessed the famous snowstorms of the North that could destroy an entire village in less than an hour, or the hurricanes in the South. Not even the changing weathers and deadly winds of the high lands.

So many stories he had heard but never lived, not that he wished to, but something so impressive at least deserved to be observed once.

Castiel knew it though, he would probably never see more of the country. He would be lucky to just survive in Faynel. Surprisingly he had grown fond of this little village.

The thought made him smile, still. He was scared by storms here, he couldn't imagine how it would be if he found himself trapped in a hurricane or worse. The only way he would survive this would be to be trapped with Dean.

This country's weather fascinated him. He found this changing kingdom astonishing, but slightly scary.

He had been accustomed to regular seasons, unchanging landscapes, and even five years later, he still jumped when he heard thunder, still shivered at the sound of wind sneaking into the chimneys.

Dean said he found those habits adorable. Castiel did not.

Once again, the angel was reminded of how easily he lost himself in his own mind when Rufus' voice called him.

"Damnit kiddo, you deaf or something?"

Cas offered him an apologetic smile. "Excuse me, I wasn't listening."

"Yeah I saw that. You done here? The lady over there would like her bread before it gets cold." Rufus informed.

"What? Ah, yes. Yes I'm done."

Cas hurriedly took the dough out of the oven and wrapped it delicately in a piece of cloth, being careful not to burn himself. It was a little over baked, the crust was slightly burnt. Cas cursed himself for his negligence and absentmindedness.

He brought the bread to Rufus who gave the change to the woman apparently impatiently waiting.

 

“I'm sorry." Cas said quietly.

“You should be! If every apprentice was as incompetent as you are, the country would be ruled by fools." She snapped sharply.

Cas didn't say anything, keeping a low profile. Even though he really wanted to say that it already was ruled by fools.

"Come on Castiel, please make an effort." Rufus sighed out once the woman was gone. "I can't always ask them to excuse you."

Cas looked down. He felt bad. He couldn't forget how much he owed Rufus and disappointing him was the last thing he wanted to do.

It had been months, because he couldn't stop thinking about Dean and when he was going to see him, then about the executions and the risks to be discovered. He was becoming too inattentive, almost completely useless.

"Come on, don't pull that face." Rufus said, seeing Cas' afflicted expression.

"I'm sorry... I'll make it up to you." He promised.

The old man shook his head, smiling. "Don't worry, I know you have a lot on your mind lately, with everything happening. But you gotta pay attention boy, or people are gonna get suspicious."

Cas tensed, looking at him with wide eyes. Did he...

"Hey, I never said anything, never will." Rufus said.

Cas just stared at him, dazed.

Rufus chuckled. "I would have had to be bat shit crazy not to have figured it out the day I saved you."

So he knew. He had known all along.

"B-but I thought... I mean..."

"You thought wrong. I knew it, that's why I took you as my apprentice. I was trying to protect you."

Cas leaned against the counter, needing support.

"But how?" The angel enquired.

"How did I know that you weren't human? Your eyes, kiddo. And the way you looked at everything with curiosity and interest, as if you saw them for the first time. The fact that you didn't know how to do many human things."

Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"And you appeared out of nowhere, just when they announced that angels had found refuge in Nanta."

Cas, agape, was looking at Rufus in disbelief.

"Oh and there's the fact that I was a hunter before."

This time, Cas stumbled in shock as he reached for the sack of flour.

"You were what?" The angel exclaimed.

"I was a hunter. Do I have to repeat it one more time or are you good? I figured that you were a smart one."

Cas nodded, his eyes wide.

"Don't look at me like that. You don't have to be young and pretty to be a hunter. We're not all like your boyfriend."

The angel really thought he was going to faint. It was the first time Rufus truly acknowledged Cas and Dean's relationship and all those revelations were a lot to process in one day.

"But you’re..." Cas stuttered.

"I'm what? Too old?"

"No, I meant, weren't you supposed to kill me? Kill every angel?"

"Supposedly yeah. But I quit all that nonsense a while ago."

"Can you quit? And, uh, quitting is one thing but saving someone you're supposed to hunt..."

"I left when I understood that they wanted us to kill people. I didn't quit, not officially of course, you can't. But I'm not serving anymore."

Cas nodded again, trying to make sense of all that.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew?" He asked.

"I didn't want you to feel threatened. It didn't change anything for me. You're like the son I never had, regardless of your species."

A wave of affection crashed upon Cas at Rufus' words and he felt his eyes water.

"It's... Thank you Rufus. I really mean it." Cas said and the old man smiled.

"Don't mention it kid."

The conversation ended abruptly when Dean rushed in the bakery. He was panting, he looked panicked.

"C-Cas..." He stuttered. "Need to... To talk to you."

He took a second to catch his breath and turned to Rufus. "Can I borrow him for a moment?"

The old man let out a laugh and mumbled something along the lines of 'you did more than borrow him' and 'like you need my authorization'.

Dean took that as a yes and grabbed Castiel's hand, pulling him outside.

The angel didn't take his eyes off of Dean, worried. "What is it? Dean, are you okay?"

Dean shook his head and looked him in the eyes. "No. I'm not okay, and neither will you if we don't go."

Cas frowned, tilting his head. "Go? Go where? What for?"

His questions were pressing, his voice filled with concern. Why wasn't Dean alright?

"We need to leave Cas. Leave far from here."

"Why? Dean, what's going on?"

Dean sighed, choosing his words. "I was with my dad. He's been called to the capital. They're reuniting high graded hunters. Of course, I'm not invited. But that's good, 'cause I'm not leaving you."

"What are they doing? Why are they gathering?" Cas asked.

"They're making decisions, trying new ways to make angels reveal themselves. They have new plans."

"What are they?" Cas said, pale.

"I don't know. But I heard my dad talk to someone. They said they were gonna send hunters in every house to inspect every inhabitants."

Cas' heart felt heavy suddenly.

"That's not gonna work." Dean added. "As soon as the angels are gonna hear about that, they're gonna try to leave. And that's exactly what the government wants. In less than a week, every town will be closed. Nobody will come in or leave."

Cas gulped. "But... How do we do?"

"We have to leave as soon as possible. Tomorrow at dawn." Dean declared.

"But we won't have enough time!" Cas protested. "What about Rufus? And Sam?"

Dean looked down, his bottom lip trembling. "They have to stay. They have nothing to fear here. You have. You are in danger. And I'm never leaving you."

Cas bit his lip. He was taking Dean away from his family.

"I can't ask that of you..."

"You don't have to ask anything Cas. I want to do this. It's the only way I can make sure everyone I care about is safe." Dean said.

Cas looked down. How was he going to tell Rufus he was leaving him? Surely, he would understand, but he was nowhere near paying his debts toward him.

How would they do? How would they survive, just the two of them?

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean whispered softly, taking the angel's hand and brushing his thumb across his palm.

Cas smiled sadly. "It's not your fault. I should be the one saying sorry. You have to leave because of me..."

Dean frowned and leaned closer, cupping Castiel's cheek with his other hand. "You listen to me, you stubborn little dork. Everything I do, I do it because I choose to. If I want to go with you, there's a reason."

Cas was listening attentively, his eyes never leaving Dean's.

"Because with you, I’ve found something worth living and dying for. I've never been good at anything, but there's something I promised I'd always do: protect the ones I love."

Cas opened his mouth to protest, to tell him that he was good at many things, that he could not think that of himself when he was so perfect in his eyes. Dean cut him off before he even started.

"I love you, Cas. No matter what you say, I'm coming with you. I swore to keep you safe. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I can assure you, that even if we have to travel for weeks, even if we have to wait for another year, I'll make you happy again."

"Dean..." Cas whispered, looking at him with bright eyes. "I am happy. As long as I am with you, I am happy. I don't need anything else." He brushed his nose against Dean's. "I love you too. Very much."

Dean grinned, and leaned in to kiss Cas' lips lightly, but the angel didn't let him pull away instead deepening the kiss.

Dean pulled him closer, trapping him in strong arms, rubbing his back as soon as he noticed that Cas was shivering. Cas only had a pullover when Dean had a warm jacket.

The hunter took it off and put it on Cas' shoulders, the cold almost immediately hitting him. He didn't show it though.

"No Dean, you need your jacket." Cas protested, already attempting to take it off.

Dean took his hands firmly and looked at him playfully, brushing his lips against his and whispering, commanding. "You keep it, understood?"

He knew how to make Cas obey him without discussion. The angel nodded, his breath catching in his throat.

"Good boy."

Cas shuddered again, but this time, Dean knew it wasn't because of the cold.

The hunter smiled, visibly content of himself, and of the effect those simple words had on Castiel.

The complicity they had since the weight of lies between them was gone was more than pleasant. They had grown even closer than they were before, if that was possible.

"We should get ready." Dean said and sighed. "It's an awful timing. Winter is here and it's even harder to plan a journey in these conditions."

"What do we have to bring?" Cas enquired.

"We have to bring many things. It's gonna be hard. I'll get us two horses and a tent. We need warm clothes, a lot of layers, supplies, water, food, weapons. We need blankets."

"I have never ridden a horse." Cas informed.

"It's easy, I'll show you."

"I think I can get us blankets and bread. If I explain to Rufus, I'm sure he'll agree to bake more for us."

Dean smiled. "Great. That's a good thing. We have hunter supplies at home for when my dad leaves on a hunt. We can take some, it's easy to preserve and it lasts a fucking while."

"I can take canteens of water. But I don't have any weapons. I don't really know how to use them. Except for angel blades."

Dean smiled and winked. "You can count on me for that. We have plenty of weapons. And I'll give you the angel blade. It should be yours anyway. I'll feel better if you have it."

Cas nodded. "Alright, I'll gather everything."

"Cas..." Dean started. "You have to know... It won't be easy. It really won't. Especially since it's gonna be really freaking cold and I guess you don't know much about Nanta's lands, you've only been there for five years. We're gonna have to go through a lot of difficulties, and we'll have to determine a path that won't be easily suspected. And the lands aren't exactly always welcoming."

Cas swallowed. Great, that was reassuring.

"I don't want to worry you. You just need to know..." Dean added.

Cas smiled lightly, "It's alright, we can do this."

"Course we can!" Dean exclaimed with a grin, "There's nothing we can't face together."

That brought a smile on Cas' lips as well.

"I'm gonna go and pack all that stuff we talked about." Dean declared. "My dad's getting ready to leave so I've gotta be discreet. In three hours he's gone, so you know where to come next." He winked. "Bring your bags as well. We'll store everything at my place." He paused. "It's our last night in a real bed, let's make it a hell of a night."

Cas chuckled. "That works for me." He took the jacket off again, but Dean stopped him.

"You take care of that, I'll need it for the journey." He said. "I don't want you to be cold when you come over tonight though. So you keep it."

"What about you? You have to walk back to your house." Cas protested.

"Bah, don't worry about me." Dean assured, kissing Cas' forehead. "I'll see you later."

Upon these words, he left, squeezing Castiel's hand once more.

The angel, still shuddering despite the jacket he wrapped himself into, hastened to get back inside.

 

Dean had gathered everything, taken precautions for tomorrow's departure, checked everything three or four times and packed some other things he thought was indispensable for at least half an hour while he waited for Castiel.

Sam had told him to calm down three hundred times or so, and was currently complaining that he was making him nervous with his incessant pacing.

Dean knew that they were in fact both anxious. It wasn't just any journey. It wasn't going to be easy. They left to save Castiel's life, it was a very important cause. The most important.

Dean never would have even imagined that he'd leave the house before Sam. He had always pictured his little brother walking away to live his life somewhere, a life he had worked hard to get, a life he truly deserved.

Dean would have had to stay, watch him leave while he was trapped. In a place he didn't even like, doing a job he didn't want. Fate apparently had decided otherwise.

Sometimes, the eldest Winchester had to remind himself that he didn't believe in fate.

With everything happening though, it was hard lately.

Still, Sam would be the one who would have to see his brother and his friend leave tomorrow, seeking the life they dreamed of and finally fighting for it.

Sam had been the biggest part of Dean's life for over sixteen years, it was weird to even think that he wasn't going to see him in a very, very long time. Maybe not ever again.

If they didn't get out of this alive, or if Sam left when they came back, if they even came back, they would never see each other again.

The two Winchesters weren't ready for that. They had been inseparable all their lives, how were they supposed not to see each other now?

It was all for Cas. Sam understood that too, he had been the first to agree to this plan.

When Cas arrived, they had dinner. The atmosphere was a bit heavy, full of unspoken farewells, they all knew it was their last meal together. Everyone was a little sad. They comforted themselves thinking that they still had the night and would only have to say their goodbyes tomorrow morning.

As soon as they finished eating, Dean dragged Cas to his father's room, with one last sign to Sam telling him to go to bed.

"Yeah, yeah I'm going." Sam said, rolling his eyes. "Don't even bother guys, I know the way now."

Once they were alone, Dean smirked. Cas had that same innocent look on his face he had before anything happened. Like he never knew what to expect, like he wasn't sure what Dean wanted.

God, he loved that look.

"Baby, I wanna try something." Dean whispered, stepping closer.

"What do you want to try?" Cas asked, cocking his head.

"Have you ever thought about doing it... With your wings out?"

Cas blushed instantly. It had been a year since he had shown his wings to Dean, but even though the older man had seen how sensitive they were, they had never really tried it.

"I... I have." Cas admitted, much to Dean's surprise.

"Oh. Oh you dirty, naughty angel." He murmured, landing a kiss on Cas' neck. "Would you like it?"

"I think that I would like it. A lot actually."

Dean grinned against his skin and nipped gently to hear one of those delicious sounds Cas could make. He was rewarded with a soft groan.

"Good. I want you to take your clothes off and pull your wings out." Dean ordered, knowing without a doubt that Cas would do as he said.

So he did.

His natural timidity making his movements unsure at first, as he removed his pullover and shirt. His hands were shaking in anticipation when he unbuttoned his pants and slid them down.

Dean found the sight delectable.

The angel was left with nothing but his boxers, a shy blush covering his cheeks, as if he needed an encouragement to go further.

"Keep going baby, you're doing great." Dean said, his eyes caressing every curve of the thinner body in front of him.

Cas took his underwear off. Then he released his wings.

It had been so long, Dean had forgotten. They were beautiful. More than that, they had to belong to a god. Black like the darkest of nights, huge like the immensity of the skies, they were not meant to be tamed, to be trapped in such a small place. The hunter let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

He couldn't believe how blindly Cas trusted him, how easily he gave himself. He loved him even more for that, and he made sure, every time, to remind him that this trust was founded. That he could be himself, give him everything, Dean would never use it against him.

Cas knew that now.

The angel was standing in the middle of the room, completely naked, his wonderful wings stretched out behind him, touching the ceiling. He was looking at Dean with this flustered expression the hunter loved so much.

He had him here, completely his to take, his to use if he wanted to. He had him here, ready to take everything Dean wanted to give him, ready to do as he was told to please.

Dean knew how intimate, private and difficult it had to be for him. He had to feel so exposed, like someone was looking straight at him, able to see every imperfection.

Dean didn't see any imperfections.

He only saw a young man he had been stupid to think human when everything about him was so heavenly.

"You're so good for me baby," Dean whispered, stepping forward to finally lay his hands on this perfect creature, "so beautiful."

Cas' blush was spreading to his ears now. Dean's hands ran down his back, stopping on his butt, pressing him closer, making him whimper at the feeling of his naked cock brushing against Dean's clothed one.

"Can I touch them?" Dean asked, looking up at the wings.

"You can."

Smiling, Dean brought a hesitant hand to the closest feathers. A single touch made Cas shiver.

They were so soft, Dean didn't think he would ever be able to stop touching them. He buried his hand in the thick feathers. They fluttered and Cas moaned loudly, as if Dean was touching a completely different part of his body.

Grinning at his reaction, he teased him again, brushing his fingers over the base of the wing before stroking the feathers with the right pressure.

Cas shifted, pressing against him until he was almost pushing Dean back. His wings twitched when the hunter reached a certain spot, he swore that he would remember where it was.

Dean pulled away, grinning proudly as Cas groaned at the loss of his body's warmth against him, at the loss of his touch.

"Shh babe, we haven't even started yet. I don't wanna see those beautiful wings crushed under you, so you're gonna be good and get on your hands and knees on the bed for me." Dean commanded.

Cas immediately complied, climbing on the bed as Dean hurriedly got rid of his clothes.

The sight of Cas, offered and exposed like that sent a rush of blood straight to his cock.

He got on the bed behind him, running a gentle hand on Cas' ass cheek. "You're so beautiful, Cas." He whispered, fascinated.

Not losing any more time, Dean leaned on him, pressing his chest against the angel's back to reach his wings. He stroked the feathers for a moment, making Cas moan and buck his hips until Dean couldn't take the friction against his cock anymore, he had to stop and take the bottle of lube.

As he generously soaked his fingers with lubricant, he pressed a soft kiss on Cas' back.

"D-Dean... I think your hands on my wings have a stronger effect than I expected." Cas stuttered when Dean rubbed his fingers in a tight circle against his hole to warm up the lube.

The hunter chuckled. "I saw that. You horny?"

"Very..."

"That's perfect."

He pressed two fingers inside suddenly and Cas' back arched, he let out a loud and long moan.

"O-oh god..." He groaned.

Dean moved his fingers in and out rapidly, knowing that Cas needed this right now. Dean couldn't say he disliked his reactions either.

He prepared him quickly, not taking much time because he could feel that he was himself losing it pretty fast.

When he took his fingers out, Cas let out a long whine of protest. Dean sat up on his knees and lined his cock at Castiel's loosened entrance.

"Ready?"

He pushed in without further warning, not even waiting for the answer, until he bottomed out. Cas cried out, instinctively spreading his legs wider and gripping the sheets tightly, his wings like two shadows stretched out further, touching the walls and the ceiling, too small to contain this beautiful being.

Dean groaned when he started moving inside the angel, extending his hand to grab the feathers. And when he took a handful of them, being careful not to touch the long, thin ones he thought fragile, Cas screamed in pleasure, pushing back against Dean's cock.

The hunter moaned at the feeling and quickened his thrusts to satisfy them both as he clung to Cas' feathers.

It felt wonderful, to see Cas fall apart beneath him at every thrust, moaning increasingly loudly.

"Yeah! Th-that's it baby..." Dean gasped out between grunts. "You feel so good... So good for me. So tight..."

Cas' arms trembled, barely supporting him, far from being insensitive to Dean's praise.

"You take it so well, on your knees for me. Such a good boy."

Dean's dirty talk was obviously very efficient, judging by the way Cas choked slightly on his moans, crying out every time Dean hit his prostate. In one year, they had had time to know what pleased the other. Dean knew how receptive Cas was to words. He knew how much he loved giving Dean all the control, loved when he was rough and then, once they were finished, turned tender suddenly. Cas knew how much Dean enjoyed seeing him helpless, at his mercy, all his. He knew he didn't have to hold back, he could be himself. He knew how much Dean loved him begging and pliant.

"I'm sure you like it, huh? Being exposed, being mine. All mine." Dean said.

Cas let out a loud whimper. "Y-yes... Ah, Dean yes! Don't stop please..."

Dean didn't have any intention to stop. He hardened his thrusts, angling himself better to reach that point he knew drove Cas crazy.

"You love it, don't you? You like my cock slamming into you. Say you're mine."

Cas didn't seem to have to lie because he didn't hesitate a second. He was so close already.

"I'm yours! A-all yours. I-..." He stuttered.

The angel lost it incredibly fast, coming in no time under Dean, untouched. His hands gave up and his face fell against the mattress, his ass still in the air.

The hunter smiled, because he hadn't even been conscious enough to say the sentence fully. Dean kept pounding in him until his own pleasure reached its apogee and he filled Cas up with cum, groaning and gasping loudly.

He collapsed on Cas, whose knees gave up as well and he found himself crushed between Dean's weight and the mattress.

"Wow..." Dean breathed out. "That was... Wow, baby."

Cas chuckled. "Wow should sum it up, indeed." He said, panting and having difficulty catching a breath with Dean on him.

"You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?" Dean asked, kissing the back of Cas' neck.

Cas huffed but didn't answer.

"Well I'm telling you, you're amazing."

"If you say so."

"You should say it too."

"I don't deem myself amazing, Dean."

The hunter grinned as an idea popped into his mind. "Say it. Say that you're amazing."

"I am not-" Cas started but he trailed off when Dean started running his fingers over his sides.

He started laughing and tried to escape Dean's tickling, but it was impossible. He could wiggle all he wanted, he couldn't get the hunter off of him. Soon, Cas was giggling so much he was out of breath, but Dean didn't have any pity, he kept tickling him.

"Say it!" The hunter said, chuckling.

"I- I... Dean I can't-..." Cas giggled.

"Come oooon!"

He paused for a second, leaving Cas the time to answer.

"I'm amazing!" He exclaimed between two fits of laughter and Dean smiled proudly.

"Yeaaah, there we go. Was it that hard?"

Cas just kept laughing softly, trying to calm down. Dean leaned back down on him, his hands touching with care and tenderness now.

In less than a minute, Cas had calmed down thanks to Dean's soothing touch and the hunter slid off of him, before wrapping his arms around him again.

Cas laid his head on Dean's chest and took a deep, peaceful breath.

"You should sleep now, sweetheart. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day," Dean whispered softly to an already half asleep Cas.

"You're right. Good night Dean, sleep well." He mumbled.

"You too." Dean said even though he could hear that Cas was already asleep.

He was incredible, he needed less than two minutes to fall asleep.

All things considered, Dean was pretty tired too.

Soon, they were both drifting off to sleep, nestled against each other. Their minds filled with thoughts of the next day. Their hearts filled with hopes of a new start, of a new life.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas finally start their great journey towards a new life. They are expecting their path to be quiet and peaceful now that they are running away from their problems. But the road they're taking is littered with bumps and unexpected obstacles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there everyone! So, I'm not going to expose my personal life here too much but long story short, I live in France. I think everyone knows what happened here and it's been very hard for me and all of us in the last five days. I wanted to post this chapter Saturday but after everything... I didn't think it was appropriate and I was feeling way too bad for this. Anyway, I took a few days and I'm slowly getting over the shock and horror. I think life has to go on, because being sad like this forever would be letting them win. That's why I'm posting this chapter today.  
> I hope you understand and that you're all okay. To my French readers, if there is any, I just want to say... Be brave!
> 
> So, finally, here you go. I want to thank Nevermoreheaven, my beta who is beyond amazing and still helps me correcting every chapter! I also want to thank everyone who is still following this story despite my irregular updating. 
> 
> Enjoy!

There were plenty of things Castiel would have liked to do in his life. Traveling with someone he loved had always been on his bucket list.

However, having to flee home because he would most likely die if he stayed had not been in the cards as he had imagined himself leaving.

He was taking conscience of it now, life was like that. Things happened unexpectedly, and they weren't always good. His existence had been a constant rhythm of dark and traumatic events. He wasn't complaining though. He still had Dean and that was all that mattered.

Cas had said his goodbyes to Rufus the day before. He could have sworn he had seen tears in the old man's eyes. Cas hadn't bothered to hide his own. He owed him his life and so much more. Rufas had been a friend, a support, a father to him. He couldn't think about leaving him on his own after all this.

Yet Rufus understood, he didn't want Castiel to get in more danger than he already was. Leaving was a necessity, and they all had to deal with it, no matter how heartless it sounded.

Cas knew Dean wasn't in better shape. They had woken up very early in the morning, ready to take off at dawn, and the hunter hadn't said a word since they had gotten out of bed.

He looked tired, tense and anxious. Not that the angel could blame him. He himself was scared to death. He was afraid they wouldn't make it. Afraid they would still get caught. Afraid the place they were going to wouldn't be safer. Afraid something would happen to Sam and Rufus while they were gone.

They knew that they would probably never come back to Faynel. They had no way of knowing if they would ever see their loved ones again.

Castiel's throat felt dry and his chest was tight. He watched as Dean and Sam bid their farewells, a little further ahead. The blue eyed man did not want to interrupt, nor did he want to steal that last moment from them.

He didn't listen to what was said, but he knew Sam was crying.

Dean, pulling the 'tough big brother' face he was used to wear, was probably swallowing back the tears right now.

Cas did not want to watch. He felt very much like crying himself.

He looked up at the sky. It was pale and cloudy, the wind was cool on his skin, in contrast to the usual warm breeze of summer. It almost looked like the weather was accommodating to their moods.

The air was sharp as Castiel inhaled, throwing one last look at the city that had welcomed him, protected him and saved him when he had needed it. The same city that had also hunted him down and threatened to kill him. This city he still could not help but cherish.

He had come here burdened with his struggles and his heavy heart. With his nightmares and haunting memories.

He was leaving with the man who had caught him during his fall and chased away every ghost of his past. He was leaving with hope and expectations for the future.

This place and the people who lived there, were special. They had changed his life.

Now, he was leaving that life behind, looking for a shelter he may never find, hoping for a new existence he hoped would be less stained than the first.

As he looked in the distance, he could see smoke coming out of some chimneys. He recognized the bakery and felt his eyes prickle.

Rufus had to be starting the furnace and baking the dough by himself.

Cas didn't really want to leave, but he really didn't want to die either.

He heard Dean and Sam coming, talking amongst themselves, "You take good care of you, huh?" Dean told Sam as Cas turned around to watch them.

Sam nodded tears drying on his cheeks. "Y-yeah. I will."

"Damn, I hate leaving you like this. If dad's drunk one day, lock yourself up in the room and don't come out until he’s calmed down, understood?"

Sam nodded solemnly at Dean and murmured, "Understood."

Cas felt a surge of guilt overwhelm him. Sam was not safe. Dean would not be here to protect him anymore and it was all his fault. If he hadn't entered Dean’s life. Dean wouldn't have to leave. He would be safe, live his life without the risk of being arrested for conspiracy..

Cas had doomed him to leading a nomadic lifestyle.

When Sam and Dean turned to him again, Cas had to do his best not to cry and apologize for his existence.

Sam smiled at him sadly and walked to him, “I'm gonna miss you Cas. Take care of yourself.”

Cas nodded. His throat was too tight for him to speak. He knew his voice would break.

“I hope you and my brother find a nice and safe place to settle in.” Sam added.

Cas nodded again and forced out, “I-I will miss you too.” He admitted, his voice small, and Sam pulled him into a tight hug.

He could feel the youngest Winchester's body tremble against his own and he knew he was crying.

Cas felt worse every second, “I'm sorry...” He whispered.

“It's not your fault. Cas, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Sam reassured him.

The blue eyed boy strongly disagreed. He had everything to be sorry for.

“I just want you two to be all right, okay?” Sam whispered and patted Cas' back before pulling away from the hug and wiping his tears away. “Be careful, and good luck...”

Cas smiled at Sam sadly. Dean closed his eyes and fought back the feelings threatening to flood him.

“We will be. Thank you for everything, Sam.” Cas said.

Sam nodded and watched as Dean grabbed the two horses' reins ladened with their meager belongings and lead them to Faynel's gate, leading outside of the city. Cas followed him with one last look at Sam.

It was over now, there was no going back.

As soon as Dean and Cas walked past the gates, the angel allowed himself to breathe again.

The air was cool on his skin, almost sharp. It made him shiver, and it confirmed that none of this was a dream. It was all very real.

“Okay... You ready Cas?” Dean said after he cleared his throat, probably to chase away any hint of weakness from his voice.

Cas wasn't ready. Then again, he didn't think he ever would be, so he nodded.

“I know it's not easy... Leaving all this. It's not easy for me either.” Dean started. “It's for the best though, you know that. Besides, we're together.”

The hunter smiled warmly and looked up at the doors behind them. They were huge and dark, and they looked like they were going to close forever behind them the second they got on those horses.

The town, seen from outside, looked very small. Almost vulnerable and insignificant, when the whole world was open and here for them to explore.

Just in front of Castiel, a small path snaked and disappeared in the woods. To his right, welcoming plains were stretching as far as he could see, dotted by little villages, much smaller than Faynel. Far in the distance, he could perceive dark, threatening mountains, reaching out towards the sky.

Dean didn't seem near as moved by the sight as Cas was. The angel had never seen anything like this, and they weren't even gone yet.

“I didn't think it was possible to be jealous of a landscape.” Dean joked.

Cas frowned and turned to him, confused. Then he understood. He had been staring at everything around him with unconcealed wonderment. Cas smiled and gave Dean a gentle slap on the shoulder.

“I know how you feel Cas.” Dean added. “The first time I left the town, I could barely stay in place. Everything just looked so big, so unreachable. Then, my dad brought us in each one of his trips... It kinda became boring after a while. Me and Sammy were very young, we just wanted to settle down and get back home.”

Cas understood. A life on the road was no life for children. Especially since he guessed John took them with him after Mary died. They had to be completely disoriented to see their daily routines shattered by the fact that they didn't come home often.

“I'm sorry...” Cas whispered.

Dean grinned at him knowingly, “It's fine. At least I saw some pretty awesome shit. I'm going to show you so many great things too, you'll see.” He promised. “Now, how about you hop on that horse, huh?”

Cas gulped but got closer to the horse, laying a tentative hand on its neckline and looking at Dean hesitantly.

“Wait,” Dean said, as he moved to help Cas climb on the horse, “here you go. Hey, you look amazing up here.”

Cas chuckled shyly when he saw Dean's grin and took the reins of his horse when the hunter handed them to him.

“So this is easier than you think. You just have to apply a light pressure on her flanks with your heels. She's great, you don't even need to press too hard.” Dean explained as Cas tried and the mare started walking.

“Uh... Dean?” Cas asked, turning his head to look at his boyfriend as they were slowly walking away from him.

Dean simply laughed. “It's fine. Keep the reins tight so she doesn't do whatever she wants, or stops to eat when you're walking, okay? Now, lead her to me. Just open your arm and she will turn around.”

Cas took a deep breath and did as he was told and the horse turned without protest. He came back to Dean who told him to lean back in the saddle to stop her.

The mare stopped on the first try.

“Is that all there is to do?” Cas inquired, surprised that riding a horse could be so easy.

“Pretty much yeah.” Dean confirmed, “Well, for you at least. I gave you the easiest horse I could find. Considering we have a lot of miles to cover I had to make sure she'd listen to you. Mine is not as easy. It's fine though, I've ridden horses before.”

Cas watched as Dean mounted on his own horse, “Yours is named Athena by the way. Sam chose the name, he read it somewhere or something. It's a war goddess I think, I thought it was cool and badass so I let him name her.”

Cas smiled and looked down at the mare, gently patting her nape. “Well, hello Athena.”

Dean huffed as his horse swerved brutally, visibly more difficult than Cas'. “Wow, easy...”

When Dean's horse finally calmed down, the hunter turned to Cas again, taming his stallion at the same time. He made him turn around Cas for a while, until he was sure he listened to him completely. “This one is Fuego. It means fire... I think. I guess they called him like that 'cause he's impetuous and obstinate.”

“I can see that.” Cas chuckled softly as the horse yawed and Dean had to keep the reins even tighter to lead him where he wanted to go.

“He'll get used to it.” Dean assured. “I think he just wants to run. Why don't we give him what he wants? What do you think?”

“Y-you want the horses to run?” Cas asked with wide eyes, panicking a bit at the idea.

“Of course, we ain't gonna get far if we just walk. We'll be at Ors' borders in approximately... A month.” Dean laughed. “If we alternate, we'll only need a few days. They can't canter all the time, they'd be exhausted, and we need to take some narrow roads so nobody notices us, they'd break a leg if they ran.”

“Oh...” Cas breathed out, looking down at his horse, “I don't want them to get hurt.”

“They won't. We'll take care of them. We need them as much as they need us anyway. So, how about we start running?”

“Dean I'm not sure...”

“Hey, hey... You know I'm here. We got this.” Dean said, showing him a horsewhip. “I won't use it if I don't need to, but if Athena gets carried away, I'll be able to do something for you. So don't worry, I got you.”

“Okay...” Cas nodded, reassured. “What do I do?”

“You make her move forward and you apply more pressure with your heel until she jogs, then you break into a canter. Then you hold on tight. I'm here don't worry. I'm sure you'll be a very good rider by the end of the day.”

Cas shook his head with a smile. He wasn't sure about him being a good rider one day.

“Come on.” Dean said as Fuego started to walk.

Cas pressed his heels to Athena's flanks and she went after the other horse. Cas was nervous. He was scared he would fall if they broke into a canter, but when Dean gave him that reassuring smile. Cas knew he had nothing to fear.

When the mare started to jog, Cas did his best to control her as well as his bubbling emotions. Dean's horse ran past them and Cas sped up.

At first, anxiety overwhelmed him and he thought about asking Dean to stop. Then he saw that the green eyed boy was grinning at him, not really looking in front of him, completely relaxed, and Cas calmed down.

He found that settling in the saddle and following the horse's movements was the best thing to do here. They were running fast, the wind was brushing over Cas' face, tousling his hair. It was cold, but it felt good.

All around him, the world was opening up, welcoming him. He wasn't trapped. He was free.

They ignored the twisted path leading to the forest, they were heading towards the lowlands which seemed to roll further away the closer they got. The sky was gray, but the sun peered through the clouds far in the distance. Its rays seemed to rain on the valleys beneath. Cas was speechless, drunk on all the beauty. The cool air on his skin reminded him how alive he was. His jacket flapping behind him reminded him of wings. He felt like he was flying.

He couldn't remember the last time he grinned that wide.

Their old life was disappearing so fast behind them, possibilities were right ahead. They were running away, but it felt like they were just moving on to something better.

“So, how does it feel?” Dean yelled, slowing down a little so his stallion ran by Castiel's side.

“So good… so incredibly good!” Cas exclaimed, with a happy chuckle.

“Told ya!”

Indeed, it had been a very long time since Castiel had felt so good. The pressure had left his shoulders. The stresses and the fears were replaced by euphoria and hope. Of course, they were still going to face many dangers and it would not be easy, but at least, they would be together. Even if the threats were going to be invisible and ready to strike in the dark, Cas and Dean would be ready to take on them. They would be fine.

 

* * *

 

 

When the night fell, they had barely reached the edge of the Woods of Mirages. They were midway to their final destination, which wasn't exactly clear right now. They knew they had to find a little village by Ors' territory's border. It had to be small enough not to arouse suspicion, and yet big enough for them to find a house.

Dean had called it a night when they had first started to see giant trees cut the plains in two.

The Winchester had been there once before. He remembered it perfectly, and he hated this place. It was full of unexpected things. Those woods were enchanted, or cursed.

Dean had been thinking about it all day. He hated that they had to cross them.

“Dean? Is everything alright?” Cas asked softly. He had dismounted and was now calmly rubbing Athena's neck.

Dean blinked a few times to get out of his thoughts and nodded. “Yeah, fine.” He hopped off the horse too and attached Fuego to the closest tree. Cas did the same thing with Athena and walked to Dean.

“You were right, riding a horse feels amazing,” The angel admitted with a smile. “but my back and my rear hurt.”

“Oh yeah? Because of the horse or because of me?” Dean asked, smirking.

Cas rolled his eyes and chuckled, “I'm not talking to you anymore.” He turned around with an amused grin on his lips.

“Sure you are. You can't stop talking to me.”

“Oh can't I?”

“Nope. You wouldn't last five minutes.”

Cas looked at him and raised an eyebrow, a playful expression on his face. “Alright, you'll see.”

Dean laughed and went after him, wrapping his arms around Cas' waist and pulling him close, until his back was flushed to Dean's chest. “So, are you not talking to me right now?”

Cas shook his head, biting his lip to repress a smile.

Dean kissed his neck gently, “Although I'm sure there are plenty of things you want to say.”

Cas still didn't answer but reflexively tilted his head to the side so Dean could run his lips on every inch of the tender skin of Cas' neck.

“I'm sure you want to talk about how great it is that we're alone, just the two of us. You want to tell me that I'm brilliant because leaving was my idea.”

Cas chuckled and turned around to look at Dean. He still didn't say anything.

“So? We're just going to eat silently and then go to bed, and I'll have to pretend you're mute? Please Cas don't do this to me.”

Cas rolled his eyes again and shook his head.

Dean grinned. “What are you thinking right now?”

Cas leaned in and brushed his lips against Dean's. “I love you.” He whispered and Dean slid his hand in his hair to press their lips together.

The kiss tasted of hope and sunlight, Dean thought he would never be able to let go. Cas pulled away when he ran out of breath.

“I love you too.” Dean grinned.

The rest of the evening was light and hearty. They ate in front of a handmade fire and talked about everything they were going to do when they found a new place to stay. Dean never once talked about the Woods of Mirages. He figured he had time to explain, they would only leave in the morning.

Besides, he didn't want to break Cas' good mood.

It had been a while since he saw the younger boy with such a bright smile plastered on his face. Even longer since he last saw him live and enjoy everything so fully, like he didn't have a care in the world.

Everything felt fine before they went to bed.

The atmosphere changed as night enveloped their makeshift camp. The darkness blanketed every light around, The only light left was their little firecamp. Dean and Cas had risen the tent before so they wouldn't be surprised by the dark. It turned out to be a good idea.

Dean immediately noticed a change in Cas' behavior. He was tense and anxious. Fully understanding what it meant for them to be completely alone, in a world they did not know. Everything could happen and nobody would ever even know about it.

The hunter did his best to reassure him as he extinguished their fire camp. “Cas, we're going to be fine. Besides, it's only a few nights. Soon we'll have a proper bed and a proper house, with boring neighbors and all that. A normal life.”

Cas nodded, visibly unconvinced. Dean guessed the angel didn't want to show him how uncomfortable he really felt.

Dean knew though, because he knew Castiel enough to understand that. Being alone like that, exposed and vulnerable, it probably reminded him of the day he escaped his village.

“Come here,” Dean said and Cas complied.

They entered the tent and slipped into their sleeping bags. Dean opened them both so they could share them and snuggle up to each other. Cas nestled against Dean's side and the hunter wrapped his arm around him. He kept him close all night.

They didn't get much sleep that night. There were noises, the wind was whistling against their tent, shaking it violently. The cold managed to sneak through all the layers they were wearing, and their blankets. Cas and Dean shuddered all night and pressed against each other, seeking for body warmth. Castiel's hot, quivering breath against the bare skin of Dean's neck warmed him up as much as it made him shiver for reasons other than the cold.

Several times, Dean thought they wouldn't make it to Ors' borders. Several times, he thought they wouldn't even make it through the night.

They were close to the Woods and they could hear creaking, a weird humming coming from the depths of the forest. Almost like it was singing, chanting, keening. It frightened Dean to the bone.

He did his best to reassure Castiel though. He told him it was usual in the lands, that there was nothing to worry about.

Yet, the more he thought of the next night, the more he was scared. He never showed it but he knew they would have to spend at least one night in the Woods of Mirages. He was less and less sure they would make it.

He didn't tell Cas. He knew he would feel guilty for putting them in danger although he had nothing to do with this. Leaving had been Dean's decision and he was far from thinking he was brilliant for taking it.

They made it through the night.

When they got out of their tent, the pit where they had made a fire was nothing but a memory. The wind had wiped everything clean. It was good, in a way. If anyone was following them, they would have trouble finding their trail.

They had to eat a cold breakfast, all the while folding the tent and the sleeping bags. Dean insisted that they had to hurry, that they had to get in and out of these woods as fast as possible.

“What is it Dean? What is in there?” Cas enquired anxiously as he packed his stuff and attached everything to Athena's back.

Obviously, he had seen Dean's own nervousness, even though he tried to hide it.

Dean sighed. “It's nothing Cas... Just a place full of stories and myths.”

“What kind of myths?”

“The kind that you don't want to hear.”

“The kind that kept us awake last night?” Cas asked, his eyebrow raised.

“Yeah... That kind. I've been here once. I'm not dead, so don't worry.”

“Dean please, I just want to know where we're going and if it's dangerous. What did you see when you came here?”

Dean shuddered slightly at the memory. “Crossing those woods isn't really pleasant... but it's not impossible. We'll make it, but only if we go now. I'll tell you everything as we walk.”

Cas nodded and untied his horse.

They mounted and quietly stepped into the forest. For several minutes, none of them said anything. Cas was busy trying to imagine what could possibly be in those woods that Dean was so scared to share and Dean was wondering what he could tell Cas not to scare him too much.

“Okay Cas, so this place is called the Woods of Mirages. There's a reason to that. Apparently, there are uh...” Dean hesitated. “There are things living here. Things that are not quite human.”

“What are they then? Angels? Demons? Leviathans?”

“No. Not at all. They're more like... Creatures. They don't get out of these woods. You can't reason with them, you can't talk to them. You can probably find a way to kill them but they're very dangerous. The wisest thing to do is probably to run for your life if you see one.”

Cas frowned, instinctively holding his reins tighter. “What do they look like?”

“They're not all the same. Some will look almost humans, like complete strangers or people you used to know. It's a place of illusions, you can't trust anything in there.” Dean instructed with a movement of the hand, pointing at everything around them. “There are also spirits... Usually, we find them in the mountains, but those woods are special, they're haunted. Those spirits are called wendigos.”

Cas looked around, anxious. “They can't find us, can they?”

Dean looked down. Scaring Cas was the last thing he wanted to do, but he owed him the truth. “They probably already know we're here.”

“What are we going to do then?”

“Pretend we don't know they are here.”

 

* * *

 

Cas felt nervous. He kept looking around, listening to every sound, observing every tree, every rock. He knew Dean was anxious too not because he kept looking behind them, but because he made sure to ride right beside Cas, so close their legs sometimes bumped into each other. He didn't say anything about Cas being silent and so visibly tense.

The angel thought the forest could have been beautiful, if he hadn't known what inhabited it. Without Dean's words floating around, oppressing him and making the air heavy with fear, the woods looked like any other.

Cas had always loved nature. When he looked up, he could see the sun, not very high in the sky, barely hidden by the leafless antlers of the trees. The forest's floor was painted of different shades of brown and orange, the dead leaves forming a carpet of colors. Some were red, some were yellow, some were still almost green.

The forest was also made of huge pines, even sitting on Athena, Cas had the impression they could touch the sky. They made the Woods dense and the angel wondered how Dean even knew where they were going.

They had walked past crossroads many times and Dean hadn't hesitated once on which path to take. The whole place felt like a maze.

Underneath its peaceful appearance though, Cas could feel that something was different. Something that wasn't at all like the little forest at Faynel's border.

He felt like someone was watching them, following them silently, observing. He felt like something was constantly behind them, making up plans, deciding when to attack, determining how to take them by surprise.

It was probably why Dean looked behind his shoulder all the time. He had the same feeling.

Cas heard a branch crack beside them and tensed immediately. He held his breath and slowly turned his head to look.

He stopped Athena.

Less than five feet from him, stood his brother Gabriel.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas can't believe his eyes. His brother is standing in front of him, smiling and alive. But is it really him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters! More than 50k words! Let's celebrate! :P  
> I wanted to tell you guys that this story is probably going to be very long, we're only half way, I think. I can't tell you exactly how many chapters there are going to be, because I don't even know myself but I'm sure it will probably have a little over 100k words.  
> This journey is a long one and your support means a lot! I probably would have stopped writing a long time ago if it weren't for you leaving amazing reviews (I'm looking at you Mirob) and showing me your support almost every day. Thank you soooo much! My beta, Nevermoreheaven is also helping me immensely, because trust me, those chapters wouldn't look nearly as good if she didn't correct them before I post them. By the way, you should totally check her work!  
> Anyway, here you go, and thank you all once more!
> 
> Enjoy!

For a moment, Cas couldn't believe what he was seeing. He could have sworn his heart stopped beating in his chest. His lungs stopped taking in air. He couldn't breathe.

 

“Cas?” Dean called, stopping as well when he noticed that Castiel wasn't following him anymore.

 

The angel didn't answer. He couldn't talk. Gabriel was smiling up at him. He was dressed the exact same way he was the day he died. He had a wooden sword in his hand. It was the sword he had used to disarm Cas. He hadn't changed one bit.

 

Cas dismounted and Dean immediately lead Fuego to him. “Wait! Cas, what are you doing?”

 

Castiel still didn't answer. Dean's words seemed to reach him as if they were coming through a veil, he barely even heard them.

 

“Gabe?” Cas asked weakly, his voice small, it was almost a whisper.

 

“Hey baby bro.” Gabriel grinned, dropping his sword and opening his arms in an invitation.

 

Cas didn't pause to think and ran to him, ignoring Dean's alarming yell.

 

He melted into his brother's embrace, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him. “Oh Gabe... I have missed you so much...” Cas cried.

 

He felt good here with Gabriel, who he had thought was gone forever. He felt so good, he almost didn't want to leave this place. He forgot why they were here. He forgot how they had gotten here. Most importantly, he forgot who he had come here with.

 

Gabriel held him tight, chuckling warmly. “I've missed you too little brother. What do you say we get back home?”

 

Cas nodded, tears now freely falling from his eyes. He didn't know why he was crying anymore. Everything was fine now, right? He never lost his brother. Anna would be waiting for them in their house with their parents. It was all just a terrible nightmare.

 

“I... Please I want to go home...” Cas sobbed.

 

He was back to being a young child. A thirteen year old on whom life had not yet left any scars. He felt safe with his brother. Surrounded by his family. Tonight, they would all gather in front of a hot meal. Gabriel, Anna and him would talk about everything they would do tomorrow.

 

Castiel didn't hear Dean call him.

 

When Gabriel chuckled again, he didn't notice that his laughter had darkened. He didn't feel his grip tighten impossibly around him.

 

He was safe.

 

He felt weaker and weaker, pain throbbing along his back where his brother dug his fingers into his skin.

 

It was fine.

 

Suddenly, someone pulled him back sharply and Cas couldn't hold back his horrible yelp of pain.

 

What hurt wasn't the fact that he fell on the forest's floor numbly. What hurt was that he could now clearly feel blood dripping down his back, and the pain was stabbing.

 

He took a sharp, surprised breath as he looked up. For a few terrible seconds, Castiel couldn't remember who the man standing in front of him was. When it hit him though, he thought his head was going to explode, that he was going to die right then and there for being so stupid.

 

“Dean?” Was all he managed to stutter.

 

Dean didn't pay him any attention and focused on Gabriel.

 

His brother didn't look much like his brother anymore. His face was misshapen, his lips twisted in an horrible rictus. His eyes were cruel and cold. He was so pale, he looked dead.

 

Castiel realized who he was.

 

He felt nausea arise within him when he thought that he hugged this creature. That he had been convinced that it was his brother.

 

He was utterly disgusted with himself and he felt like he had just jumped off a cliff and hit concrete. The illusion had felt so good. Now it was broken and it felt horrible.

 

He watched as Dean brandished a weird iron bar that he had pulled out of a bag they had brought with them. He gained momentum before hitting Gabriel with it. Cas felt too empty to protest. He opened wide eyes when the bar went right through his brother's body who vanished in the air.

 

Dean quickly turned to Cas and squatted in front of him. “You okay? Tell me you're okay...”

 

He looked truly worried and Castiel still felt too dazed and disenchanted to answer, so he nodded.

 

Dean helped him up and the angel couldn't hold back a whine as he felt more blood dripping down his back. It was hot against his cool skin, and it didn't have time to dry, because there was always more coming. The wound was probably open.

 

Dean looked at Cas with all the concern of the world and lead him to Athena. “I'm sorry baby... We can't stop here. Not now. I didn't kill him. I made him angry but he's gonna come back...”

 

Cas gulped and nodded. He didn't want the ghost to come back. Not ever. He had had enough. He got on the horse without protest and tried to smile reassuringly at Dean every time he looked at him.

 

Dean seemed to fear he would fall off his horse at any second. Cas held on and pretended not to be affected by what had just happened.

 

In reality, he felt like crying and giving up. Breaking out of his illusion had left him empty and devastated. He didn't understand how he could have fallen in such a simple trap in the first place. Dean had told him not to trust anything. He had warned him about everything.

 

Castiel had still been tricked so quickly. It was completely shameful how easily.

 

He didn't understand how he could have blacked out so completely. How he could have been so blind? How he could have forgotten Dean and their goal.

 

For what felt like forever, they rode in the forest in silence. Cas was lost in his somber thoughts. His head hanging low not to risk seeing anything out of the ordinary again.

 

Dean was on his guard and he kept checking on Castiel.

 

After a few miles, the hunter stopped them and hopped off his horse. He helped Cas get down too.

 

Castiel felt like he had been ran over by a herd of horses. The pain on his back was sharp and he could feel that he was still bleeding. He didn't realize how weak he was until his feet touched the ground.

 

If Dean hadn't been here to hold him up Castiel would have collapsed.

 

Carefully, Dean sat him down on the floor.

 

“I'm sorry...” Cas whispered, with a hoarse voice. “I shouldn't have...”

 

“Shh...” Dean soothed him, kissing his forehead. “You're okay now. We're fine.”

 

He lifted Cas' pullover up and the angel heard him hold his breath when he saw the wounds.

 

“Is it bad?” Cas enquired weakly, feeling incredibly tired.

 

“It's not good... I never saw anything like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“He was... Cas, it looks like he was looking for your wings.”

 

Castiel could hear the wince in Dean's voice. The ghost had scratched his back as hard as he could to pull his wings out, thankfully without success.

 

Cas shuddered at the thought.

 

Everything felt strangely heavy and tiring. Keeping his eyes open was exhausting.

 

“Hey, don't you dare pass out on me.” Dean warned, with obvious anxiousness.

 

“Am I going to die?”

 

“What? No! Of course you're not going to die!” Dean promised, holding him tight. “You just have to hold on. I'll stop the bleeding.”

 

He did stop the bleeding. He sacrificed one of his shirts to do so, but he did.

 

By the time Dean was done, Castiel had closed his eyes. He found that staying on the edge of consciousness helped ignoring the pain.

 

He barely felt it when Dean shook him by his shoulders, increasingly violently.

 

However, he did feel it when he slapped him.

 

Cas opened wide eyes and stared at the older man incredulously.

 

“Don't you dare leave me Castiel, you hear?” Dean said. His voice was broken and there were tears in his eyes. Cas realized the situation might be worse than he had thought.

 

“I'm... I'm here.” Cas whispered weakly, internally promising himself he would not close his eyes again.

 

Dean hugged him tight, crushing Castiel against his body. If it hadn't been for the pain, Cas would have stayed like that for a moment.

 

He had to pull away with a moan of pain and Dean immediately looked at him guiltily. “Sorry...”

 

Cas shook his head, taking deep shaky breaths. He felt like the whole world was spinning. Like he had been very high and had suddenly come back down. His back was burning, the pain was stifling his senses, but his thoughts and memories were the worst part.

 

His mind kept showing him images of his brother smiling brightly, only to replace them with the horrible creature he had turned into.

 

He knew it was over now.

 

That it had only been an illusion, but he could swear he still heard Gabriel's voice. “Come on little bro, you can do better than that! I didn't think you'd fall for such a stupid trick.”

 

“You're not real! Leave me alone...” Cas whined, burying his face in his hands under Dean's concerned gaze.

 

“Cas, it's over. There's no one here. Just us.” Dean said softly, his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

 

Cas shook his head again. He wanted to ask how he knew. How could he be sure they were out of danger? He was scared he would see Anna next or Gabriel again.

 

He was terrified he would never make it out of these woods. He took a moment to notice he was breathing too fast and short for it to be normal. Dean tried his best to calm him down but even the softest of touches didn't seem to do much.

 

“Baby, please, you're okay... I promise, everything's fine... Just breathe.” Dean instructed.

 

Tears were blurring Cas' vision when he looked up at Dean. He was still breathing heavily, panicking even more at the lack of air in his lungs.

 

The hunter delicately wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back soothingly. He was still talking and Cas had to make a great effort to understand what he was saying. Concentrating on his voice helped a little.

 

“Inhale.”

 

Cas did.

 

“Hold it.”

 

Cas closed his eyes, holding his breath, his head falling on Dean's shoulder.

 

“Exhale.”

 

Cas exhaled shakily, his body finally relaxing. He didn't try to calm down the frantic beating of his heart, but he cleared his mind of any dark thoughts.

 

It felt like he was back to being a very young child once again, in Gabriel's arms protecting him from the dark, from the world. Calming him when he had panic attacks. Except this was not Gabriel, this was Dean.

 

“You're okay...” Dean whispered, trying to convince himself as much as Cas.

 

Cas' breathing was more regular now, the racing of his heart slowed down. He didn't pull away though and Dean didn't either.

 

“You know,” the hunter started, “the first time I came here, I saw my mom.”

 

Cas looked up at him, surprised by the confession.

 

Dean looked away slightly. “Just so you know... I know the feeling.”

 

“What happened?” Cas asked softly.

 

Dean sighed, visibly still moved by the memory. “I ran to her. Didn't wait, didn't think. There was some kind of light coming from her, it felt so warm, so good. It was just so welcoming, I couldn't resist and... I mean, it was my mom.”

 

Cas nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.

 

“Anyway, I almost died. My father saved me... Before giving me the worst scolding of my life.” Dean finished and Cas felt very bad for him.

 

“I'm sorry...” Cas breathed out, holding Dean tighter.

 

“It's okay. At least now I know what to expect from this shitty place.”

 

Dean's swearing brought a small smile to Cas' lips, to which Dean responded immediately with his own.

 

“We should probably get going. The more we travel at day, the less we'll have to stay at night.” Dean finally said after a while.

 

Cas really didn't want to stay here at night. The simple thought made him shiver. Dean was right, they had to get going.

 

 

* * *

 

Keeping his gaze on the road in front of them didn't help Dean hide how anxious he was. Since this morning's incident, he was constantly on edge.

 

He almost lost Cas. Even now, they weren't completely safe. There were still so many risks.  All it would take would be for the wound to get infected, or to reopen.

 

The blue eyed man was riding beside him, staying really close and keeping his eyes down as if Athena's neck was the most interesting thing in the world and deserved all his attention.

 

Dean knew what he was doing. He had been surprised by a vision once, he would not make the same mistake again. There was little to no chance he would see anyone or anything on his horse's neck. That's why he kept staring at it.

 

Dean however, had to stay alert for both of them. The closer night crept, the more nervous he was.

 

He knew wendigos were out at night. He knew this place was already dangerous in daylight, but it was perilous in the dark. Wendigos were good hunters by day, excellent hunters at night. Besides, he and Castiel were easy prey. There were only two of them, Cas was injured and he didn't know how to defeat most of the monsters living in those woods.

 

Dean sighed. God, he hated this place.

 

After a few hours, Dean started to feel tired, his whole body stiff and his back was hurting. He could only guess how bad Castiel felt. He couldn't help but admire his endurance and bravery.

 

The man was injured, had lost a lot of blood, could barely walk. Yet here he was, clenching his jaw and holding on when Dean himself was considering stopping for the night.

 

He was only considering it though. They had to make the best out of the last rays of sunlight. They couldn't spend two nights in those woods. They were strong and Dean had faith in them, but he knew they would never make it out alive. Staying one night was already playing with fire.

 

Dean forced them to continue despite their obvious exhaustion. Cas was paler than ever and wasn't sitting straight. Dean feared he might slide to the side and fall off his horse, but he held up. Athena wasn't making things very easy for him either. She kept stumbling, probably tired from walking all day as they were. Fuego had lost all his fire. Yet, all of them seemed to silently agree to go on for as long as they possibly could.

 

This place was evil and haunted, even the horses seemed to feel that.

 

Darkness was creeping up on them, swallowing every corner of the forest progressively. Dean felt surrounded. The atmosphere was strangely unbearable. Every time he turned his head, all he could see was dark.

 

There were whispers, noises that he knew weren't here before.

 

Things were waking up in the night and Dean could feel cool sweat dribbling down his back.

 

The muddy path in front of them looked like it was heading straight to Hell and the wind had gotten even colder, if that was possible.

 

Squalls were shaking the tip of the trees, howling all around them. The leaves left in the boughs were rustling, giving the impression something was coming at them, getting closer as the gusts grew in power. The carpet of colors had disappeared, replaced by a dark, shadowy ground dotted by spots darker than others. Soon, the moon was their only source of light and when it became too dark to see where they were going, Dean called it a night.

 

Cas started at every noise, from the sudden hoot of an owl to the discreet sound of crickets. Dean wished he could ease his fear, but everything was making him uncomfortable too. The moon was giving the branches and trees a ghastly pallor, the wind -if it was the wind- seemed to pass right next to them, like a ghost, fast and unreachable. Many times Dean turned around quickly, certain he had felt a hand on his shoulder, or a presence behind him.

 

Yet, no matter how much he squinted at the dark, he couldn't make out any form or see anything more than shadows and indistinct shapes. However, he could have sworn some of them were moving.

 

He didn't say anything to Cas though, not wanting to worry him more.

 

Dean hastened to rise the tent. Cas tried to help, but he could barely stand, so Dean sat him on a rock and ordered him not to move.

 

Dean kept a careful eye on his partner, mostly because he was worried for his injury, but also because he was scared something would come out of the woods and take him away forever. They didn't make a fire this time, it would just sign their death warrant. Dean could do without hundreds of monsters around their tent tonight.

 

As soon as he was finished with the tent, he picked up a long branch and started drawing sigils on the ground.

 

“What are you doing?” Cas inquired curiously, tilting his head and watching his every move carefully.

 

“Hunter training.” Dean said. “Teaches you that you're not safe anywhere, and that you have to protect yourself. This should keep most of those things at bay. Especially wendigos.”

 

“Why are wendigos so dangerous? You seem to fear them.”

 

Dean tensed and stopped his drawing. “One of them almost killed my dad.”

 

Cas looked down, visibly saddened that he once again touched a sensitive subject. He didn't ask any details, Dean guessed he didn't really want them. Although the Winchester still remembered what happened because he had been ready to do the exact same mistake as his father.

 

The last time he'd been here, he and John had heard Sam call for help and had immediately run in the direction of the scream. Except Dean had stayed behind to gather some weapons, like his father had commanded him. He had seen Sam come out of the tent, in their camp and he knew the voice had not been his.

 

From that day, he had feared wendigos. Probably more than any other monster. They were fast and quiet. They were vicious and clever. You never hear them approach. You didn't see them until it was too late.

 

They were incredible hunters, maybe better than his father had ever been.

 

Dean shook his head to push away his thoughts and finished what he was doing, being careful to ward the whole perimeter with every protection spell he knew.

 

Once he was done, he turned to Cas, only to find him already half asleep on his rock. Dean smiled softly at the sight and walked to him. “Hey angel, we should go to bed.” He whispered, gently sliding his arm on his back.

 

“ 'We safe?” Cas mumbled sleepily.

 

“Yes we are.” Dean assured, perfectly knowing it was a lie. He didn't mind lying if it meant Cas could get a proper night of sleep.

 

With this, the angel tried to get up but Dean slipped his other arm under his knees before he could and lifted him up. Cas looked up at him in surprise, his eyes a little unfocused from tiredness and smiled.

 

Ignoring the stiffness in his back, Dean carried Cas to bed, laying him down on the floor. He wrapped a sleeping bag around him, making sure the blanket covered every part of his body, then lay down with him.

 

Cas snuggled up to him, too exhausted to worry about the noises around them. He fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

 

Dean did not. He was glad Cas was getting some sleep, he needed rest. But it was impossible for the hunter to close an eye.

 

Many times, he heard screeches, or mournful whistles. Many times he thought he was going to go crazy if he heard anything again. The keening they had heard the night before resounded through the forest tonight as well. It was louder, closer, scarier. Dean had never liked forests at night, but this one definitely overcame all the others.

 

No matter how hard he tried, Dean couldn't find sleep. He kept squeezing Cas closer to his body to reassure himself as much as to warm up the angel.

 

The noises, the darkness felt oppressing. Dean knew Cas had to be extremely tired to sleep here. His injuries probably helped a little too.

 

After a few hours of listening to every sound of the woods, of trying to make some sense out of the scary song, Dean started dozing off. He had slept terribly the night before and fighting sleep now was getting harder and harder. He slowly closed his eyes, nuzzling against Cas. He had stayed awake for a long time and nothing had happened, there was no reason for something to happen now or when he was asleep... Right?

 

When he was about to fall asleep, he realized he felt a breath against his neck. It took him a moment to understand that Cas was in his arms, pressed against his chest and that it could not be him.

 

Dean froze, eyes wide. Suddenly, he felt terrified, imagining everything that could be crouching next to them, in the dark, knowing perfectly he was still awake and waiting for the right moment to jump on them.

 

He imagined dark eyes, snarling teeth, long claws, bloody jaw. He imagined the most horrifying creature a step away from him and his breath hitched.

 

Dean carefully reached for a knife in a sheath he kept next to them when they slept. He pretended to lean closer to Cas, to nuzzle against him. He could have sworn the breath was closer now, colder against his skin.

 

It sent a frightful shiver down his spine. The second his fingers met leather, he got rid of the sheath and spun around, brandishing the knife. He could feel Cas jump in surprise against him, but he was too busy scanning the tent to think about reassuring him.

 

There was nothing in the tent with them. Not anymore at least.

 

The tent shuffled slightly and something grunted. Dean felt his heart race in his chest as he understood that the quick tapping he heard was nothing but footsteps, hastily running away from them.

 

Something had been here, watching, waiting and Dean gulped at the thought. Now, it was returning to the forest's heart, where the hunter knew most monsters lived. If it could be called living.

 

Dean was no fool. He had heard rumors about the core of those woods but he would never care to check if they were true. All he knew was that most of the darkness of this place was gathered there, and it attracted creatures.

 

“Dean?” Cas' sleepy voice called next to him.

 

He sounded worried and tensed, not that Dean could blame him.

 

“It's okay Cas. Go back to sleep.” Dean whispered, still scrutinizing their surroundings.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Just a bad dream. It's fine...”

 

Dean put the knife down on the ground and turned around to be able to look at Cas properly.

 

The obscurity didn't allow him to see Cas' eyes clearly, but he knew they were filled with worry. “I don't like this place...” The angel whispered, as if it was a secret, something he was ashamed to admit.

 

“I don't like it either baby. Honestly, I hate it. We're fine though, I promise. There is no way in hell anything gets past the protection spells I put around the tent.” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas again, trying not to feel too guilty for lying to him. Something had just crossed the sigils without them even noticing. Nothing proved it would not happen again.

 

Dean wrapped the blankets around both of them tightly, making sure he was entirely covered too this time. He felt sick just thinking about the breath on his neck. Sometimes he was sure he could still feel it, but he knew it was just his imagination.

 

It didn't take too long for Cas to fall back asleep, convinced they were safe. Dean, however, spent another hour staring up at the top of their tent.

 

The trees' shadows, dark as raven's plumage, kept moving, reflecting against the tent cloth. The leafless branches reminded Dean of outstretched hands, trying to reach them. Very bony and frightening hands.

 

Every rustle and noise made Dean more anxious, and every blow of wind made him more tense.

 

Eventually, he ended up falling asleep anyway, unable to force his eyes open any longer. The dark seemed to swallow him whole as he closed his eyes, leaving him and Cas exposed, vulnerable, without protection.

 

Nothing happened during the rest of the night, but it only made Dean more alert. This place used their emotions, their fears to play with their mind. He had no doubt it would wait until they both had their guard down to strike.

 

He didn't think they could take any more blows. Cas was already in a pretty bad shape although his wound had stopped bleeding and seemed to be on its way to healing. Dean hadn't even gotten the equivalent of a night of sleep in two.

 

Yet, God knew how short nights were in his book.

 

When they woke up in the morning and slipped out of the sleeping bags to peek outside, Dean thought that if they didn't run into trouble today, it would be a miracle. He actually thought the chances of them making an unpleasant meeting before noon were pretty high.

 

They both froze as soon as they saw what was waiting for them outside.

 

A woman, hunchbacked, was staring at them silently.

 

Dean had no idea how long she had been there. Her eyes were red and unfocused, her hair dishevelled, her clothes ragged and she was breathing heavily.

 

Something strange was emanating from her, something evil. Even Cas, who, in his natural kindness, would normally have rushed to her to ask if she was okay, if she needed anything, was staring at her with wide eyes instead. Not showing any sign of wanting to move closer. Dean certainly didn't blame him. There was something dark and filthy in this person's aura. Something extremely disturbing in the way she was ogling them as if they were a fine piece of meat she was craving to taste.

 

Maybe she really did want to eat them.

 

Dean got confirmation when she opened her mouth and let out a bloodcurdling sound. Something between a snarl and a screech. Her teeth were tipped red and Dean supposed the blood wasn't hers.

 

Damn, he hated being right.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas' journey through the woods continues and they are met with complications.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Once again, I'm sorry that I'm only updating now... It's late, I know and I haven't posted anything in weeks. Considering this story will be very long and that I'm rather busy with school, I can't write all the time but I can promise you that I will finish this story, no matter what! I don't know how long it will take and how many chapters it will have, but I can assure you that I'm not giving up on it.  
> Anyway, time to thank people! First of all, I want to thank my amazing beta, Nevermoreheaven, who corrected this chapter as soon as she got her hands on it. You're amazing! Then, I want to thank Mirob, whose comments really help me find the courage to write even when I can't find my motivation. Thank you so much.  
> So here you go for chapter 11! I'll try to write the 12th faster, I promise. Also, merry Christmas to you all!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy!

Cas stared at the woman in horror. Her expression was scary and she was excessively appalling.

 

When she made a move on them, Dean reacted quickly, reaching back for a knife in the tent. He rushed her. Cas wondered if he knew what kind of creature she was. The angel wanted to help, but he didn't know how. He had no idea how to get rid of the woman. Besides, her human appearance made it harder for him to think about killing her.

 

It did not seem to bother Dean, who jumped on her. She avoided the blow nimbly and snarled. She reminded Cas of a snake, testing its prey and waiting for the right moment to attack.

 

Dean didn't dare trying to stab her again, she was expecting him this time, and it could go as bad for him as it could for her.

 

Cas was scared to interfere, knowing he could only make it worse. Dean could lose the advantage, Cas would be in danger, making Dean want to protect him.

 

Interfering definitely was a bad idea.

 

Dean and the woman kept staring at each other, barely moving, waiting for an opening, a sign of distraction from the other. They both knew only one of them would come out alive, and neither of them seemed ready to give up yet.

 

Cas would have rathered die than let Dean get hurt.

 

But the angel wasn't expecting the woman to glance at him with her red, lifeless eyes. Her face was twisted, but she wasn't smiling, she was glaring, and she looked about to bounce him.

 

Dean hurriedly tried to stab her again, as soon as he saw her target had changed. Except, she knew he was coming this time, only pretending to turn her interest on Castiel to be able to surprise Dean. She knew he would try to help his partner and let his guard down.

 

She squatted and very quickly maneuvered around Dean, grabbing both his arms and pinning them to his sides with a surprising strength.

 

Before Dean could make any move to push her away, she sank her teeth in the skin of his neck.

 

Cas opened wide eyes and rushed out of the tent. "No!"

 

Dean winced and tried to get away, but wiggling only caused him more pain. He groaned and looked at Cas.

 

Dean's face was even paler than before and Cas could read in his eyes all the fear and exhaustion he felt. The angel couldn't tolerate this. Dean being in pain was one of the things he feared the most. All he had ever wanted was for him to be fine. This woman was killing him and Cas was just standing, staring, dumbstruck.

 

That was before he let rage take over.

 

He frowned and growled deeply. "Get away from him..."

 

The woman didn't even deign looking at him and kept sucking Dean's blood. She completely ignored him.

 

Cas let his instinct do the rest. For a moment, he felt like his body didn't even belong to him anymore.

 

Images of death and destruction flashed before his eyes. He saw his village being burned to the ground, his brother telling him to run, giving his life so he and his sister could get out alive. He saw Anna laying lifeless on the ground, with glassy, empty eyes gazing listlessly. He saw the woman on the scaffold, every innocent angel they had killed. He saw Dean dying.

 

Before he even knew it, he was yelling, his voice firm and steady. "I said get away from him!"

 

Despite how busy she was with drinking Dean's blood, the woman froze.

 

Cas raised a hand, his palm facing the woman. If anyone had asked him why he was doing this, he would have been unable to give a proper answer. He didn't really think anymore. Not when Dean's life was at stake. All he knew was that every part of his body was screaming that he had to do something, and his brain felt like it was on fire.

 

All it took was an impulse of anger, a urge to protect the person he loved, and the woman went flying against the closest tree, with so much force that the bark broke under her weight.

 

Cas couldn't have stopped here, even if he had wanted to. He couldn't control his body, or his emotions. He got closer to the woman, who was still pinned to the tree, letting out whines of agony.

 

"I warned you. I told you to leave him alone..." Cas said darkly, his body trembling with rage and hatred towards the creature.

 

She didn't even answer. She snarled at him again. If she had begged for mercy, maybe he would have granted her. Yet, she chose to act like an animal.

 

It made it easier for Castiel to break her neck with a snap of his fingers.

 

She let out one last choked, raspy gasp, and fell limply on the floor. Cas stared at her for a moment, the realization of what he had just done starting to sink in.

 

"Cas?" Dean's voice said, sounding hesitant.

 

Cas was breathing a bit faster now that he understood he had just murdered someone in cold blood and that it had felt like the most natural thing ever. He couldn't look at Dean. Not after that. He wasn't worthy.

 

"Cas..." Dean pressed again, sounding a little steadier. "Is she dead?"

 

Did Castiel really want to answer this question? He guessed he couldn't hide it forever anyway, but he didn't want Dean to be scared of him, repulsed by what he had done, so Cas turned around slowly, looking pitiful.

 

"Yes Dean, she is..." He whispered and looked down. He would not stand to see fear in Dean's eyes, especially if it was directed at him.

 

"Did you cut her hea-..." Dean started but he was cut off by something.

 

Cas needed to see what, so he looked up at him. His heart went crashing down. Dean's eyes really were full of fright and surprise.

 

However, it wasn't directed at him.

 

"Watch out!" The hunter warned, quickly grabbing his knife again and running to Cas.

 

For a minute, the angel thought he was going to kill him. If it was what Dean wanted to do, Cas would let him.

 

Dean didn't kill him. Instead he pushed Cas out of the way and pushed his knife in the woman's throat, who had gotten back up and had positioned herself, ready to jump on Cas from behind.

 

The angel watched as Dean cut off her head in what was supposed to be a swift movement. Yet, his knife was too short and he had to make several tries.

 

Cas thought he was going to be sick.

 

It was something to know that she wasn't human. It was something else to see someone who  _ looked  _ very human get beheaded.

 

Blood was staining Dean's clothes, most of it wasn't his own. Cas felt dirty too, and not only because his coat had been splashed as well. Killing like that, so savagely, felt impure. This whole place made him feel insecure and filthy.

 

Cas' hands were shaking and his head was spinning. It was almost as if using his powers had taken a part of him and drained his energy. Even now, it was asking for more.

 

The angel stared as Dean finished with the woman. He was panting and the wound on his neck was bleeding abundantly. Cas was getting worried.

 

When Dean turned to him though, Cas immediately looked down, unable to stand his gaze.

 

"Hey..." The hunter started, taking a step forward. "Cas, you were amazing. I should have told you though, we need to cut their head off for them to properly die. They're called vampires. Bastards."

 

Cas looked up at Dean, surprised. He didn't sound scared anymore, he didn't even remotely seem surprised. He was looking at him like he always had, as if nothing had changed.

 

"Dean I... I'm not sure what happened." Cas said quietly.

 

Dean grinned, but it looked more like a wince of pain. "Dunno, but damn, it was amazing."

 

"It was scary. I couldn't control it." Cas whispered pitifully.

 

"Like hell you couldn't control it, you saved my life!" Dean exclaimed.

 

Cas nodded although he was still unconvinced. It only made Dean walk to him and touch his arm gently. "Hey Cas, it's fine."

 

The angel sighed and Dean pulled him into his arms. "What is it? C'mon Cas, I know you think you did something wrong, I can see it on your face..."

 

"I... I did. Dean, I snapped that woman's neck and I didn't even feel anything!"

 

"Baby, you killed a monster, it doesn't make you bad."

 

"I'm not sure it would have changed anything if she hadn't been a vampire..."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because she attacked you."

 

Dean smiled. "Aw, that's cute."

 

Cas frowned. "No, Dean. That's not cute." He pulled away from the hunter and looked at the wound on his neck. There wasn't any hunger left in Cas' heart. It had been replaced by care and concern.

 

Once again, he acted instinctively and delicately pressed his hand to Dean's neck. The green eyed man winced but relaxed suddenly.

 

"What are you-..." Dean gasped.

 

Cas' palm was glowing, sending a comforting warmth that spread through Dean's body. When the angel took his hand away, the wound was gone, there wasn't even a drop of blood left on his skin.

 

"The hell?!" Dean exclaimed, lightly touching his neck with his fingers, staring at them with shock when they came back clean. His neck didn't hurt anymore.

 

Cas took a step back, wondering if Dean thought he was abnormal, if he started to fear him.

 

Instead, he looked at him with incredulity mixed with amazement. "Wow Cas, you're... How did you do that?"

 

Cas shook his head. "I don't know... I just didn't want you to be in pain."

 

"Damn you weren't kidding about your powers! First that badass move with the vamp and now magical healing? Fuck, you're amazing!" Dean grinned happily.

 

Cas frowned slightly and cocked his head to the side. "So it doesn't... disturb you?"

 

Dean chuckled. "Man, you can save lives, there's nothing disturbing about that!"

 

"But I killed that woman..." Cas protested, feeling worse and worse about himself.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. "God, that's what's bothering you? So first of all, you did it to save my sorry ass, I would have done the exact same thing for you without hesitation. Second, she wasn't even human. Finally, I cut her head off, technically  _ I  _ killed her."

 

The angel couldn't help but smile a little at Dean's attempt to make him feel less guilty.

 

Dean grinned when he noticed his words had some effect after all. "See, this is something I like to see." He cupped Cas' face with one hand and rubbed his thumb on his cheek.

 

“You have to stop worrying so much.” Dean said. “We're surrounded by bad things lately and you are... You are doing miracles. Your powers are one of the only good things that happened to us in a long time. Let's not complain, alright?”

 

Cas nodded. He had to admit that Dean was right in a way.

 

“I hate to break it to you but I think we should get going. I am  _ not  _ spending another night in that fucking place.” The hunter added after a moment, letting go of Cas' cheek.

 

They hurried to gather their stuff, to dismantle the tent and to get back on their horses. Dean and Cas both knew that if they wasted time, they were done for. The few monsters that hadn't been able to cross their protecting spells last night had had time to study them at least. There was no doubt there wouldn't be much left of their tent -or their bodies for that matter- to find in the morning if they happened to spend another night in the woods.

 

Once they started walking, Cas finally took some time to look around.

 

It was still pretty dark, the sun was just rising in the distance, painting the sky with light orange. It was beautiful. The shapes of the mountains afar, shadows contrasting with the warm light of the rising day.

 

Above their heads, the moon was still bright. The polar star the only star left in the sky. The clouds, dark and in very little number were giving Castiel the impression the world was suddenly in two dimensions. Only shadows and light, landscapes and shapes.

 

Castiel was glad such a sight was offered to them in the morning. After such a tough night, they deserved to see something like that.

 

The wind was still cool and no matter how tight Cas tried to wrap himself in his coat, the cold seemed to get right through his clothes, freezing him to the core.

 

He shivered, wishing he could snuggle against Dean to warm up. Athena was already sharing some of her body heat with him, but the air was too cold for it to be enough. Cas sighed, his breath creating a little cloud of mist. It was going to be a long day and they absolutely had to get out of those woods.

 

Cas hadn't said anything to Dean, but he felt exhausted. They had just woken up and yet, he felt like he could sleep for a week. He thought he knew the reason of his tiredness and if he was right, he could definitely not tell Dean about it. Using his powers apparently came with a price.

 

They rode quietly for a while. Dean was unusually silent and looked tense. Cas wanted to ask if something was wrong but he knew he wouldn't really get an answer.

 

Around them, the forest was slowly waking up. The frightening whispers of the night replaced by soft rustling of leaves. The Woods of Mirages were always characteristically soundless except for the wind and creatures living in them. There was no bird song, no calming buzz of running water, no flap of wings above their heads.

 

The floor was covered of a thin, white fog, snaking through the trees like a predator tightening its grip on its prey, squeezing to choke it. Castiel felt oppressed and insecure. The trees roots were barely visible anymore. Fuego's legs, walking in front of Athena were slowly swallowed by the mist. It was rising and Cas really did not want to think about how this place would look with thick and dense fog, making it impossible to see, hiding the path beneath them and all the monsters between the trees.

 

They had to get out of here as soon as possible.

 

Dean seemed to have come up with the same decision.

 

"We should hurry." He said, pushing his heels into Fuego's flanks to make him jog.

 

Breaking into a canter here was too dangerous. The visibility was far from good and the path was narrowed.

 

Cas internally prayed that Athena wouldn't stumble on a rock hidden by the mist. He tried to sit in his saddle in rhythm with Athena's pace but it was rather uncomfortable. Athena herself didn't seem to want to go too fast without knowing where she laid her hooves.

 

Cas felt like they were walking on a cloud. Except this cloud was rising and had now reached the horses' knees.

 

The angel wondered what would be left of them if the fog ultimately managed to swallow them whole. He had no doubt all the creatures lurking in the dark would not miss such an occasion to slaughter them.

 

Dean seemed to grow nervous as well and kept looking around.

 

Soon, the fog got so high, Athena's head was the only part of her body left to see. If Cas' legs had disappeared too, his anxiousness hadn't.

 

He focused on his mare's pace, trying not to get too nervous. Beside him, Dean suddenly straightened up on his saddle. “Look!” He exclaimed, pointing right in front of them. “We're almost there! I can see fields in the distance! We're almost out!”

 

Cas' heart started to race in his chest in hope. They were almost out. Yet, this temporary relief didn't last very long.

 

As soon as Dean had finished talking, almost as if the woods had heard him, things started to move around them. The branches whispered, closing in on them. The forest was trying to keep them in.

 

Cas really thought he was going to have another panic attack at the thought. What if they could never leave this place? What if it kept them here forever?

 

He didn't have much time to think though, because a lot of things happened really fast. He saw Dean pull out a rifle the moment he noticed something jump above them.

 

“Wendigos!” Dean warned, now holding the reins with one hand, trusting Fuego to run away from danger.

 

Cas tensed, knowing how dangerous they were. For now, all he could see were blurry shapes jumping from one tree to the other at impressive speed. The trees shuddered under their weight and the branches clashed against each other and broke with a sinister noise.

 

The angel reflexively pressed Athena's flanks a little more. The horse, ears back and flat on her head, hurried to comply and sped up.

 

Suddenly, Fuego swerved brutally in front of Athena, almost knocking Dean over his back. Cas gasped when he saw what had caused that reaction.

 

In front of him, staring at them with red and bloody eyes, stood something that barely looked human. It wasn't standing upright and was so scrawny its skin seemed to lay directly on its bones. Cas could have sworn there wasn't even any skin on some of the bones of its torso, the wounds gaping but barely bleeding, as if it were already long dead and had been resurrected by very dark and dreadful witchcraft. Its arms were way too long to be proportional to the rest of its body. It had claws instead of nails, and blood was trickling from them. It looked too much like a disarticulated body for Castiel's liking.

 

Its head was terrifying. Its nose looked like it had been teared out of its face. It was almost hairless, and was covered in scars. Some wounds were still opened, rotting and looked in no haste to heal. Cas was sure they couldn't heal anymore, similar to dead mens injuries, staying open until the skin slowly starts to decay.

 

Mouth hanging open, revealing two ranks of ghoulish, dark teeth, it let out an otherworldly shriek. It send a putrid smell in Cas' direction although he was standing a few feet away from it. The flesh of its cheeks was ripped and tattered. Its jaw opened too wide, as if the bones were broken and the creature was no longer following any natural rule. It was alive when it was supposed to be long dead. The bones of its neck creaked when it turned its head to look at Castiel, freezing him in indescribable fear.

 

Frozen in a gruesome rictus, the monster's lips were stretched around its teeth, unable to close its mouth anymore. Castiel couldn't help but think that the wendigo looked a lot like an even more foetid version of a walking and putrefying carrion.

 

Its eyes, glassy and empty, focused on Castiel for what felt like ages. It was like looking straight into a black hole, where you could see nothing but desolation and misery. Cas could have sworn he heard hair-raising screams of its last victims, that he could see all the horrors it had done during its unnaturally long life and the angel knew that very few people came out of those woods alive after crossing paths with a wendigo. He at least knew that the memory of this vision would haunt his nights for quite a while.

 

If Dean hadn't shot the beast in the neck, Castiel would probably have been ripped apart.

 

“Run!” Dean yelled, kicking his horse into a canter.

 

The creature screeched and disappeared in a second, jumping back in a tree. How it did not die after Dean's attack, Castiel didn't know, but it looked very much alive when it tried to swipe Dean off his horse.

 

Cas reacted on instinct, once again. He raised his hand and shouted, “No!” before using his grace and sending the wendigo crash against the nearest tree. The angel's ears started to ring immediately after that and his eyelids felt heavy, but he did his best to stay concentrated. Dean was shouting at him to go faster.

 

The closer they got to the forest's edge, the louder were the screeches and the more numerous were the creatures. The wendigo Cas had pushed away had unsteadily gotten back up and had disappeared again in a few seconds.

 

It didn't take long for Cas to understand that there was more than one wendigo around. It was hard to determine exactly how many they were, but the angel counted at least three. They were moving so fast, it looked like there were dozens of them.

 

Cas knew that if they let their guard down for a second they would die. Panic seized him at the thought. He didn't want to die. Not like that. More importantly, he did not want Dean to die.

 

The wendigos, even in small number, were surrounding them, observing, waiting for an opportunity to eat them alive. Cas was terrified and he knew he would have given anything in exchange for a way out of this place.

 

When an unusually close shriek resounded next to them, Cas saw Fuego rear with a neigh of fear. Dean yelped and fell off his back.

 

“Dean!” Cas cried, paralysed in horror.

 

The angel didn't think and stopped Athena. The mare snorted, flapping her tail nervously, visibly reluctant to follow Cas' order. She stopped anyway and turned around when Cas made her.

 

He stared at the spot he had last seen Dean. He was gone.

 

Or he couldn't see him anymore. The fog was so thick now, he wouldn't even have known if Dean had been laying on the floor right in front of him.

 

He couldn't see  _ anything _ anymore. The trees around him were nothing but scary shadows and branches didn't seem to be moving no more.

 

That's when he noticed it. The  _ silence _ . Even thicker than the fog.

 

The rustling of the leaves had ceased. The screeches could not be heard anymore. Even the wind had stopped blowing.

 

It was as if the world had stopped and time was frozen. Castiel was trapped in a white, sealed Hell.

 

And he had just lost everything.

 

Now that he was here, stuck in this horrible situation, he realized that the silence was the worst noise of them all. It was a faithful representation of his feelings though. Quiet and empty.

 

Almost as if everything had been erased in a second. All it had taken was a startled horse and a fall.

 

Dean had been here to catch Castiel when he had fallen and Castiel had just let Dean crash.

 

He felt like nothing was worth it anymore, like even the forest had decided to turn its back on him, leaving him alone with his remorses and crushed feelings.

 

“Dean?” He called hesitantly, his voice shaking.

 

Nothing answered but the overwhelming and deafening sound of his heart, hammering in his chest. He felt like crying and giving up all at once.

 

“Dean!” Cas tried again, yelling this time.

 

Nothing.

 

The angel's breath quickened as panic took entire possession of him.

 

He heard something creak next to him. He turned around and was met with a face, so hideous and close to his, he couldn't help but scream in pure terror.

 

Looking into the wendigo's eyes was like diving in a lake of horrors. He could see madness, he could see violence and blood. He could see hunger.

 

The creature opened its disproportionate mouth and howled again. There was blood on its teeth. It looked fresh. Was it Dean's?

 

Castiel was going to be sick.

 

He didn't notice when tears started to roll on his cheeks, almost freezing as soon as they left his eyes because of the cool air.

 

He supposed it was the end.

 

He was going to die, with pictures of death as the last thing he ever saw. The smell of hundreds of cadavers as the last thing he smelled. His worst failure as the last thing he did.

 

Castiel was willing to let himself die. Without Dean, nothing made sense anymore. Nothing mattered.

 

He saw the wendigo bounce him and closed his eyes tight. He couldn't help but cry out at the sharp pain he felt when the creature bit him, strong jaw closing tightly around his arm.

 

Nobody was coming to help. Nobody would find their bodies. Nobody would ever know.

 

Cas let his thoughts drift off to Dean.

 

Dean and his warm smile, his green, sparkling eyes, his arms holding him close at night. He thought about how good he felt when he was with him. How safe. Warmth spread through the angel's body, tears streaming down his cheeks as the memory of the man he loved helped him forget the pain.

 

Castiel gave up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any thoughts? Don't hesitate to tell me your opinion about the chapter or the story in general in the comments!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has disappeared. Castiel doesn't want to go on without him. Could it be the end of the story?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> First of all, I should apologise. I know this story is a WIP, and people are scared I could abandon it. Trust me, I won't. It's important to me and I am so sorry I can't write more often. School, and life in general, have been crazy lately. I barely had any time to myself. Writing is something I enjoy doing, and I don't want it to feel like work. I don't want it to be rushed. That's why I'm taking so long to write. I'd rather give you something I have worked on for weeks, that you will enjoy, than something I have drafted in a few days where quality is sacrificed. I'm really sorry to take so long, and I know it's hard to follow a story with such irregular updates... I don't have any excuse, but I hope this chapter will momentarily help you forget my poor frequency of updates. I made it extra long, just for you!  
> Also, I'm sorry I left you for so long with the last cliffhanger... Finally, you can see what comes next. ^^  
> I want to thank my wonderful Beta, Nevermoreheaven, who is still ready to beta me although I give her a chapter every three months. I want to thank Mirob and JennyWithWings for leaving such lovely comments.  
> It's you I think about when I don't feel like writing, when inspiration doesn't come. You keep me going!
> 
> Now, I think that's enough explanations. I won't bother you more, here is chapter 12.
> 
> Enjoy!

For a long moment, everything was cloaked in silence and darkness. An endless void of nothing but pain and emptiness.

Cas closed his eyes and even though the wendigo had only bit his arm and dug its claws in his back for now, he knew that soon, the pain would become so unbearable he would pass out. He could not imagine a worse death than being eaten alive.

He didn't care though. Dean was gone. Castiel didn't care about anything anymore.

At least, that's what he thought until something made his eyes fly open. “Cas!”

It was Dean's voice, weak and distant, but it was definitely his voice. He was alive.

Castiel scanned the fog in front of him before another bite, on his shoulder this time, made him yell in pain.

He wasn't ready to give up anymore. He wasn't ready to die. Not when Dean was still out there, in danger. He tried to push the wendigo away from him but it only made it bite harder and pull on his flesh. He yelped again and tried to punch the creature. Athena got scared and swerved suddenly. The wendigo lost its balance for a second, but not enough to let go of Castiel.

The angel could feel blood running down his arm already, dribbling from the two open wounds. He had to do something.

He decided to use his grace again, no matter how much it tired him.

He raised his hand and sent the wendigo a little further away. He couldn't hold back a whine when the sharp teeth suddenly left his arm. The monster didn't land very far, barely dizzy from the fall.

Cas was getting weaker and he felt a terrible wave of exhaustion wash over him.

He focused on the thought that Dean was out there and needed his help to release his wings. He stretched them wide, feeling a little better just from sensing their reassuring weight on his back.

He knew he could have used his grace to heal his wounds, but he felt too weak for that. Besides, he wanted to keep whatever power he had left to heal Dean if he needed it.

With a cry of defiance, Cas flapped his wings twice, hard. They were huge and it had the expected effect. The fog around him started to lift, clearing the air and allowing the angel to look around and see. He had been expecting Dean to be injured, if he was here, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight.

The hunter was laying on the floor, barely moving, covered in blood. He was looking straight at Castiel. He tried to get up, but his injuries were too severe and he couldn't do much more than crawl.

Cas jumped off Athena's back without a second of hesitation and ran to Dean, making his wings disappear before he could get to him. He didn't care about how much his arm hurt when it swayed. He didn't care about the wendigos around.

“Dean!” The angel whined when he got closer. His heart hurt at the sight of his partner's bloody form. 

He wasn't a doctor, but he knew the wounds were too serious for Dean to be alright. Cas couldn't see through Dean's shirt but the latter was torn and stained with dark blood. He was bleeding abundantly and Cas absolutely needed to help him.

“H-hey...” Dean stuttered difficultly. “M'fine... Y'should go, I'll...” He trailed off and winced. He needed a few seconds to take a deep, raspy breath. “I'll catch up...”

Cas shook his head. His throat was too tight for him to speak. His eyes were burning and he felt like the world was collapsing.

He knew what he had to do but he wasn't sure his powers would be enough.

There was one thing he knew for sure though. If he tried to heal Dean, it would drain him. If it worked, they had a chance. A very slim and small chance, but a chance anyway.

If it didn't, they were both dead.

It was definitely a risk worth taking, if you asked Castiel. It summed up his thoughts. Live with Dean or die with Dean. Save his life or die trying.

The angel laid his palm on Dean's chest and it immediately started to glow of a pure, reassuring, white light. Dean frowned and coughed. “Wh-what are you doing? D-don't waste your energy...”

Cas looked at him in the eyes, not bothering to hide that his were full of tears. When he spoke, though, his voice was firm and steady. “I am not leaving here without you.”

He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate to get the best result possible. He felt the wounds close beneath his palm, as if he were touching the skin and not Dean's shirt. He stopped the bleeding and healed the cuts. The more Cas used his powers, the more Dean's features relaxed. The more Castiel felt like he was going to pass out.

“Cas...” Dean whispered hoarsely. Castiel kept his eyes closed. Dean's voice seemed so far away and the darkness felt so welcoming comforting almost. A strange, lugubrious peace came with the effect of using his grace. An appealing calm that seemed to offer rest, and Cas felt so tired...

Dean squirmed a little, almost as if he was trying to crawl away from him. When he spoke again, his voice was pressing, anxious. “Cas!”

The angel still hadn't opened his eyes, concentrated on healing each of Dean's wounds, no matter the cost. He knew he would probably never have to open them again. As Dean's injuries slowly disappeared, so did Castiel's energy.

It was alright. Dean was going to be fine and it was all that mattered.

He thought that nothing could make him react anymore, but when something banged very loudly close to his ear, he started and opened wide eyes.

Dean was holding his rifle next to Cas' cheek, pointing it at something behind him. “Cas! Damn it, what was that? I tried to warn you... Why didn't you react?”

The angel very slowly turned around to look behind his shoulder. A wendigo was lying limply on the ground although it did not quite seem dead. Several parts of his body were still twitching.

“S-sorry...” Cas whispered weakly and turned back to Dean. He seemed okay.

“It's fine, that's why I'm here.” Dean said with a soft smile. He cupped the angel's cheek and looked at him tenderly. “You saved my life... Thank you for healing me.”

Dean frowned suddenly, eyeing Cas' arm. “Hey... You okay?” He winced for his angel when he gently lifted Castiel's sleeve to take a peek at the wound, causing Cas to let out a low hiss of pain. “Can you... Heal yourself too?”

Cas only shook his head. He felt empty and more exhausted than he had ever felt.

Dean tilted his head, sitting up while holding Cas' unscathed shoulder. “Why not? It's the same thing, isn't it? Come on Cas, I hate seeing you in pain.”

“Dean, I can't...” Cas breathed out. His voice was so weak, it was barely a whisper.

The hunter's expression filled with worry. “Wait... Your grace isn't like... Unlimited?” Cas shook his head again. Dean tsked. “Fuck... I'll get you out of here baby, I promise. Then we can rest and never come back to that horrible place.”

Cas smiled slightly. That was all he wished for, really. Dean helped Cas up, then took his uninjured arm on his shoulders and held him upright.

The younger man let out a pitiful whimper as he moved his wounded arm.

“It's okay Cas... We're gonna be okay.” Dean tried to reassure him. Yet, suddenly, he stopped and cursed at the world. Castiel wondered what was wrong. Dean sighed deeply, as if he was now carrying the weight of the sky on his shoulders.

“What is it?” Cas inquired.

“The horses... They're gone.”

They were screwed. Completely screwed. They had no tent. No clothes. No food. No way of traveling. Dean gritted his teeth. It was so unfair. Why was the world so unfair to them?

How were they supposed to do? They could get out of the woods now but they wouldn't go far if they had to walk.

Dean didn't lose time though, he made sure that he held Cas close and started to walk towards the fields he had seen earlier. The fog was almost entirely lifted now, and the path was clear. The forest had gone back to its usual frightening silence and seemed to have forgotten them.

While he walked, Dean enumerated all the items they had left. A knife, a rifle with seven bullets and the clothes they were wearing right now. Not mentioning an injured and half passed out angel who could barely walk.

Dean had to take a deep breath not to give up right now. They had been incredibly unlucky since they had gotten here. Maybe something good would happen eventually.

The hunter sighed. He didn't believe that at all. Still, he decided to take it one step at a time and it turned out to be a great idea.

When they got out of the forest, he looked up at the sky and it looked brighter than he had ever seen it. It was still cold but the weather was fantastic. The sun was shining high in the sky and the wind was missing. Even Cas, who had trouble keeping his eyes open took a second to appreciate the fact that they were out of that hell. 

They were alive. The angel smiled weakly and Dean felt hope rise in his chest.

If Castiel could smile, Dean felt like they could accomplish anything.

“Hey... Look.” Dean whispered in Cas' ear and pointed at a few houses in the distance. “Looks like a village. I bet we could find an inn there and... Maybe even a place where we could live.”

Cas looked at him dreamily. “How far is it?”

Dean smiled softly and kissed his head. “If we walk... We should get there in two days.”

He didn't add anything. He didn't talk about the money they didn't have anymore. Or about the fact that their tent and sleeping bags had gone with the horses.

“And if we don't walk?” Cas asked.

“Baby,” Dean started, “the horses are probably far by n-...” He stopped and stared. “Blimey.”

“I know, it's surprising.”

“I'll tell you what Cas. We have amazing horses.” Dean grinned, looking at Athena and Fuego, a little further away, who had stopped to graze.

Cas smiled weakly. His body was almost entirely leaning against Dean's now and the hunter wondered if it would not be easier to simply carry him. Yet, Castiel seemed to want to stay strong and act like nothing had happened. Like he wasn't on the verge of fainting. “Do you think they waited for us?”

Dean snorted. “Definitely not. They just found some appetizing and healthy grass and stopped for lunch.”

“How are we going to catch them?” Cas inquired, frowning.

“First, you are not going to catch anything. You're gonna sit down and rest. I'm on it.”

Cas sighed, resigned. He couldn't do much in that state anyway. Dean made sure his wounds weren't bleeding too much, but he knew he couldn't help before he got the horses back. Everything that could help heal Castiel was in the bags, on their backs.

Dean sat Cas down and kissed his forehead before confidently heading towards the horses.

It took him half an hour. He swore, cursed, grumbled. He even fell face front in the dirt when he tried to run after Fuego, who had suddenly decided, when he saw Dean approach, that the grass looked better farther.

After calling the horses all the names under the sun, Dean finally managed to bring them back to where Cas was sitting. Except the angel wasn't sitting anymore.

Unable to fight exhaustion longer, he had fallen asleep, barely caring that he was on the ground and not a bed. He was laying on his back, snoring very softly. Dean couldn't help but smile at the sight.

The hunter took a decision then.

Cas needed to rest and get better. Dean was going to make sure he did.

He tied Fuego's reins to Athena's saddle so he would be forced to follow her everywhere she went, then picked Cas up gently.

He was sleeping so deeply, nothing seemed to be able to wake him up although Dean shook him greatly, albeit not purposely.

Dean laid Castiel extremely slowly and cautiously on Athena's back. Then, he mounted her, positioning himself behind the angel and sat him up so his back was pressed to Dean's chest.

Cas was miraculously still asleep.

Dean was very glad, because he was sure he would have hurt Cas' arm if he had been awake when he maneuvered him onto the mare's back.

Now that Dean was able to hold him steady and securely against him, he could take a proper look at the wound. It was getting harder to believe that Castiel had just fallen asleep. The chances he had passed out were much higher.

He had lost a lot of blood and the injury looked bad. The flesh had been torn open, probably from when Cas had dislodged the wendigo's teeth from his shoulder. The wound on his arm was deeper, yet less extended.

Dean winced. It had to hurt like hell. He knew about that. Before Castiel came to rescue him with his magical healing, a wendigo had had its fun with him. He could almost still feel its claws tearing through the skin of his chest and its teeth ripping off the flesh of his neck and arms.

He shuddered at the memory. The pain had been so unbearable, he had wished he could die. Now, he was glad he hadn't, especially since he had seen that Castiel wasn't willing to go on without him.

Dean sighed and shook his head to clear his thoughts. He couldn't think about that. They were safe now, they were out of the woods.

And Cas needed to rest.

They rode like that for a few hours. Dean wanted to put as much distance as possible between them and the forest, before the night fell.

Cas' head, tilted back, was resting on Dean's shoulder, rolling to the side from time to time. He didn't seem to mind Athena's shaky pace or Dean's movements behind him.

He would certainly have fallen off the horse if Dean hadn't been here to hold him.

He lay limply in Dean's arms, the slow and regular rising of his chest the only proof that he was still breathing.

The hunter was worried, but he would never have woken up Castiel. He trusted him to wake up on his own. Instead, he took care of his wound. Athena didn't need many instructions, she was an easy horse and Fuego was apparently too tired to do anything else than follow obediently. So Dean let go of the reins, letting Athena walk straight ahead, only kicking her flanks gently when she appeared to be wanting to stop.

He cleaned Castiel's wounds and bandaged them. He couldn't do much more without assistance from a real doctor, which he promised he would find as soon as possible.

Dean had to be careful though. He knew that Cas' exhaustion was only partly caused by the loss of blood. Most of his tiredness came from his grace.

He had naively thought it was unlimited and that he could use it any time he wanted.

If the price to pay was so high, to Dean it wasn't worth it. Unless they were in mortal danger. Which had been the case.

Still, he didn't want Cas to risk his life to save his. It was selfish, because Dean definitely would have done the same thing, but he couldn't help feeling very guilty at the thought that Cas was in that state because of him.

If he had been more careful, none of it would have happened.

Dean sighed. He stayed alone with his thoughts during the entire ride.

They eventually stopped for the night. Castiel was still asleep, breathing evenly against Dean. The hunter carefully got his angel off Athena’s back and lay him down while he attached the horses. He gave them both a carrot, talking to them as if they were actually listening. “Thank you for not giving up on us, buddies.”

Athena looked at him as if he had grown two heads and went back to grazing.

In a little less than an hour, Dean managed to rise the tent and wrap Cas up in a pile of blankets.

Tonight, they were finally getting some much deserved rest.

When Cas woke up, the sun outside was much brighter than usual. He narrowed his eyes and blinked a few times, blinded. He sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and accustoming to the light. A small groan escaped his lips when a sharp pain flashed through his arm. He looked down at the bandages Dean had carefully wrapped around his wounds. He tried not to move his arm too much and saw that the pain was almost bearable if he kept it still.

When he got out of the tent, he was met with one of the most delicious scent he’d ever smelled. He suddenly remembered how hungry he was.

“Hey!” Dean greeted. He was sitting near the campfire, roasting something that looked a lot like a rabbit. “Did you sleep well?”

Cas nodded, his mind still a bit foggy. “Yes… Very well.”

The angel looked around, completely disoriented. “You caught the horses?”

“Yep.”

“You did all this… Alone?” Cas frowned. “Oh Dean, I’m sorry. I should have helped. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Cas… Stop that. I know what you’re doing and you need to stop. You did so much yesterday. It’s only fair you get some rest now. How’s your arm?”

Cas shrugged, looking at his now bandaged wounds. “It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt much.” It was a lie. It did hurt, but Cas didn’t want Dean to worry when they were so close to their goal.

“Good… I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. I’ll bring you to a doctor when we reach the village.” Dean promised.

“It’s okay Dean, really. I’m alright.” Cas assured, repressing a wince.

Dean seemed suspicious but dropped the subject. “You must be hungry.”

Cas nodded. “I’m starving.”

Dean handed him the rabbit, impaled on a stick. Cas hurried to taste it. It had been so long since they had eaten anything consistent, he couldn’t hold back a moan of content. “Where did you find it?” He asked Dean, still devouring the meat hungrily.

“I’m a hunter babe.” Dean grinned. “I don’t only hunt monsters. I can also hunt game. Not mentioning that my dad sometimes let Sammy and I alone without money. I had to figure something out.”

Cas smiled softly. He had always been admirative of the way Dean took care of his brother during their childhood. He knew it couldn't have been easy, but it was another proof that Dean was an amazing person.

“Well, it’s very good.” Cas complimented.

Dean blushed slightly and beamed at him. “I’m glad. I’m so glad you’re feeling better too. You had me worried Cas.”

“I’m sorry… I will try not to do it again.” Cas apologized and Dean smiled at him softly, as if to tell him not to worry about it.

Cas looked at Dean fondly, losing himself in the moment. Around them, everything was quiet and calm. Only the wind, gentle caress on their faces, was blowing softly in their ears. After everything, it felt good to be out, under the warm sun. The air was mild, it wasn’t as cold as it had been the last few days. The calm rustling of the grass around them, coming with the soft breeze, held something soothing.

That’s when Cas realized the sun was too high in the sky for it to be the morning.

“How long did I sleep?” He asked, frowning.

Dean thought for a moment. “Almost an entire day. Something around twenty hours.”

Cas’ eyes widened. “What?! Why did you let me sleep so long?”

“Because you needed rest baby,” Dean sighed, “and because we still have some riding to do.”

Cas nodded. He wasn't wrong. “About that, what is the plan?”

Dean grinned wide then, and Cas wondered what caused him to be in such a good mood. “Well... The good news is that we should reach the village tonight. Since nothing could wake you up yesterday, I decided to cover most of the distance with the horses while you were sleeping.”

“T-tonight?” Cas exclaimed, a smile slowly making its way on his lips. He could have killed for a real bed to sleep in. Tonight, they might have it.

“Yes tonight!” Dean confirmed, still smiling brightly. “But only if you hurry up and eat that rabbit already.”

Cas didn't need to be told twice, he inhaled his food in a few seconds. “Alright, I'm ready now.”

Dean chuckled and got up. Together, they made everything ready so they could hit the road again.

They rode for several hours, taking in the feeling of the warm sun on their skin. They appreciated the green lands all around them, thankfully very different from the Woods of Mirages. They talked about everything they would do when they would reach the village, about how their life would be if they stayed.

Cas pretended to be alright when his arm actually stung. The pain, throbbing, did not seem to want to withdraw. If nothing, the angel had the feeling it was getting worse.

If Dean noticed, he didn’t say anything that suggested so. Castiel managed to hide it well enough for him not to worry too much.

He nuzzled in the scarf he had pulled out of one of the bags on Athena’s back. It didn’t do much, but his breath warmed up the fabric, sending a wave of comfort through his body. It wasn’t enough to keep him warm, but it appeased him a little. Despite the bright sun, it was freezing up here. They were getting closer to the mountains and the temperatures went down. 

His legs, warmed up by Athena’s fluffy coat, were the only part of his body Cas still properly felt. His hands, holding the reins, felt so cold he feared they would be frozen forever. He couldn’t even hide them in his sleeves. He didn’t want Athena to get scared suddenly, or make an unexpected movement when he was barely holding the reins.

Cas didn’t think the cold really helped his injuries either. At one point, he thought he felt blood running down his arm, but it stopped immediately, as if it had frozen directly on his skin. If it had not stopped, at least he couldn’t feel it anymore. His sweater didn’t protect him from the cold much and his arms, along with the rest of his body, were shaking.

Dean was probably feeling very cold too because he did not seem to formalise at the sight of the shaking angel. Cas could see Dean was trembling slightly too and trying to warm himself up as good as he could.

The sun was slowly dipping under the horizon but Cas could see they were getting closer to their destination. In an hour or two, they would reach it. Castiel doubted they would be there before nightfall though.

A distant buzzing of running water made Cas straighten in his saddle. “What is this?”

“We gotta cross the river Cas,” Dean smiled at him. “don’t worry, there’s a bridge.”

It didn’t take long for them to reach the river and see the bridge Dean had been talking about. Something seemed strange though. Castiel couldn’t see clearly but there was definitely something wrong.

He heard Dean curse under his breath and as Cas kept walking forward, the hunter hissed. “Cas, stop. Stay here. Don’t move.”

The angel stopped, looking at Dean, confused. His partner wasn’t even looking at him. His eyes were fixed on the bridge and the indistinguishable shapes that seemed to be moving at the beginning of it. Dean’s expression was unreadable but Cas thought he could see a glimpse of panic in his eyes, which did nothing to reassure him.

Cas waited for Dean to talk, to do something, but he appeared to be in intense reflexion. After what felt like forever, he finally told Cas what was going on. “See those shadows there?” He asked, pointing at the moving shapes Castiel had been trying to dissociate for the last few minutes. “I think they’re people. I don’t see what else they could be.”

“Dean… It’s a bridge. It is made for people to cross regularly.” Cas informed him, not seeing how the fact that there were people on it was a problem.

“Sure. If they were actually crossing. They’re staying at the same spot here.” Dean shook his head. “No, they’re patrolling. I don’t know why. It’s too early. That shouldn’t be happening so early. Fuck.”

Cas gulped. He was afraid to understand what Dean meant. “But I thought the cities’ doors would only close in a few days?”

“Yeah I know. I guess they’re already trying to make sure more angels don’t get locked up in the cities with all the good people.” Dean sighed. “They won’t let us through. They are probably gonna run tests on us to see if we’re angels.”

Castiel could feel cold sweat forming on his back and forehead. That was very bad. Had they done all that for nothing? “What… What do we do then?” The angel asked with a very small voice.

Dean bit his lip. He kept his gaze on the bridge for a moment before looking around. “We’re gonna have to cross anyway.”

“But they’ll arrest us!” Cas protested vehemently, panic slowly seizing him.

“Nah. We’ll have to find another way to cross.”

 

Dean made them ride for another hour towards the south, following the river. Once they were sure the bridge was far behind them, the hunter made them stop.

Cas seemed to grow more and more nervous. He kept fidgeting in his saddle and glancing at the water as if it held the most terrible creatures in the world.

“You alright, Cas?” Dean enquired. “I need you calm for this.”

The angel looked at him, gulping. He looked everything but calm. “For what exactly?”

“We’re gonna have to cross here. With the horses and everything.”

Cas’ face grew paler, although he did not seem surprised. “How do you know the current isn’t too strong or… Or that it isn’t too deep?”

“I don’t know for sure but it shouldn’t be too deep here. I promise, you’re safe. We’re safe.” Dean assured but Cas wasn’t so convinced. 

“Dean, I don’t know how to swim.”

Dean frowned. It was one of the only things his father had taught him. “You don't?”

“No. Angels see no advantage in learning how to swim.” Cas informed the hunter. “Not mentioning that we don't like water that much... Our wings feel heavy if they're wet and we can't fly. I never could but... I still don't like it.”

Dean sighed. This was going to be more complicated than he had thought. “It's okay Cas, we won't have to swim. The horses will do that part if we need to.”

Cas frowned, surprised. “They know how to swim?”

“Instinctively, they know how not to drown.” Dean said. “If it gets too deep and they have to swim though, we'll have to dismount them.”

“What?” Cas exclaimed. “But Dean, I just told you...”

“I know.” Dean cut him off. “We have to make things easy for them. They're already carrying the bags, staying on their back would be too heavy for them. I don't mean that we have to let them go like that, you can still get some help from them.”

“If they have to swim, we will have to as well...” Cas remarked, shifting nervously in his saddle.

Dean shook his head and reached out to take Castiel's hand. “It's okay Cas, you'll just have to hold on to Athena's neck if that happens. She'll keep your head out of the water.”

Cas chewed on his lower lip worriedly. He looked unconvinced, not that Dean could blame him. The hunter squeezed his hand in a weak attempt to reassure him. “You're gonna be fine. I won't let you drown.” He promised.

Cas smiled slightly and nodded his head. “I know. I just really hate water.”

Dean let go of his hand but looked into his eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Castiel tilted his head to the side, squinting at his partner as if he couldn't fathom the thought that Dean could doubt his devotion. “Of course.” He said sincerely and Dean would have been lying if he had said it didn't send a pleasant warmth in his chest. 

Sometimes, Dean thought that Castiel trusted him too much. Was ready to do too much for him. He didn't feel worthy of this trust and he was scared that one day, he would make a mistake, a terrible choice or a poor decision that Castiel would naively follow.

Dean looked at Cas with a fond smile. “Then trust that I'll make sure you're fine and that you sleep in a warm, comfy bed tonight.”

Cas smiled a little wider. “With you?”

Dean chuckled softly, glad to see it was working. “'Course with me. Who else? Now come on.”

He didn't wait for Cas' reaction and pushed his heels into Fuego's flanks. The horse neighed and resisted for a moment, reluctant to step into the cold water, but Dean didn't give up and the stallion soon found himself moving forward and obeying. It didn't stop him from wagging his tail furiously. Each step he took seemed to make him grow more nervous. Dean held on, whispering words of encouragement as the horse's fear became almost palpable. The hunter was starting to doubt his plan. What if he was wrong? What if the river was too deep? Or the water too cold? What if Athena panicked and Cas fell off her back? What if he drowned?

He was getting very nervous too but he took a hold of himself, knowing they didn't really have a choice. It was getting dark and there were chances the guards would be patrolling along the river.

Dean turned around and looked at Cas. “Hey, it's safe, really. Follow me.”

The angel took a shaky breath and pressed Athena to the water. She swerved, fussed, but followed Cas' command. Dean smiled at him reassuringly. “You're doing great. Go on.”

Dean could see Cas tense as they both commanded their horses to keep moving. Fuego was getting really agitated and Dean had to keep the reins short for him not to turn around or rush to the other side. The river was getting deeper and when the water reached his ankles, Dean held his breath.

The cold seized him, hitting him so hard he almost instantly lost all sensation in his feet. He shivered suddenly and his teeth started chattering. He turned to Cas, who was still trying to keep his feet out of the water since he was slightly shorter than Dean.

Yet, soon they had water up to their knees and the horses struggled to keep moving. Dean was shaking violently and as far as he knew, so was Cas.

He prayed for the river not to be any deeper because he wasn't sure they would survive the cold very long. Dean had heard about hypothermia and it sounded nasty enough for him to do everything he could to avoid it for him or Cas.

“D-Dean... I-I'm n-not sure w-we can...” Cas stuttered, trying and failing to stop his teeth from clashing against each other.

“W-we can do this C-Cas. I-I know we can.” Dean assured, hating that the cold made him sound so hesitant.

He pressed Fuego into moving faster, despite the horse's reluctances. Dean could barely feel his legs anymore. The more they walked, the colder the water seemed to get.

Castiel, behind him, was clinging to Athena’s neck as if his life depended on it. His eyes never left the water, as if something terrible could possibly, all of a sudden, emerge from it.

The horses' usual body heat wasn't near enough to warm them up this time.

Thankfully they managed to cross without too much trouble and they did not even have to dismount their horses. The cold, however, was almost unbearable. They reached the other bank, shaking heavily. Now that they were out of the water, and that the cool air seemed to stick their clothes to their skin, they both felt like they were going to freeze to death.

“N-now what?” Castiel enquired, still hugging Athena's neck, probably more for heat than out of fear this time.

“Now... W-we have to ride to village. A-as quickly as p-possible.” Dean said, wrapping his arms around himself in a vain attempt to stop shaking.

The hunter lead the way, internally praying that they would make it, that Castiel wouldn't pass out from the cold and his injuries. The village they were heading to was situated in a valley, between two mountains offering natural protection against any potential enemy coming from the Leviathans' territory. It was a nice, calm, quiet place without history, usually used as a stop during long journeys or exchanges between the countries. Dean had heard about it. He didn't remember how or when, but he was almost sure it came from Sammy’s never ending knowledge. 

Sanburry was a simple little town perfect for Dean and Castiel to hide in. They had to hurry, though. The kingdom was only supposed to start closing the cities' doors in a few days. Yet, soldiers were already patrolling on the borders and at the town’s entry.

Doubt made its way through Dean's mind again. They had decided to move, to leave Faynel because they knew it would be entirely searched. It wasn't a town as important and as influential as the capital, but it was still situated in a strategic place and was one of the main producers of fabrics, such as silk, wool or cotton. Consequently, Faynel was a major commercial actor. The chances of the kingdom sending a considerable amount of hunters in cities like these were very high.

Sanburry was definitely safer than Faynel, the only problem was that even in lesser number, hunters would still come. Probably not at the same time but Dean wasn't stupid, he knew the kingdom would not spare any village. They did not want any place to turn into a refuge for angels. Dean still hoped that he would be strong enough to protect Castiel. He was all that mattered now. He would do anything to keep him safe.

Dean couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't just leading them to their deaths. They had left the village to be trapped in another. Was it the right call? Had he taken the right decision? He was really starting to fear he hadn't. Especially considering the current situation and how pale Cas was looking. He wasn't even sitting straight in his saddle anymore, looking like he was about to collapse and fall off his horse. His breath was coming out in small, labored puffs, as if getting air was asking a great effort out of him.

For the first time since they had escaped the Woods, Dean noticed how exhausted he looked. Despite the numerous layers of clothes he was wearing, Dean could see that Cas was trying to move his injured arm as little as possible. He seemed tense, and his arm was stiff.

Cas being Cas, he was obviously trying to hide how bad he truly felt. But Dean could see, from the way his jaw was clenched, and from the way his eyes looked a bit hazy, that he was in more pain than he wanted to admit.

The hunter felt bad. He was the one who had gotten him into this. He was the one who had indirectly wounded him. He sighed and looked at him sadly. He couldn't help but admire and respect how strong he was willing to stay not to worry him. How determined he was to reach their goal.

Dean had taken the lead since the beginning, mostly because he approximately knew where they needed to go when Cas didn't. He had acted confident, assured. Yet, in reality, Dean would have given up before they even walked into the woods if Castiel hadn’t been there as support, a silent pillar for him to lean on.

Now Dean needed to take care of him. He had to help Cas. Give him a nice room to sleep in and a hot meal. Heal his wounds. Offer him a proper life. One he deserved.

That, before warming himself up, before looking after himself, was Dean's goal.

The realization made him take off his jacket, and wrap it tightly around Cas' shoulders. The angel looked at him, surprised. He opened his mouth, with the clear attention to protest, but Dean shook his head before he could say anything. “Keep it. We're almost there anyway.”

Dean clenched his jaw tight so his teeth wouldn't betray him and show how cold he felt. With one layer less, he felt like the wind was even cooler, sneaking through his shirt, and through his skin, freezing him to the very core.

The ride, if only lasting one hour, felt like forever to him.

What a stupid idea he had had. Even the horses would probably get ill. Dean and Castiel would be lucky if they didn't have hypothermia. Worse, the hunter feared they wouldn't find anywhere to sleep tonight. If there was no inn, or if it was full, they were done for.

A night in the street would kill them. There was no doubt about that. Not mentioning all the other problems they still had to deal with, even if they found a place to stay. Castiel needed medical attention. They were running out of food. They only had enough money to sleep in a cheap inn for a few days.

Their number one priority would be to find a way to make money, and fast.

They reached the village when the last rays of sunlight started to disappear behind the mountains. Sanburry wasn't protected by any wall or rampart, obviously not considered important enough to need any shelter, other than the natural barriers that surrounded it. When Dean and Castiel saw the first hutches, they were both filled with an intense feeling of relief. They wouldn't have to run anymore.

The village was occupying the whole valley, the houses disposed in a particular way, pretty far from each other. Sanburry's periphery was large and very spacious, the small number of inhabitants struggling to use all the available space.

Momentarily forgetting how cold they both felt, Castiel and Dean looked around as they got closer to the city center. The hunter made sure to ride very close to his angel, just in case. He hadn't forgotten how angels were treated and wasn't willing to take any chance.

Most of the houses were hovels, or small sheds. The roofs were practically all thatched, the walls were made of stone, carefully held together by wood planks and girders. The majority of the dwellings had a chimney and smoke was rolling out of them all. Dean could have killed to spend an hour near a fireplace.

The streets weren't crowded at this time of the night, but a few people walked by. Some kept talking, most didn't pay Dean or Cas any attention, but others stared at them, probably not used to seeing strangers or visitors here.

Cas fidgeted nervously, looking at everyone with a clear expression of distrust, not choosing to play the card of discretion at all.

Dean thought that the fact that they, and their horses, were soaking wet didn't help them to go unnoticed. Neither was the fact that they both looked like dead men walking.

As they neared downtown, the hutches grew higher. They started looking stronger, and less likely to crumble at every burst of wind. At the very center, they found a church. It looked imposing and typical, like the rest of the village.

They hadn't even been here for a day, but Dean could see himself live here. It was peaceful. There weren't many inhabitants. People were close to each other.

Next to the church, was a pretty, two floors high house, entirely made of stone. A sign, damaged by rain and years, rested against the wall near the door. It read “Harvelle's roadhouse – Inn”.

Dean's face lit up and he hurried to show it to Cas. The angel smiled weakly, a spark of relief flashing in his eyes. He looked like he was about to faint and Dean immediately forgot his good mood, only to see it replaced by worry for his companion.

They dismounted and attached their horses, before stepping inside the inn. Dean pushed the heavy wooden door, holding it open for Cas and they looked around at the same time.

The main room wasn't very big, but felt very homey. A big fire had been lit in the fireplace, and was keeping the house warm. Two men were engaged in a discussion near it, enjoying a beer while taking advantage of the pleasing heat.

In the center, a few tables were displayed, and people were either eagerly eating a good meal, or drinking. The ambiance was friendly, Dean had to admit it. He guessed most of the people here weren't actually here to sleep, but to spend a good time. They hadn't come across any tavern, so Dean figured the “Roadhouse” was used as both bar and inn. It probably was the only place in town to offer such services.

Under the fire's warm light, Cas looked a little less pale than he did outside. Although it did not erase the bags beneath his eyes, or the exhaustion written all over his face. Dean, used to show his affection now, forgot that they weren't in private anymore, and wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist, pulling him closer. If the angel looked surprised, he didn't say anything and gladly leaned into Dean's side.

A few people looked at them but none of them made any comment, not seeming to care much.

Behind the counter, busy wiping a plate, stood a woman. She had long, brown hair and a serious expression. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her eyes darted around the room, stopping as soon as she noticed the two strangers.

Dean walked over to her, making sure Cas was close. “Hello ma'am.” He greeted. “Is it possible to have a room for tonight?”

The woman looked at them suspiciously, but her gaze softened when she took a closer look at Cas. “Yeah, I mean, that's what inns are for, right?” She said, looking back at Dean. “I'm Ellen Harvelle, I own this place. If anything happens, it's my responsibility. So I don't want anyone to cause any trouble. Are we clear?”

Dean swallowed and nodded. She looked threatening enough for him not to want to upset her. Strangely, she didn't look at Cas as she said those words, as if she didn't believe he could be the troublesome one between them two. All things considered, she was probably right. Besides, Cas didn't look like he was in a position to do anything, let alone cause trouble.

“Yes, ma'am.” Dean agreed, carefully taking the key she gave them.

He could feel her gaze on them as they walked up the stairs, trading the noisy tavern for a much quieter part of the house. He wondered if Ellen was as wary with all of her clients, or if it was just him.

Dean hoped she wasn't suspecting anything. He hoped she would warm up on them, because they had no intention to leave any time soon.

Dean helped Cas to the room, opening the door as he let the angel melt against his side. Castiel felt like a dead weight against him, deprived of all energy. The hunter could see he was struggling to keep his eyes open, and when his bare hand brushed against Dean's, he almost jumped in surprise. It was cold as ice. Cas' entire body was cold as ice. Every time he shuddered, Dean's body shook with him.

They needed to warm themselves up as soon as possible. They leaped into the room, barely taking in their surroundings. They were too tired to care about anything now. Dean absentmindedly noticed that there were two beds, but he didn't even think about it. The idea of leaving Cas to sleep on his own sounded as stupid to him as it felt unbearable.

Focusing all his attention on the angel, he got rid of all his wet clothes, tossing them on one bed. Castiel shivered even more violently at the contact of warm air against his naked skin. Dean had to check his wounds. They looked bad and had reopen, but he knew he couldn't do anything tonight. So he bandaged them as well as he could, with clean plaster and promised himself he would get help for him tomorrow.

In the meantime, he needed to keep him warm. So he took off his clothes as well, only keeping his underwear on, and moved Cas to the bed. They slipped under the covers together, gratefully welcoming the comfortable feeling of sleeping in a proper bed.

Dean pulled Cas as close as possible, trying to stop their shaking. The other's body heat kept them both warm during the night and exhaustion quickly caught up on them. They fell asleep in no time, right after Dean murmured a silent “I love you.” to Cas and kissed his forehead. The angel had been too out of it to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! If you could leave a review, it would make me the happiest person on Earth.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as Dean and Castiel are ready to start their new life, something gets in the way. Will they ever get to know the peace they deserve?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Once again, I know I took forever to write this chapter, but here it is finally! I want to thank NeverMoreHeaven for beta-ing me, first and foremost. She does an amazing job and spares you countless grammar mistakes. Then, I want to thank JennyWithWings and Mirob for their support, and their comments. Thank you all, this story wouldn't be what it is if it weren't for you! By the way, we just reached 1000 hits, how amazing is that?!
> 
> So now, I'll stop talking. This is chapter 13! Enjoy!

_ Castiel was running. His legs felt lighter than ever and his chest wasn't compressed by sorrow or grief. He was feeling light. His body, his soul, were weightless. It was like living all over again, without the overpowering pressure of years. _

 

_ The angel's face was illuminated by a wide, candid smile and his eyes, scanning his environment with a childlike curiosity, were filled with joy and excitement. Everything seemed overly interesting to him. Every tuffet beneath his feet held a singular refinement, every flower looked luminescent. He ran across the meadow with an euphoria he did not question or understand. He did not care. _

 

_ He had no problem anymore. He didn't think about the cold, didn't think about hunger. All that mattered now, was the soft feeling of grass under his bare feet, and the happy laughter he heard behind him. _

 

_ “Run all you want Cassie! You can't escape me!” Gabriel's voice said, very close to him. _

 

_ Suddenly, strong, firm arms were wrapped around his middle from behind and lifted him up. Castiel's blissful giggle filled the air, soon echoed by his brother's victorious laugh. “Gotcha!” _

 

_ “No! No, let me go!” Cas falsely pleaded, trying to wiggle out of his brother's grip. He couldn't stop laughing, and soon he struggled to catch a breath and had to calm down. Gabriel loosened his grasp and whispered in his hair. “If I let you go, you won't try to fight, huh?” _

 

_ Cas shook his head, still grinning brightly. As soon as his brother released him though, Castiel went volte-face and jumped on him, trying to make him fall, which he managed to do, and they both lost their balance, landing in the grass with a disgraceful thud. _

 

_ They laughed, and Gabriel immediately attacked Castiel with tickles, until he lost his breath again. “You cheater! You had promised!” _

 

_ Castiel writhed, tears of happiness beading at the corner of his eyes. “S-sorry! I couldn't resist!” _

 

_ Gabriel stopped with a satisfied huff. “Yeah, well don't do it again.” He pushed Castiel, who had landed on him, off his stomach and looked up at the sky. _

 

_ The younger angel rolled on his back beside his brother and did the same thing. “Gabe, do you think we will see each other at the academy?” He asked softly, hesitantly. _

 

_ He felt Gabriel stiffen beside him. “Dunno Cassie.” He answered, but didn't add anything. _

 

_ “I don't want you to go.” _

 

_ Gabriel turned his head to face Castiel and offered him a sympathetic smile. “I don't want to go either, baby bro.” _

 

_ “Then don't.” _

 

_ Gabriel snorted. “If only I had a choice...” _

 

_ “But Samandriel said that he wishes his sister hadn't gone. He said she forgot about him.” Cas complained, silent fear hiding between his words. He averted his eyes. _

 

“ _ Well, I don't know what his sister's like, but I'm not gonna forget about you Cassie. I'll write as often as I can, and you know I hate writing.” Gabriel chuckled. “I couldn't spend so much time without hearing from you. Besides, you don't have to worry about that now. We still have two years in front of us.” _

 

_ Cas smiled weakly. “You're right...” _

 

_ “Oh, come on!” Gabriel nudged him with his shoulder. “Don't pout. Nothing's gonna separate us now, especially not a crappy school.” _

 

_ “I don't think the Academy is a simple school, Gabe.” _

 

_ “Whatever, my point still stands. We're bros for life now. If you're not happy, you should have chosen another family. Uriel's for example.” _

 

_ Cas laughed. “Oh, no!” He exclaimed. “I'd rather die than have him as a brother!” _

 

_ “Damn right. I'm the best brother ever, anyway.” Gabriel hooked his arms behind his head, a satisfied grin plastered on his lips. _

 

_ “You sure are better than Uriel, but I'm not sure the 'best brother ever' would have made me jump off a roof.” _

 

_ Gabriel's eyes widened and he turned to Cas with a fake offended look on his face. “I did not make you do that!” _

 

_ Cas sat up, giggling softly. He found the situation endlessly amusing, but he was ready to prove his brother wrong. He would not stand such an injustice. “Excuse me? How do you explain that I broke my wrist then?” _

 

_ Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Fuck, that was ages ago, I thought you had forgotten.” _

 

_ “Well, I haven't.” Castiel assured. “And don't swear!” _

 

_ “Hey you're not mom, I swear if I fucking want to.” _

 

_ “It's rude though and if you think I haven't noticed you changed the subject, you're wrong.” _

 

_ “I didn't make you jump. You were trying to fly!” _

 

_ “Because you told me I could!” Cas protested, which only made his brother laugh loudly. _

 

_ “You obviously couldn't.” _

 

_ Cas frowned, pretending to be offended although he couldn't help the wide grin on his face. “It's not funny, Gabe! I could have died. You are not the best brother ever.” _

 

_ Gabriel sat up, looking at him as if he couldn't determine whether Cas was serious or not. “I had it under control Cassie, I promise. I never wanted you to get hurt.” _

 

_ Cas' expression softened at that. “I'm kidding Gabe... I wouldn't want any other brother. I don't blame you for my wrist, and I do think you're the best brother I could ever have.” _

 

_ Gabriel's face lit up, realizing Cas had been fooling him all along and he shook his head. “You little shit... I taught you well, I see.” _

 

_ Cas giggled again, grinning proudly at his brother. “You did!” He exclaimed as he shifted to be able to hug Gabriel gently. The older angel smiled tenderly at the gesture and wrapped his arms around his younger brother. “You know what, Cassie? I think  _ you _ are the best brother ever.” He whispered, and Cas looked at him with bright eyes. _

 

_ Nothing could have made Castiel happier than to share such a precious moment with his brother and to see him smile like that. Because there was something far, extremely far in his mind that told him to cherish those moments. Something that begged him not to ignore them, and to keep them secured in his memory. _

 

_ There was this strange pull, that seemed to be coming from a very distant place, which tried to tear him out of his memories and tell him he didn't belong here. It was almost a constant reminder that whatever happened here would never happen again, that if he got to see it one more time, it was because he wasn't fine. _

 

_ Castiel, the young Castiel at least, didn't think about any of that. He acted like he didn't have a care in the world. Yet, a part of him – a darker and deeper part of him, knew that something was terribly wrong. _

 

Dean's heart was pounding in his chest, so loud he could barely hear Castiel's little whimpers anymore. They had arrived here a few hours ago. Dean had practically carried his angel to bed. He had known his state was bad, but he hadn't expected it to be  _ that  _ bad, or to change so suddenly.

 

Dean first noticed something was wrong when he woke up, feeling very hot. It was freezing outside, and even though there was a fire burning in the chimney, it clearly wasn’t supposed to be that hot in here.

 

The next thing he realized was that he wasn’t the one producing heat.

 

Castiel, cradled against Dean’s chest, was burning up.

 

His breath was uneven, his features tense, his hair stuck to his forehead. Dean reacted quickly. It was obvious that Cas had a very nasty fever, and he needed to make it go down as soon as possible. 

 

He slipped out of the blankets and uncovered Cas. The younger man was shaking. Dean could see the goosebumps on his arms. He knew Cas was feeling cold and his first reflex naturally was to seek warmth. Yet, Dean knew it was just his body tricking him.

 

The warmer his body was getting, the higher the fever got and the colder he would feel.

 

“Hey, Cas…” Dean whispered, wiping a sweaty lock of hair from Cas’ forehead. “Do you hear me?”

 

The hunter tried not to panic when Castiel did not give him any sign that he had heard him. Dean tried again, shaking him gently. “Cas?”

 

No answer.

 

“Shit.” Dean cursed as he fumbled out of the bed and hurried to the bathroom. He picked up a clean cloth that had been left for them to clean up and decided that the situation was urgent enough for him to use some of the water originally planned for a bath. 

 

He dipped the cloth in the bucket of water and wrung it. The water was very cold and he had no doubt Cas’ body would instinctively reject it. It made Dean’s hands shake and he almost jolted back when the cold liquid touched his bare skin. If it was able to induce such a reaction from him, he hoped it would wake Cas up.

 

He made his way back to the bedroom, making sure not to let drops fall on the floor. The last thing they needed was for Ellen to make a scene because they weren’t able to keep a clean room.

 

They had much bigger problems right now.

 

Dean sat down next to Cas and gently made him roll on his back. The angel’s cheeks were flushed, his lips were parted, letting out small, labored breaths. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, there was a trickle of sweat glistening on his forehead.

 

Dean saddened at the sight. He should have been more careful. He should have found a better way to cross the river. Or maybe it was the wound on his shoulder?

 

Taken by a sudden panic, Dean inspected Cas’ shoulder and arm more closely than he had before, looking for pus, dark blood or anything that could be a sign of infection. He had disinfected the cuts, but he figured they’d better be safe than sorry.

 

Thankfully, he didn’t find any trace of infection. He had probably just caught a cold because of the freezing water. It was understandable, and indirectly, his injuries had made it worse. Cas had been exhausted because of them already, not mentioning that he had overused his grace. Dean had just made it ten times worse when he had made him cross the river.

 

He sighed and carefully placed the wet piece of cloth on Castiel’s forehead. The dark haired man moaned weakly in his sleep, flinching a little at the cold.

 

It took him a few seconds to get used to the contrast of temperature between his body and the cloth, but he stopped moving eventually.

 

Dean stroked his hair gently for a moment, simply watching him. “You don’t deserve any of this…” He whispered, more to himself than to Castiel. He knew he probably didn’t even hear him at all. If he did, he couldn’t process Dean’s words.

 

The hunter sighed sadly and laid down on his side next to Cas. He was determined not to let him out of his sight unless it was absolutely necessary. He wanted to snuggle against him, but he stopped himself. Cas’ body was too hot for Dean to be comfortable, and he would only make Cas warmer, which was the exact opposite of what he was trying to do.

 

“It’s going to be fine Cas, I promise.” Dean whispered again. He felt like he was going to go crazy with everything that had happened and was still happening, if he didn’t talk to someone about it.

 

“We’ll find a place to stay permanently. I’ll get a job. I’ll give you the life you deserve.” He continued.

 

His eyes lingered on the profile of Cas’ face for a moment and he felt his strength falter. He didn’t feel strong enough. They had reached their goal, yet nothing seemed to be alright at all.

 

They still had so much to worry about. They weren’t safe. Dean was sure they would never be.

 

“Hey Cas? Will you be mad if I tell you that I’m not sure I can do this?” He asked quietly, as if he were scared Cas could hear him despite his state. “This is too much… I need you to get better. Please, baby. I can’t do it without you.”

 

Cas only frowned in his sleep and squirmed a little. Dean sighed and touched the cloth on his forehead. It was getting warm already, so he flipped it. He resisted the urge to take Cas in his arms when a violent shudder shook him from head to toe.

 

Dean hated this. He couldn’t do anything. All he could do was wait and hope the fever would go down.

 

He felt very tired himself, but Castiel was his priority. He wouldn’t leave him like that.

 

However, after an hour or two – Dean wasn’t sure, he had lost track of time – Cas started writhing in his sleep a little more energetically. Dean sat up, looking down at him. “Cas?”

 

The angel didn’t answer. Instead, he whimpered and turned his head to the side, breathing heavier.

 

“Hey… Hey, Cas. You need to wake up. Come on…” Dean pleaded.

 

Castiel’s lips parted and he mumbled something incoherent. Dean leaned closer, to hear what he was saying. He only caught a few words, which did not even form a proper sentence.

 

“Gabe… Academy… n’go…”

 

Dean frowned, confused. He knew Castiel’s brother was named Gabriel, and Gabe was the affective nickname he gave him. Cas was dreaming, but if he had looked pretty peaceful until now, it was starting to change.

 

“Please…” Cas muttered. “Don’t ‘eave me…”

 

“Baby, open your eyes.” Dean tried again, turning Cas’ face towards him. “It’s just a dream.”

 

Castiel’s eyes opened slightly, but they were unfocused, drowned in fever. He looked up at the ceiling, but he seemed to see something else entirely, for he kept whispering. “Stay… Stay.”

 

Dean tried to catch his attention, turning his head so he looked into his eyes. “Listen to me Cas, it was just a dream.”

 

Cas didn’t react the slightest and Dean understood the fever was making him delirious.

 

Dean let go of Cas’ face, internally cursing. He was trying very hard not to panic here. It had been hours and the fever hadn’t gone down. It had gotten worse.

 

He got up and walked around the room for a moment to clear his head. He ran a hand through his hair, but what he really wanted to do was to pull it off. He felt completely powerless.

 

The person he loved the most was right in front of him, in evident need of help, and he couldn’t do anything. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Dean muttered. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, a little too loudly.

 

He was giving into the panic that was slowly but surely wrapping its sticky fingers around Dean’s heart. He didn’t know what to do.

 

He wanted to break something or punch someone. He would have done it if it could have helped Cas, but he knew it really wouldn’t.

 

Dean started pacing again. He glanced at the window and he had an idea.

 

It wasn’t the most brilliant he’d had, but it was all he had for now. He put a shirt on, so he wouldn’t catch a cold too and went over to the window. He opened it a little, to cool the room.

 

Cas’ body heat was warming up the whole room, so Dean figured they needed to make it colder for Cas’ fever to go down.

 

It was freezing outside and Dean immediately shivered. He made sure not to open the window too wide, so Cas’ state wouldn’t worsen.

 

The hunter wrapped his arms around himself in a poor attempt to warm himself up.

 

He went back to the bed and tossed the cover on himself, staying close to Castiel to make sure he wasn’t too cold now.

 

Half an hour went by and Cas didn’t show any sign of recovery. Dean, however, was now shaking almost as badly as his companion.

 

He got up again to close the window, seeing it had no effect. His anger made him slam it shut.

 

“Cas… Fuck, what do I do now?” Dean asked, desperate. Of course, Castiel did not answer.

 

A few minutes later though, someone knocked at the door. Dean jumped, surprised. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and it was the middle of the night.

 

Suspicious and nervous, he grabbed his gun. He quietly went to the door and opened it, hiding his weapon behind the door as he left it ajar.

 

Ellen was standing in the door frame, frowning and looking extremely displeased. “Hasn’t anyone ever taught you to behave in a public place? Two clients came to me to complain that you were making noise. You see, an inn is made for people to sleep in. That’s what everyone here wants to do, but you’re here, slamming doors or whatever the hell it is you’re doing.”

 

Dean felt bad suddenly. It wasn’t how he had imagined their first day in town. He looked down, whispering. “Sorry…” Discreetly, he put his gun on the counter beside him.

 

He didn’t know why, but this woman intimidated him. She had a lot of prestance and she looked like someone respectable, someone fair. She was someone he somehow wanted to get along with and disappointing her wasn’t on his list of things to do.

 

She looked at him with disapproval and he felt like he had done something terribly wrong. He felt the need to justify himself.

 

“I mean it… I’m not being noisy for the hell of it. It’s just… Nothing seems to go well for us lately.”

 

Ellen raised an eyebrow. “And you decided to take your anger out in the middle of the night? Life’s hard for a lot of people. Can’t you curse at your life during the day?”

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Yeah, right… Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

 

Ellen softened a little and nodded, visibly satisfied with the apology. “Okay, don’t do it again. What were you even doing anyway?”

 

“Cas… He has a very bad fever and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make it go down.” Dean informed her, with a glance behind his shoulder at the passed out angel on the bed.

 

“Cas? The other guy?” Ellen asked, and Dean noted a trace of worry in her tone.

 

“Yeah… I don’t know what to do.” He admitted.

 

He must have looked pretty miserable, because Ellen sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Let me see if I can do anything, alright?”

 

Dean was reluctant to let anyone near Cas, especially when he was so vulnerable, but she was their best shot. It was already a miracle that she proposed her help.

 

He stepped back, letting Ellen in the room. She was at Cas’ side in no time. Her gaze had changed. There was something soft to it now, something almost maternal.

 

She touched the blue eyed man’s cheek and frowned. “He’s burning up.”

 

“I know, thanks.” Dean groaned.

 

Ellen took the wet cloth from Cas’ face. “You know, you actually need to change this once in awhile.” She informed Dean, looking at him as if she couldn’t believe he didn’t think of it sooner.

 

“Go and wet it again.” She handed it to him and Dean didn’t protest this time.

 

He came back with the cloth, that was now cold again. Ellen took it from him and put it back where she had taken it in the first place.

 

She looked at Cas almost fondly now, as she would have her own child. “Poor little thing…”

 

Dean kept himself from telling her that Cas was everything but a poor little thing. He usually wasn’t this weak. He was the strongest person Dean knew. He was, in his own way, much stronger than Dean himself.

 

But then and there, he did look like a poor little thing. It only reinforced Dean’s instincts to protect him. Apparently, he had the same effect on Ellen because she was now gently stroking his cheek and whispering words of encouragement.

 

When she turned to Dean, her gaze didn’t change. She had nothing of the strict woman who absolutely wanted to stay out of her clients’ business anymore. She seemed genuinely concerned and looked at Dean compassionately.

 

“I don’t think you can do anything without proper medical care.” She told him. “I don’t know where you’re from, but you both look like you’ve been through a lot. You deserve a break.”

 

“Tell me about it…” Dean muttered in resignation.

 

Ellen got up, squeezing Dean’s shoulder gently. “I’ll be right back.” She said as she left the room without waiting for Dean’s reaction.

 

She came back a few minutes later, with a blond girl. Her hair was tied in a pony tail. She seemed slightly younger than Dean. Actually, she was probably the same age as Sam. Dean's first reflex was to position himself in front of Cas. Someone he didn't know, in the same room as his sleeping angel? He wasn't going to take any chance.

 

“This is my daughter, Jo.” Ellen informed Dean.

 

Jo smiled at him a little, then joined him on the bed, next to Cas. Dean let her. “Mom told me. I’m here to help. I’m studying medicine with Chuck, the village’s healer.”

 

Dean looked at her, dumbstruck. She could help Cas. These two women really were a miracle.

 

Jo tilted her head, waiting for something. “So, do you want me to help him or not?”

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Right. Go ahead please.” Dean said, quickly getting up to leave her some room.

 

He watched as she inspected Cas, who kept trashing on the bed and whimpering in his sleep. She worked silently, and Dean waited anxiously.

 

“So?” He asked after a while, unable to stand the suspense much longer.

 

Jo pulled away from Cas and smiled at Dean. “I know what I can give him. I need to go gather some stuff, but he should be better in a few days.”

 

Dean let out a long sigh of relief and Ellen smiled at him, visibly not insensitive to his worry. “He’s gonna be fine.” She promised.

 

Jo left to grab whatever it was that she needed. Ellen and Dean sat back down on the bed.

 

The woman ran a hand through Cas’ hair and whispered, “Hold on sweetheart.”

 

Dean smiled a little at the sight, glad that he wasn’t alone and that Cas got attention from someone else than him. He felt better now, reassured. Cas was going to be okay.

 

He looked up at Ellen. “Thank you. For everything you're doing.”

 

She shook her head and smiled softly. “Don't mention it.” She went back to petting Cas' hair in hope to soothe him, as the angel kept whining in his sleep. After a moment of silence, she spoke again, “Are you two together?”

 

Dean tensed slightly. She didn't seem to be the kind of person to judge them, but he couldn't be sure. He was used to people being judgmental, and he had never really been free to be himself because of his father. However, he did not want to lie about his and Cas' relationship.

 

“Yeah, we are. Is that a problem?” He asked, narrowing his eyes.

 

“No, not at all. You look like good guys.” Ellen said. “Sorry if I seemed harsh yesterday. I learned to be wary of strangers. Not to mention you looked like you were in bad shape. Especially Cas.” She paused. “His name is Cas, right? It's a strange name.”

 

“Actually, his name is Castiel. He wasn't born in Nanta, he's from a western island. Apparently, they all have strange names there, but they're good people.” Dean lied. It was easier than to tell the truth, and would definitely spare them a lot of trouble. He hoped it was good enough for Ellen not to dig any further.

 

Thankfully, she didn't. So Dean thought now was a good time to ask questions of his own. “You said you were careful with strangers? I thought Sanburry was a peaceful place.”

 

“Oh, it is.” She assured. “Most of the time. We did have few problems with leviathans stopping here for a few nights. A guy named Dick.” Ellen explained and Dean couldn't help but snort. He looked down, embarrassed, but Ellen only chuckled. “Yeah, it suited him well.”

 

“It's fine though, right?” Dean asked. “Leviathans don't come here every day.

 

“Sure. Strangers come here often though. You two. Two days ago a guy named Alistair. He crashed here for a night, then said he would stay at a friend's. So he didn't leave the village. It's a pity, really, 'cause he was weird.”

 

“Alistair…” Dean repeated, trying the name on his tongue. He didn’t like it. It didn’t sound right. Yet, maybe it was just because of what Ellen had said. He didn’t have time to study the name any longer though, because Jo slipped back in the room, trying to be quiet not to wake Cas up and scare him.

 

“I’ve got everything.” She told them, showing a little piece of cloth made of silk, in which she had put green seeds of a plant Dean did not recognize. Then again, he wouldn’t have been able to tell which plant had curative virtues and which one didn’t for the life of his.

 

She placed the seeds on the table and grabbed a strange tool that she used to crush the seeds, making a thick mash out of them. She gathered the substance in her hand, poured it in a glass and mixed it with water, so it formed a weird-looking liquid. Dean wouldn’t have tried it for the world.

 

Jo sat down next to Cas, but it was Dean she was looking at. “I need you to lift his head up a little so he doesn’t choke.”

 

Dean nodded, waiting for Ellen to step away before gently cupping the back of Cas' burning neck with his hand and lifting it up slightly. He scooted closer so we could rest the angel's head on his lap. Cas he opened his eyes, foggy with sleep and sickness. He looked up at Dean, but he did not seem to really see him.

 

The older man caressed his cheek and whispered, "You're alright, don't worry."

 

Castiel didn't react but he didn't resist the slightest when Jo pushed the rim of the glass past his lips. She tilted the glass and Cas drank slowly, under Dean's careful watch. He frowned when he swallowed, but Dean didn't know if it was because he disliked the taste or because he had trouble ingesting it while lying down.

 

"You can lay him back down now," Jo commanded, "he should sleep for the rest of the night."

 

Dean did as he was told and cautiously placed Castiel's head on the pillow.

 

Not caring what anyone could think, he leaned down and tenderly kissed the angel's forehead. He gladly noticed that neither Ellen or Jo made any comment.

 

Instead, Jo smiled at them. Dean wasn't used to people being so tolerant. He knew what look his father would have given him if he'd showed up with a guy and claimed that he was the person he wanted to spend his whole life with. 

He'd expected to be looked down on all his life, and to know that Cas would live the same thing filled him with sorrow. Yet, here he was, facing two amazing women who seemed totally okay with who they were and how they'd chosen to live their lives.

 

Suddenly, he felt pretty lucky. In fact, for the first time in a while, he didn't feel like utter shit about what he was.

 

"Where are you two going? You don't look like sellers. You're not going to Ors, are you?" Jo asked after a while.

 

Dean shook his head, "No... Actually, we were looking for a place to settle in."

 

"And you want me to believe that out of the hundreds of villages on this territory, you chose Sanburry?" Jo laughed and Dean wondered if he had made a mistake. "What was so attractive about it? Was it the people? The beautiful weather?"

 

Dean didn't understand that she was being sarcastic before he heard Ellen scold her. "Joanna Beth Harvelle, stop it. Sanburry is a great place."

 

"Yeah, if you wanna die of boredom." Jo snorted.

 

"Enough. Your father and I lived here before you were even born, so watch your mouth." Ellen growled, and Jo immediately calmed down.

 

Dean fidgeted uncomfortably. He felt like a child, unexpectedly trapped in a family dinner argument that had nothing to do with him.

 

"Anyway..." Jo said, after rolling her eyes. "Why on Earth would you want to live here? I don't even think we have any house to sell in the village."

 

Dean sighed. Now was the moment to lie.

 

Partly.

 

"My father wasn't very... Receptive of our relationship." He explained, nodding his head in Cas' direction. "We wanted to be together anyway so we decided to move out. We were looking for a calm, simple place where my dad wouldn't look for us. I think we found it but... I don't think we would have enough money to buy a house even if there was one to sell."

 

His confession was followed by a heavy, uncomfortable silence. What Ellen said after a while, changed Cas and Dean's lives.

 

"So, if I understand you correctly, you are looking for a job to make some money?" She asked, and Dean nodded. "I may have something to offer then. Jo and I are the only ones working here, we could use additional hands."

 

Dean blinked a few times and sat straighter on the bed. "Are you giving us a job?"

 

Ellen smiled warmly. "And a room if you want it. You'll have it for free but I won't pay you much. Let's say your salary will pay for the rent and I'll give you a little extra so you can still live your life. But don't expect mountains of money from me boys."

 

Dean couldn't believe it. Life had been everything but merciful on them so far, and now luck seemed to finally be on their side.

 

"Are you serious?" He asked hesitantly, internally scared that it could be nothing but a tasteless joke.

 

Jo nodded. She was grinning. "Mom and I have been talking about hiring more people for a while. We could use the help and company."

 

"Yeah, but we still have to see if you fit the job and if you're really trustworthy. If you are, then everything should go well for you." Ellen added quickly, to clarify things up.

 

Dean impulsively took her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I don't even know what to say..." He blurted out, a wide smile on his lips.

 

"You don't have to say anything." Ellen assured, as she took her hand away. Dean didn't formalize, he knew she wasn't completely sure if she could trust them yet. Although this time, Dean knew that she would eventually warm up on them.

  
  


Castiel continued to be sick for three days. Dean never once left his side. Jo and Ellen checked on them from time to time, bringing them food, fresh water or medicine.

 

Dean was more than grateful for their help. He didn't think he could ever thank them enough.

 

Ellen did not even make them pay their stay for those three nights.

 

Castiel, who kept slipping in and out of consciousness during that time, only truly awoke in the middle of the afternoon, on the fourth day. Dean was on him in a second, overshadowing Cas’ now weak and fragile body with his own, more massive and strong.

 

Castiel wasn't usually that pale and thin, but those three days spent doing nothing but sleep and trash around in the bed had visibly weakened him.

 

Despite Dean's desperate attempts to get him to eat something, Castiel had barely swallowed anything at all. Now, the lack of food was starting to show on his body, and the lack of proteins on his energy.

 

It only reinforced Dean’s will to protect him.

 

He was getting slightly better. At least now, the fever had disappeared. He still needed to get a hold of himself though. He needed his strength back.

 

This time, Dean would make sure he recovered correctly.

 

Castiel opened hazy eyes and looked up at Dean, as if he didn't quite understand why his gaze was filled with so much worry and affection.

 

“Dean?” He started. His voice was husky with sleep. It sounded so weak it was barely a murmur. “What are you doing here?”

 

Dean smiled a little and leaned down on Cas, until he was practically crushing him underneath his body, although he made sure not to weigh on him completely. “You looked like you were finally waking up.” He whispered, so he wouldn’t wake him up too brutally.

 

Castiel looked confused and let out a soft moan as he closed his eyes again. “Mmh… My head.” He complained, frowning.

 

Dean watched him carefully, concerned. “Do you need something to feel better? Anything.”

 

He seemed so eager to help that Cas couldn't help a smile. “I'm fine.” He assured, although his expression suggested otherwise. “How long did I sleep?”

 

“Almost four days. Well, you  woke up many times, but you were so wrecked with fever you probably don’t even remember.” Dean said, almost as if he was thinking out loud.

 

He had spent three days as close to Cas as he could physically get, but he still felt like he had missed him immensely.

 

He hadn’t been feeling well either, knowing that his angel was sick. He hadn't eaten much, but had forced himself not to fall too deep into despair, hanging on to the single thought that he needed to watch over Cas. He had internally vowed that he would keep Cas safe, that he would be more careful and would make sure nothing of the sort happened again.

 

Cas sighed and averted Dean's eyes. “I'm sorry…”

 

“What for?” Dean's eyebrows knotted together. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

 

“I do though… I’ve been reckless and now I’ve ruined our arrival here. It was supposed to be special. The start of a new life… And I made it bad.”

 

Dean immediately shook his head and kissed Cas’ cheek. He quickly ended up covering his face with featherlight kisses. “You didn't ruin anything. You're okay, and it's all that matters to me. I swear, Cas, it doesn’t change anything. I’m not gonna start that new life without you. I waited for you.”

 

Dean grinned wide, his teeth showed behind his lips and his eyes wrinkled. Cas thought for a second that the sight would make him blind. Even when he was feeling terrible, Dean managed to make it right.

 

“Wait…” Castiel said, unsure what Dean was implying. “You mean you haven’t left the inn for three days?”

 

His eyes were wide as he searched Dean's face for a hint that would tell him he wasn't serious. He didn't want Dean to stop living his life because he was ill for a few days.

 

Yet, Dean only shook his head. He was still smiling. “Course not. I wouldn't leave you alone. You needed me.”

 

Cas took in the information. He did remember Dean holding him close for several hours. He had kept him warm, had made sure he was fine.

 

It was blurry, but he definitely recalled Dean’s warm body being pressed up against him, or the gentle words he whispered in his ear. Whispers Cas couldn't remember no matter how hard he tried.

 

It was useless now, to pretend that Dean was wrong, that he would have been fine on his own. He was just feeling guilty that Dean had had to put on hold something he was very excited about, just to stay with Castiel.

 

“Thank you…” The angel whispered, and he allowed his lips to spread into a soft smile.

 

Dean leaned down to kiss Cas' forehead and whispered, “Now that you're better, we can really start over. It's gonna be great baby, you'll see.”

 

To Castiel, Dean's smile looked like a silent promise of a better future, and it filled his chest with warmth and hope. They had been through a lot but it was over now. From this day, they would live peacefully together, and wouldn't let anything come their way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So there you go for this chapter! What did you think? I live for your feedback, so any kudo, and especially review would make me excessively happy. Don't hesitate to tell me each one of your thoughts about it, good or bad, I'm always receptive to critics, they help me improve.


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